


No Business I Know

by 55sunsets



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: ACBB, After Camlann Merlin Big Bang, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Intoxication, M/M, Some Merlin/Mordred (mostly one sided!), x-Factor au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 00:55:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2249850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/55sunsets/pseuds/55sunsets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern X-Factor AU. A nervous Merlin auditions for the X-Factor with just his guitar and a dream to impress Arthur Pendragon, the bad guy judge who has been known to make grown men cry on national television.  Arthur, on the other hand, has to juggle the pressures of his job with his media mogul of a father constantly looking over his shoulder and second-guessing his decisions. He doesn't want to like Merlin at first, but as time goes on he finds himself more and more drawn to the strange contestant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Audition

**Author's Note:**

> I owe immense thanks to three people: My beta and BFF [Timecake](http://archiveofourown.org/users/timecake), who put up with me ringing her at all hours for several months and obsessing at her about songs she doesn't like and a television show she doesn't watch; my _wonderful_ artist [Somnolentyu](http://somnolentlyu.livejournal.com/), who made gorgeous art for this fic; and to my little brother, who made me listen to Neil Young in the first place and would probably be horrified if he ever discovered what it inspired. 
> 
> My knowledge of the X-Factor comes mainly from watching it obsessively for several years and once (a rather long time ago) being in the audience for one of the live auditions in Dublin (it wasn't a particularly pleasant experience). Having said all that, I haven't actually watched the show much in the last few years (How could I, when it was showing at the same time as Merlin!?) and as far as I know they keep changing various parts of the audition process. The entire process shown in this fic is a mixture of various series that I did watch, muddled all up with a good dose of my imagination and then adjusted for story purposes, so it probably bears little-to-no resemblance to the actual auditioning/filming process of the show. 
> 
> Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, sadly. Neither is the X-Factor or any of the songs/lyrics mentioned (apart from the very last one!)

  
Merlin was biting his nails again. Will slapped his hand away from his mouth.

"Stop that."

"I'm nervous, alright!" Merlin snapped, but took his hand away from his mouth all the same. "What if this goes horribly, terribly wrong? What if I trip over the mic stand and fall off the stage or I start but _nothing comes out_? What then? I'll be humiliated on national television, that's what. I'll end up on youtube with a million hits and it'll go viral and everybody I ever meet will know I was one of the people who sucked on the _X-Factor._ "

Will looked at him from where he sprawled in the chair opposite. He raised his eyebrows at Merlin, sighed, then opened his mouth.

"First of all, you don't suck at music. Second of all, if everything goes wrong and you embarrass yourself on national TV, I have the slot after you, and I'll look better in comparison. So you can play it like it was deliberate to help me succeed in my dream. And then you'll just look like a very dedicated best friend."

Merlin glared at him. "I really dislike you sometimes."

Will grinned back. "The feeling's mutual, mate. Now, if you don't mind, there is a girl group over there in some _astonishingly_ low-cut dresses. I must go compliment them on their costume choice."

Will, like the entirely horrible best friend he was, then got up and left Merlin by himself.

Merlin was resisting the temptation to start biting his nails again by checking his guitar was tuned (for the eighth time) when he heard a deep, growling voice call his name.

"Merlin!"

He looked up to see a familiar face settle in the chair Will had vacated. Kilgarragh had presented the X-Factor for two years now. He had been an odd choice for the new host after Dermot O'Leary's surprise resignation, mostly because Kilgarragh had a well-known feud with executive producer Uther Pendragon. His face was ageless, so Merlin had no idea how old he actually was. Even his Wikipedia page didn't have his date of birth. It didn't have his first name, either. He was just Kilgarragh. Like Madonna, only less scary.

Following in Kilgarragh's wake were an exhausted-looking camera operator and sound recordist. They stopped a few steps away from Merlin and, ignoring him completely, began to set up their equipment.

"Merlin!" Kilgarragh said again, "You don't mind if we get a quick interview, do you?"

"Er," said Merlin, "Actually, how did you know my-"

He ducked when the boom mike swung at him, and then the cameraman was saying, "Right, recording in three, two-"

"Hello there," said Kilgarragh, flashing what was probably supposed to be a charming smile at Merlin. It didn't really work, he had a few too many slightly pointy teeth to pull it off. "Could you tell me your name?"

Merlin coughed, and tried not to worry if his hair was sticking up at strange angles. "My name's, um, Merlin."

"Well, hello Merlin! Have you been performing long?"

"Er, yes," said Merlin. "Well, no. I've always sang a bit, not professionally or anything, but I only started with my guitar a few years ago."

"Good, good. And what do you do when you're not singing or playing?"

"I'm a student at uni."

"What do you study?"

"Chemistry. I'm graduating this summer."

"A smart one!" Kilgarragh grinned, toothily. "Excellent. So, who are you hoping most to impress today?"

Merlin paused. "Well, Arthur, I suppose."

Arthur Pendragon was Uther Pendragon's son. He'd won four Brit awards and five Grammys last year, his debut album _Camelot_ had won two of each the year before that, and he was currently number one in seventeen different countries with the third single off his newest album, _Excalibur_. Unfortunately, he was also a bit of an asshole. Merlin had loved watching him cut down the terrible acts with his sword of a tongue on the previous series, but it didn't seem nearly as entertaining now.

"Don't worry too much about Arthur," said Kilgarragh. "He needs an artist like you in this competition more than you know."

"Er," said Merlin, "Thanks? I think?"

Kilgarragh chuckled. "It's the girls you have to watch out for. Anyway, Merlin, good luck!"

"And cut!" said the cameraman, and Merlin ducked again as the boom mike swung back over his head. They gathered their equipment quickly, and Kilgarragh swept away to find his next victim, leaving an odour of stale smoke in the air. Merlin wrinkled his nose.

Nearly immediately, the seat opposite Merlin was filled by Will again.

"Were you actually just interviewed by _Kilgarragh_?" he asked. "You're definitely going to be on the telly now."

"Shut up."

Will did not shut up. "So, what did he ask then?"

Merlin shrugged. "The same questions they ask everybody else. Who are you, what do you do, all that. He seems a bit strange, to be honest."

"Well, that's celebrities for you, isn't it? They're all weirdos, just like the rest of us. Hey, is that-"

There was a woman with a clip board at the end of the room, shouting out numbers to come though.

"That's us!" Will leapt up, but Merlin took his time. "Hurry up, come on."

"Fine," muttered Merlin as he picked up his guitar. "Hold on, I'm coming."

Arthur Pendragon sometimes wondered why on earth he took this job. It was stressful, he was fed up with the bad press he and his contestants got every year, and it gave his less time to do his _actual_ job - performing. At least it paid well.

Yet, there were times when he found himself honestly reconsidering if his exceedingly generous paycheck was worth it. One of these moments was when there was a girlband on stage painstakingly butchering Adele's greatest hits.

He raised his hand and the group fell silent, the audience sighing in relief.

He turned his head and gave a slight nod to Morgana, sitting next to him, to go first. The other judge had a tongue as sharp as a knife and twice as painful when she turned it on you. Judging by the expression on the girlband's faces, they knew what was going to happen. Morgana smiled at them, and it was _terrifying_.

"So, which of you put this... band? together, again?"

The girl in the middle raised her hand, so Morgana addressed her.

"I am actually rather impressed," she said, and the girls looked hopeful, until she continued, "that you had the nerve to come out on stage when you had to have known that you sounded like _that_. I have heard dying cats make more pleasant noises. I'm saying no. Just no."

Nimueh next to her spoke next. She was the newest addition to the panel, and looked at the girls on stage apologetically.

"I'm sorry, but Morgana's right. That was horrendous. It's a no from me."

Gaius was up next. He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to have been temporarily struck speechless. After a pause, he shook his head. "It's a no from me as well."

Finally, it was Arthur's turn. "A lot of the time," he said, "groups come on here and there's one or two really talented members, and the rest aren't good enough. You're not like that." He paused, just enough for the group to look hopefully at him. "You're all terrible. Every single one of you is really awful, individually, and then when you sing together, it somehow becomes even worse. I felt like I was inside a monkey cage at a zoo and you were all screeching at me. Not a single note of that was in tune. Not one. You all should go home, and never, ever sing again." There was a brief pause. "So it's a no from me."

In the few minutes it took for them to leave the stage (in floods of tears) and for the crew to set up whoever was coming next, Morgana leaned over to Arthur and smirked.

"The monkey cage at the zoo," she said. "I like that. How long did you spend thinking that one up?"

He smirked back. "I'm only getting started. And a dying cat? Now, Morgana, I know you can come up with something more original than that."

She waved her hand at him dismissively. "It's still early yet. Give me time."

The noise from the audience behind him lowered suddenly, and Arthur looked up to see his next victim make their way forward. It was a bloke this time, tall and skinny, with a guitar slung behind him, a messy mop of black hair, ears a bit too big for his face, and piercing blue eyes. Their gazes met for a split second and Arthur's breath caught in his throat at the intensity.

Then the man somehow managed to trip over the microphone stand. The audience roared with laughter and the moment vanished. Arthur barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. This one was going to be terrible too, he had no doubt about it. The man clambered to his feet again and stood on the big red 'X' in the centre of the stage. He was red from the tips of his ears to his neck. Arthur watched as he closed his eyes for an instant and took a deep breath - then he opened them and smiled at the audience (Arthur absolutely did not notice that the man's smile was stunning, and he certainly did not have to resist the urge to smile back).

"Well," said the man, "I'm off to a good start."

The audience laughed again, and Arthur felt Morgana's amusement beside him. "Are you alright?" she said.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I fall over all the time, I'm used to it."

Morgana smiled at him, and Arthur felt her knee press against his under the table. it was a sign that it was his turn to take the lead on the questions. He cleared his throat and the man's gaze switched to him. He had swung his guitar around to his front, and now fiddled nervously with the strings.

"What's your name?"

"Um, my name's Merlin."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. _"Merlin?"_ , he scoffed.

Merlin (if that really was his name at all) grimaced, then shrugged. "I've heard all the jokes."

"Right," said Arthur, "so, do you think you're any good?"

Merlin paused before smiling at him lopsidedly. "I think I am. Well, I hope so anyway, and people have told me I'm pretty good, I suppose."

"And what are you going to sing today?"

Merlin coughed. "Er, _Sexy and I Know it_ by LMFAO? But an acoustic version with a bit of a twist."

Arthur only just resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He glanced down the table to all the other judges. Gaius looked much like he was hiding the same thoughts as Arthur. Nimueh looked skeptical. Only Morgana looked intrigued.

"Whenever you're ready."

Merlin took a moment to double-check his guitar (Arthur tapped his fingers impatiently on the table and thought how he should have done that already, until Morgana kicked him under the table to make him stop). Then he started to play. Even from the first few notes, Arthur could tell he had talent in this, at least. It wasn't recognisable as LMFAO - instead it was slower with a hint of jazz. He started to sing.

_When I walk on by, girls be looking like ooh, he's fly_   
_I pimp to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak, yeah_  
 _This is how I roll, animal print's getting outta control,_  
 _It's a Redfoo with the big afro_  
 _And like Bruce Lee I got the glow._

It was like nothing Arthur had heard before. The audience had burst into applause after the first few lines, and started clapping along. And as for Merlin - he seemed transformed from the nervous person he had been before into someone completely different. He moved naturally along with the beat - not quite dancing, but with a smirk on his face that showed he was enjoying himself and the audience reaction. His voice was smooth and confident, and yes,  _sexy_ , although Arthur would never admit that to another soul for as long as he lived.

_Oh, oh, girl look at that body,_  
 _Oh, oh, girl look at that body,_  
 _Oh, oh, girl look at that body._  
 _I - I - I work out._

Arthur risked a glance over at Morgana. She was smiling at Merlin like he'd made her week. Arthur wouldn't have been surprised if she had started clapping along too. Beyond her, both Nimueh and Gaius looked somewhat gobsmacked. Arthur turned his attention back to Merlin.

_When I walk on the spot, this is what I see_  
 _Everybody stand and staring at me_  
 _I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it-_  
 _Ooh, I'm sexy and I know it._  
 _Yeah, I'm sexy and I know it._  
 _Ooh, I'm sexy and I know it._  
 _I'm sexy and I know it._

He really was sexy (although Arthur wasn't entirely sure he did know it, given his behaviour during the questions). Arthur narrowed his eyes and raised his hand to stop him. Merlin obediently halted before he could start the next verse, but before Arthur could speak, the audience - and Morgana, Nimueh, and Gaius - burst into yet more applause. Arthur looked over his shoulder and saw the audience on their feet, cheering madly. He waited a few more moments until they calmed, before starting to talk.

"I'm not entirely sure what I expected," he said, "but it wasn't that."

Merlin, who after having stopped singing had somehow lost his previous self confident persona and morphed back into a bundle of nerves, fidgeted as he waiting for Arthur to continue, but Nimueh started to speak instead.

"I agree with Arthur, that was just so unexpected. I thought you were great, really great. I have to give you a yes." Merlin beamed at her.

Next was Gaius. "I really enjoyed that," he said. "It was different, and you have talent - you have a great vocal tone, you stayed in tune, there wasn't a note wrong throughout - it was just really good. Yes, yes, yes!"

Arthur spoke again next. "Merlin," he said, and shrugged apologetically. "I'm not convinced." The audience booed him, and out of the corner of his eye he saw the heads of the three other judges swivel simultaneously towards him in disbelief. Well, there was no point being known as the bad guy if he couldn't make his opinions known. "You _were_ different, I'll give you that, and you're decent at the guitar, but honestly? I think you're a gimmick." Merlin's jaw dropped, as did Morgana's as she turned to face him full-on. Arthur kept talking before she could interrupt. "I think you came out today and tried to be different, instead of trying to be good. But," he paused, and drew the silence out. "There's _something_ about you, Merlin. You might have potential, but I don't know that. So I'm saying no." Merlin's mouth snapped shut. He clenched his jaw and nodded stiffly.

Arthur could feel Morgana's glare burning into the side of his head, and he deliberately didn't turn to look at her. After a moment, she sighed and turned back to the stage.

"Merlin," she began. "I apologise for Arthur, because he must have gone temporarily deaf during your performance." 

Arthur frowned. "Oi!" She waved him off dismissively, and continued.

"It is such a relief to have someone come in and do something different and unexpected, like everybody else has said. But Arthur is so wrong about you. You have a such a wonderful voice, and I don't think you know just how good you are. Well, let me tell you now, that was brilliant. Easily the best performance we've had all day. All week! I can't wait to hear what you do next. You have three yeses." She smiled at him, and Merlin beamed back. "You're going to bootcamp."

After coming off the stage, Merlin was quickly accosted again by Kilgarragh and his cronies. 

"So, Merlin, how did you think that went?" he asked, after the cameraman had mumbled something uncomplimentary about the light and shouted 'action!'.

"Er," said Merlin. "At least I got through? So it went pretty well, really."

"But Arthur wasn't impressed."

"No, he said I was a gimmick. But I suppose I'll just have to prove him wrong, won't I?"

"Oh, you will do that, I have no doubt about it. He did say there was something about you, though, didn't he?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure what he meant by that-"

Kilgarragh chuckled, a deep, throaty sound, and said. "I'm sure you'll find out soon enough."

Merlin blinked at him, baffled. "I... hope so?" 

That seemed to end the interview. Kilgarragh swooped off to interrogate some other poor soul, and Merlin was dragged off to a corner by a PA so someone else could film him ringing his Mum and giving her the good news. Her relatively mild reaction of 'well done you' didn't seem to impress much, but that was only because she was still at work and had sneaked into the break room to take his call, and so couldn't be too loud and enthusiastic about it.

After that, Merlin hung around backstage to watch Will's performance on one of the many screens dotted about. He paid special attention to Arthur as Will smashed his way through  _Livin' on a Prayer_  - he seemed to like Will more than he had liked Merlin. And well, Merlin knew Will was good, but deep down, he knew that he was better. That didn't stop him getting a yes from everybody - even Arthur (who declared that he 'rocked that song'). He frowned at Arthur's smiling visage on the little screen. Why didn't Arthur like him as much as the other judges had? Arthur's opinion had meant the most to him before the audition - he had wanted  _so badly_  to impress him, because if he could impress Arthur Pendragon, he could impress anybody. But he hadn't. Was he really not that good? Maybe he should have tried one of his own songs instead of trying to be different. He _wasn't_  a gimmick - he could do more than acoustic covers. And he'd prove it.

When Will ran down the stairs from the stage, he grabbed Merlin round the shoulders and gave him a great one-armed hug. "Looks like we're both for bootcamp!"

"What was that?!"

Morgana burst into Arthur's dressing room after the auditions had finished for the day. Arthur looked up at her from the desk he was sat at with his laptop and notebook.

"Oh, hello Morgana. How nice to see you - of course you can come in."

Morgana leaned on the desk and glared down at him. "What. Was. That!?"

Arthur rolled his eyes at her, before deciding to humour her.

"What was what?"

_"Merlin,"_ she said.

"What about him?"

"Why did you say no? He was easily the best singer we had today. Easily!"

Arthur sighed. "I knew he was going to get through - what did it matter what I said, anyway?"

"You should still have said yes. You're always talking about finding new talent, and then talent strolls onto the stage in front of you with a guitar and you turn him down!"

"I was honest!"

"You were mean."

Arthur smirked at her. "I was both."

She kicked him in the leg - not hard, but she was wearing pointy shoes and it hurt anyway.

"Hey! Cut out the assault, please."

"Tell me why you said no."

Arthur sighed again. "Fine. He  _was_  good-"

"Then why-!"

"Let me finish! Because he could have been  _better_."

Morgana's glare intensified. "Every single person that comes through here could be  _better_. That's a terrible reason."

"Fine. He proved he can do hipster guitar covers - but he can't do that every week if he gets through."

"You are just biased against hipster guitar covers!"

Arthur groaned, and debated just telling her to leave. He had a dinner meeting scheduled with his father soon that he was probably going to be late for and arguing with the other judge was sapping him of the energy he would need to deal with Uther later.

"Did you not see his expression?"

"Hm?"

"When you said no."

"What about it?"

"He was devastated."

"I know."

"Then why-" she started again, but Arthur interrupted her this time.

"Because he is capable of being _so much more_! When he gets to bootcamp, he's going to try even harder to prove himself to me. He's going to be even better then, alright? I was just giving him a reason to work harder."

Morgana frowned in confusion for a minute, and then a slow smile spread across her face. She reached over and ruffled his hair, because she knew it would annoy him.

"Oi - I'm having dinner with Uther now - Stop that!"

She grimaced, and Arthur went to fix his hair in the mirror.

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks," said Arthur drily. "Don't you have somewhere to be? Somewhere that's not here?"

Morgana laughed, and kissed him on the cheek before leaving. 

Arthur watched her go, then turned back to get ready.

Uther's idea of a dinner was always a formal affair. Even clad in the now-crumpled suit he'd worn all day during the auditions, Arthur felt distinctly underdressed as the waiter escorted him to the table where his father was already waiting.

"Sorry I'm late," said Arthur as he took his seat. "Auditions ran long today again." It was always Morgana's fault that they were never finished on time. She always had to look better than everybody else, and so was nearly permanently attached to a make-up artist and stylist, both of which took their time in preparing her.

Uther made a dismissive gesture with his hand, not even looking up from the menu. "It's no matter. How were auditions today?"

He was only asking out of politeness. Uther had many people in and around the production reporting in to him, and that was only when he wasn't lurking around himself. Arthur was secretly grateful that Uther had been in various meetings most of the days so far in the audition process. He always felt like Uther was looking over his shoulder, breathing down his neck, and second-guessing his decisions when he was around. Away, his grip loosened and Arthur felt freer to give his honest opinions.

"Same as ever," he replied. "Mostly terrible, but a few with potential."

"I had Morgana on the phone earlier," said Uther. "She seemed very unimpressed with one of your decisions in particular. Some boy - Mervin? No, Merlin. That was it."

Arthur shrugged. "He got through."

"You made the right call, saying no. We need more drama this year."

Last year they had had the highest viewership of all the Saturday night programming, but the gap between the show and the other channels was narrowing. Uther's highest priority was always beating Strictly Come Dancing in the ratings. Arthur didn't know exactly what his father had against Bruce Forsyth.

"Keep playing it up. People love the bad guy."

Arthur couldn't give a damn what the people loved. He was honest, and while he was always forced to be as blunt as possible, he never said anything he didn't mean. His highest priority was finding someone with real talent, who truly deserved a recording contract. That had been his father's priority as well, once. It had been a long time ago when he had sat in what was now Arthur's chair. The music had stopped being the important thing to Uther when he stepped down after the first few seasons to manage the production company as well as his record label. Now, it was the advertising revenue that came with being the most-watched entertainment programme in the UK that was most important to Uther. Arthur withheld a sigh and looked down at his own menu.

After a few minutes spent perusing their options, Uther called the waiter over. "I'll have the lobster."

"The lamb, please," said Arthur.

"Would sir like to see the wine list?" The waiter addressed Uther.

"The house red will be fine."

Dismissed, the waiter disappeared and Arthur struggled to think of something else to talk about. Uther didn't give him the chance to change the subject.

"You should keep playing up your differences with Morgana."

"We don't disagree that often."

"Morgana would say otherwise."

"Morgana would argue with anything. It's why you like her." Morgana delighted in playing things up for the camera - she was in her element as a judge on the show. She did have a good eye and ear for talent as well, which was why Arthur liked her, even when they did disagree.

"True. How is Nimueh getting along?"

"Still doesn't want to make too many waves. Agrees with the rest of us mostly, but she's getting better."

"And Gaius?"

"Same as ever. Said one of the acts reminded him of a young Sid Vicious earlier. I'm not entirely sure it was a compliment."

The corner of Uther's mouth quirked up in amusement momentarily, but vanished so quickly Arthur wasn't sure he'd seen it at all. Uther circulated rumours every year that Gaius wasn't coming back for the next season, but Gaius was always there nevertheless. He was the only person who had always been on the judging panel, while the best and brightest of pop played musical chairs next to him. The show wouldn't be the same without Gaius, even if he seemed to be getting a little bit more mad by the year. He was easily the best judge out of all of them, though, Uther included, and an even better mentor. He was all smiles and support when he needed to be, but even Arthur was a little bit frightened of his disapproval.

There was a lull when the waiter brought back their wine. Uther tasted it and declared it 'passable'. Arthur was glad for the full glass in front of him. He had a feeling he would need it to get through the dinner.

"Now, as to next week's auditions - Manchester, isn't it? I want to talk you through what needs to happen-"

Arthur checked his watch. It was going to be a long night.


	2. Bootcamp

It was several weeks and a long train journey later that Merlin and Will arrived at Wembley Stadium.

“Wow,” said Merlin. “That’s... impressive.”

Will elbowed him. “Come on,” he said, “We’ve gotta go in. And besides, you’ve seen it on TV before.”

“It’s bigger in real life!”

“Everything’s bigger in real life to you, you idiot. You watch TV on a twelve-inch screen.”

Merlin glared at him as they made their way inside. Security gave their nametags a cursory look and waved them through.

“We can’t all afford cinema-size screens-”

“It’s not _cinema_ sized, it’s just-”

“Ssh! We’re in!”

“And?”

“We need to start behaving like actual adults in case there’s cameras!” Merlin hissed.

“Oh, don’t be so paranoid. We’re fine.”

“Look behind you.”

Will looked over his shoulder and saw Kilgarragh recording a piece to the camera with the crowd of auditionees milling around in the background behind him. He turned back and glared at Merlin.

“Fine.”

Merlin looked around. “What do we do?”

Will shrugged. “I dunno. Mingle until we’re told otherwise? Check out the competition?”

Merlin resisted the urge to bite his nails. “I suppose.”

He felt naked without his guitar. He’d very deliberately left it at home this time, putting the thoughts of how wrong it felt to go without it out of his head by thinking about Arthur Pendragon calling him a gimmick. He’d prove him wrong.

He shook his head to clear it of those thoughts, and looked towards Will - who had disappeared. He scanned the crowd hoping to catch sight of him and after a minute or two unsurprisingly talking to a pretty woman. As Merlin watched, she tilted her head back in a laugh and Will grinned at her. Merlin sighed.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder and Merlin jumped. He turned, half-expecting to see Kilgarragh and his posse, but instead stood one of the most gorgeous men Merlin had ever laid eyes on. The man smiled and held out his hand for Merlin to shake.

“Hi,” he said, “I’m Lancelot.”

Merlin smiled back and took his hand. “Merlin,” he replied.

It was half an hour later that people had mostly stopped arriving, and the doors into the main auditorium opened and assistants started herding everybody inside. As everyone started making their way in, Will reappeared next to Merlin and Lancelot (“Call me Lance!”) with the lady he had been speaking to in tow.

“Merlin!” He grinned. “This is Gwen!”

Merlin shook her hand too, then introduced Lance, who was just as friendly to them as he had been to Merlin. They shuffled inside and followed directions until they were sitting in the very middle of the auditorium. After a few minutes wait, the lights dimmed and the audience of hopefuls quietened. Seconds later, Kilgarragh walked onstage and the audience cheered madly.

He waited for quiet to fall again, and then started to talk.

“Welcome, everybody, to Bootcamp!” He paused for more cheering. “The future X-Factor champion is somewhere in this room!” Another pause, and Merlin exchanged an excited glance with Will. “We have a very busy schedule today, so I won’t keep you long. I’m just going to explain how bootcamp is going to work this year and what you can expect. You are very shortly going to be divided into groups of about eight people or so, and you will choose a song from this list-” a list of songs was suddenly projected onto the backdrop behind him “-and you will perform it together. At the end of the day, about half of you will be sent home. Tomorrow, the rest of you come back and audition by yourselves once again. Tomorrow night, the judges will decide who is going through to the next stage, and you will all be told the result the next day. Now, however, we’re going to sort you into your groups, so listen out for your name and group number.”

Merlin, it turned out, wasn’t in a group with Will, Lance, or even Gwen. He didn’t even think any of them had auditioned with him. Gwen was in the same situation as him, but Will and Lancelot had ended up in the same group, which they were very thankful for.

Merlin’s group featured another potential model in the form of a man who introduced himself as Gwaine, two brunettes named Freya and Sophia, another friendly bloke a little older than Merlin named Leon, an older man called Kanen, and a nervous eighteen year old named Mordred. Leon quickly took charge of the group.

“Right,” he announced, “what song shall we do?”

Merlin perused his list, which had been distributed to everyone on their way out of the auditorium. There was a Beyoncé song - Merlin knew he was pretty good, but he didn’t think he was up to _Single Ladies_ \- as well as Lady Gaga, Adele, Mumford and Sons, Ed Sheeran, U2, ABBA and a few more.

“I don’t think we should do Adele,” he said. Leon looked at him.

“Why not?”

Merlin shrugged. “I think it’s too predictable. It’s probably the best song on there, and I think most other groups are going to pick it, and that maybe we should stand out?”

Leon nodded. “Good thinking. What about _Little Lion Man?_ ”

“Would that suit everybody, though?” asked Sophia. “I don’t know how well I could manage that, and it’s probably going to be pretty popular too.”

Leon looked back down at his list. “Alright, how-”

“What about one of the older ones?” Kanen interrupted. “ _With or Without You_ maybe?”

Leon shrugged good-naturedly. “That’s fine with me. Is everyone else alright with it?” Everyone else nodded and Leon smiled at them. “Let’s get practising, then. We only have a few hours.”

Merlin soon discovered that in addition to being stunningly gorgeous, Gwaine was hilarious. Mordred was even quieter than Merlin, but was friendly enough, and soon opened up and started chatting with everybody else. Freya was quiet as well, while Sophia couldn’t have been more different. Leon had taken charge of the group easily and naturally, but Kanen seemed to think he was better simply by the virtue of being older, and it was a relief when a PA shouted that it was lunchtime and Kanen and Sophia had vanished to see the friends they’d arrived with. Will and Lance sought out Merlin, and soon Lance, Gwaine, and Leon were talking merrily while Mordred, Will, and Merlin debated the finer points of the songs they’d chosen (Will’s group had gone with Ed Sheeran’s _The A-Team_ ) and Gwen and Freya became fast friends.

All too soon, somebody was shouting for the first three groups to go with them and everybody else filtered back into the auditorium.

Merlin had been right - at least a third of the groups before his had chosen to go with (and subsequently butcher) _Someone Like You_ , and U2 for some reason were quite an unpopular choice.

It seemed no time at all until Merlin’s group and a few others were called to go backstage. Each of them were handed a microphone, and then they made their way onstage.

The lights were blinding. Merlin squinted, but he couldn’t make out anything past the judges table in the front row. His eyes were drawn once again to Arthur Pendragon, who was, if possible, even more attractive than he had been when Merlin had seen him at the auditions. He had a bored look on his face, though, and Merlin watched his eyes survey them, his gaze not stopping on any of them for more than half a second.

“What song have you chosen?” asked Gaius.

Leon raised his microphone to his mouth. “ _With or Without You._ ”

Gaius nodded. “Good choice. Whenever you’re ready.”

Leon nodded offstage and the backing track started.

In the group earlier, they had sorted out who would sing what lines solo (as everybody had to have a few lines at least) and how to best harmonise the chorus. All their rehearsing, however, had not prepared Merlin for the odd sensation of standing on stage, not doing anything but waiting until his cue. Then his moment came, after Leon and Gwaine.

_And you give yourself away_  
 _And you give yourself away_  
 _And you give_  
 _And you give_  
 _And you give yourself away._

He segued seamlessly into the chorus and felt more than heard the voices of the others join his. He couldn’t resist smiling - he knew he’d managed it perfectly.

_With or without you_  
 _With or without you_  
 _I can't live_  
 _With or without you._

They finished easily, and the audience applauded, like they had for every group amongst them, but Merlin only had eyes for one person. He concentrated on Arthur, who was looking in Merlin’s direction with a satisfied smile on his face. Merlin nearly grinned in relief, until he followed Arthur’s gaze and realised - Arthur was looking past Merlin, beside him, to Mordred.

The rest of the afternoon flew by. Sat in the audience, Merlin watched the rest of the groups perform. He didn’t think there were many better performances than theirs - and some were really bad. He tried to tell himself that it didn’t matter now, there was nothing more he could do, but his nerves still gripped him. Once Will and Lance’s team had finished, the two of them sought out Merlin and his group - aside from Kanen and Sophia, who had disappeared again.

Sorting out the wheat from the chaff wasn't as bad as Arthur had thought it would be. They divided the groups into two piles - good and bad - and went through the 'bad' pile first, pulling out the occasional gem who shone amongst the rest to take through to the second half of bootcamp. Then they turned their attention to the 'good' pile. Every group had at least one person in it who didn't deserve to go through to the next part.

They finally got to Merlin and Mordred's group. Mordred got through straight away as they all agreed he had stood out. Gwaine and Freya got through with little debate as well. Kanen and Sophia were summarily rejected. Leon, after a short discussion, was taken through. That left Merlin. Arthur didn't think he had done enough to stand out yet. He had improved from the audition, yes, he argued, but in such a strong group, Arthur didn't know if he was capable of much more and wanted to reject him. An argument ensued between Arthur and the other three judges. He made his case as best as he could, but in the end he was outvoted.

It was late, and Merlin waited nervously for the results of the first round of bootcamp with Will and the new friends he'd made. When the four judges came back onto the stage and Arthur read out the list of names of the people who would be coming back the next day, Merlin was so relieved to hear his own name that he nearly missed Will's name come soon after.

"Looks like we're coming back tomorrow," said Will gleefully, slinging his arm around Merlin's shoulders and ruffling his hair.

"Stop it!" said Merlin, pretending to be annoyed, but he couldn't hide his grin.

The next morning, the air was thick with excitement. Today would be the day they found out who was going through to the judge's houses stage, and the foyer, though distinctly less crowded than the day before, was packed full of the noise of people practising the songs they'd chosen.

Merlin had debated endlessly both with himself and with Will about what song he should sing. Eventually, he settled on one of his favourites, which would hopefully show off his skill. He listened to it obsessively on his iPod as he waited his turn to sing in front of the judges for what could be the last time. He concentrated on every note, every word – he didn't know what he would do if he messed this up. It would be so much worse if he failed now that he'd gotten this far. He didn't want to have to leave now and go back and watch all the people he'd met go on without him on television. The thought of having to perform in front of everybody again sent made his hands shake, but the idea of watching the rest of the X-Factor from his sofa with his Mum was even worse.

After a long wait, he found himself on stage again in front of the judges and a much harsher audience than that of his audition.

He nodded offstage, and the backing track began. He took a deep breath and began to sing.

_Hello darkness my old friend_  
 _I've come to talk with you again._ _Because a vision softly creeping,_  
 _Left its seeds while I was sleeping-_  
 _And the vision that was planted in my brain_  
 _Still remains_  
 _Within the sound of silence._  
 _In restless dreams I walked alone,_  
 _Narrow streets of cobblestone_  
 _'Neath a halo of a streetlamp,_  
 _I turned my collar to the cold and damp_  
 _When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light._  
 _It split the night_  
 _And touched the sound of silence._  


He took a deep breath before the next part, and noticed the total silence of the audience. He tried to pay it no mind and continued.

_And in the naked light I saw_  
 _Ten thousand people, maybe more._  
 _People talking without speaking,_  
 _People hearing without listening,_  
 _People writing songs, that voices never share._  
 _No one dares_  
 _Disturb the sound of silence._  


Merlin could hear his voice growing stronger with each word. The audience and the judges watched with rapt attention, and he fed off it, took all their energy and pushed it into the song, wanting to sound better than he ever had before. He threw everything he had into the song. This was going to be the performance of his life. He couldn't mess this up. He couldn't miss this chance. He couldn't. He wouldn't.

_Fools said, Ah you do not know_  
 _Silence like a cancer grows._  
 _Hear my words that I might teach you._  
 _Take my arms that I might reach you,_  
 _But my words like silent raindrops fell._  
 _And echoed in the wills, of silence._  


He looked up, and saw Arthur raise his hand. He wanted to keep singing, to keep the spell he had woven with his voice going, but he stopped. The audience seemed to pause as one, and then surged to their feet, cheering him. He wanted to look out and see if he could spot Will in amongst the crowd, but he couldn't focus on anything past Arthur Pendragon's raised hand.

They weren't giving feedback to the acts in this portion to save time, as they had a lot of people to get through. Still, Merlin looked at each of the judges in turn and they were all looking at him with smiles. All of them, except Arthur, who was frowning and writing something on the paper in front of him.

"Thank you very much, Merlin," said Morgana, and Merlin made his way offstage again, exhausted.

Merlin had been on quite early in the day. Will had was on about half an hour after Merlin, and he was fantastic. He'd gone for T. Rex's _Children of the Revolution_ , and it suited him as he took control of the stage like he'd been doing it all his life. Lancelot was on after lunch, and Merlin realised that he'd never really heard him sing by himself before (as he'd primarily been paying attention to Will during the groups stage) and he was shocked by just how good he was at Billy Joel's _Piano Man,_ all soulful voice and puppy-dog eyes. 

At long last, everybody had sung and they were all dismissed for the night. Merlin and Will found Lance outside, talking animatedly to Gwen. She spotted them first, and gave Merlin a hug.

“You were _so good_!” she said, smiling at him. “Not that I didn't expect you to be, I mean. Obviously you were good to get through this far, I just didn't know-”

Merlin laughed. “It's alright. I know what you mean. It's scary being up there though, isn't it? It's so big!”

Gwen smiled wider. “You're definitely going to get through,” she said. “There's no way that you won't, not after that! Oh, and Will! You were so good too, you really stand out from everyone else! In a good way, I mean!”

Will made an 'aw, shucks' gesture, but Merlin could see that he was pleased at the compliment.

“What about you?” Merlin poked Gwen in the shoulder. “Where have you been hiding that set of lungs?”

Gwen went bright red. “Oh, I don't know if I'm as good as you lot-”

“Don't be ridiculous,” interrupted Lancelot. “You were... beautiful. You sounded beautiful.”

Gwen, if possible, went even redder.

“You should listen to the man, Gwen,” Merlin advised. “He's right. That was gorgeous.”

Will checked his watch. “Merlin, we should get going if we want to be back to the hostel before it's too dark. Where are you two staying?”

Gwen and Lancelot, it turned out, were both staying near King's Cross, while Merlin and Will were headed for Pimlico. Merlin gave both Gwen and Lance a hug at the tube station.

“I'll see you tomorrow morning,” Gwen said to him. “Have a good night!” 

Merlin watched them disappear past the ticket barriers while Will added money to his Oyster card.

“D'ya reckon she fancies me?” Will reappeared at Merlin's shoulder. 

Merlin frowned at him. “Who, Gwen?”

Will rolled his eyes. “No, I meant Morgana LeFay. Yes, of course Gwen, idiot.”

Merlin gave him a look. “You don't have a hope in hell, mate. With either of them, as a matter of fact.”

“You underestimate me!”

“You underestimate women.”

That night, lying in the bottom bunk on an uncomfortable mattress with Will snoring above him, Gwen's words played themselves over and over again in Merlin's mind. She was certain to get through to the judge's houses, no doubt about it. Lancelot too. Arthur Pendragon's unimpressed face came into his head uninvited. Merlin saw again his frown and disinterest. He wished he had Gwen's certainty about the entire thing. He closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep.

  


When the time came to decide who was going through to the judges' houses later that day, Arthur found he couldn't really argue when Morgana decisively placed Merlin's picture in the 'yes' stack and gave him a look that just dared him to argue.

He focused instead on a few of the pictures he had pulled out of the 'maybe' stack. He spread them on the table in a row.

"What are you thinking, Arthur?" asked Gaius, noticing what he was up to.

"These four," said Arthur. "I don't know if they're good enough individually to put though."

"But as a group..." Nimueh said, catching on quickly.

Arthur looked at the pictures and nodded. "They'll work well together."

Gwaine Green. Leon Knight. Elyan Smith. Percival Armstrong.

Arthur smiled. This could work very well indeed.

  


Merlin didn't speak much the next morning. He woke earlier than Will, but his stomach churned too much to consider going down for breakfast.

“Seriously,” complained Will on the tube, “If you don't stop biting your nails I will slap you. Would you calm down?”

The doors to Wembley opened at nine. There were less than a hundred people left, Merlin estimated, including all the members of various groups. Merlin and Will found Lancelot, then Gwen. Gwaine found them, pulling Leon along with him. Freya was one of the last through the doors and she joined them too. They milled about aimlessly until one of the assistant producers shouted for order.

“We'll be calling you through in the categories onto the stage.” Her voice had the instant effect of silencing the room. “Would all the groups come through first? In an orderly manner, please – no running!”

The lobby seemed much emptier without the groups. After about forty-five minutes the over-25s were called. The groups didn't come back out by them, Merlin noticed. He and the others settled down to wait.

The next group called was the girls. Merlin wished Gwen and Freya luck as they disappeared.

The wait until the boys were finally called through felt endless. Will tried to make conversation, but Merlin still wasn't in the mood to talk so he left him for Gwaine, who, nerves or not, would happily chatter back. Mordred moved into Will's abandoned seat instead, also in the mood for peace.

At long last, the assistant producer called them all backstage. Will found Merlin again, and Lance fell into step beside them. Merlin hoped that they would be told immediately, but they weren't so lucky. A few crew with cameras and microphones interviewed them all briefly in turn just to get a few words from each of them about how nervous they felt, how much they wanted through. After that finally ended, they were marshalled into a line and ushered onstage where they lined up once more. Merlin counted fifteen of them. Fifteen hopefuls for six places. The table with the judges was still in the same position as it had been the day before, with the four judges still in place.

It was Gaius who took up the microphone. “Boys, welcome. Firstly, I want to congratulate you on all getting this far. You have all done incredibly well, but we can only take a few of you through.” He paused.

Merlin clenched his fists, feeling his nails digging into the flesh of his palms. He forced himself to take a deep breath, then another. Will, next to him, touched his hand to Merlin's briefly. Merlin let the touch reassure him as it was meant to, and relaxed his hands.

“The first boy through to the judge's house stage is...” Gaius took a deep breath. “Lancelot DuLac.”

Lance was next to Merlin, and he turned and grabbed him in a hug, grinning madly.

“Congratulations!” he said into Lance's hair. “I knew you'd do it.”

The other boys clapped as Lance released Merlin and made his way backstage again. Nimueh took the microphone from Gaius.

“The next of you through is...” She paused too. Merlin knew that they must have been instructed to do so, to draw out the suspense as much as they could, but it didn't make it any less frustrating. “Mordred Jones!” On the other side of the stage, Mordred punched the air and shouted in triumph before heading off to join Lancelot.

Morgana spoke next. “Also through to the next stage is...” Merlin held his breath. “William Farmer!”

“Yes!” Will grabbed Merlin into another hug. Merlin embraced him back. “Looks like you get a holiday too, you pillock,” he muttered into Will's ear, low enough that no microphones could pick up his words. Will just laughed delightedly and let go of him. With a cry of “Good Luck!” back to Merlin, he too was gone.

Nimueh called out the next name (“Gilli Young!”) and Morgana the fifth (“George Butler!”) and Merlin watched as two of his group that he'd never spoken to go through. They applauded politely at each one. Merlin was getting more and more terrified by the second. He had been selfish in his thoughts and had never considered the possibility of Will getting through, but not him. He thought again of watching the rest of the series in his sitting room with his Mum, like they had every other year, but the thought that he might have to watch Will on the screen from their own little sofa instead of being up there with him was somehow more even worse. As soon as the thought struck him he felt guilty for it. At least one of them would have the chance to keep going.

The microphone was passed to Arthur. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“The final act going through to the judges' houses is...” Arthur looked at each of them in turn while the silence lengthened. He made eye contact with Merlin on the end. Merlin wanted to close his eyes and not look back but he found he couldn't look away. He felt the glass eyes of cameras all around focus in on him, but he ignored them. He could only see Arthur.

“Merlin Emrys,” said Arthur, and Merlin's knees very nearly gave out. He brought his hands up, covering his mouth in shock without thinking. The sound of applause came, and he finally looked away from Arthur to see Gwaine and Leon looking happy for him, their genuine grins contrasting with everybody else's tight smiles.

“Thank you,” said Merlin. Gaius, Nimueh, and Morgana smiled encouragingly at him. Arthur glared. Merlin didn't care, he turned and headed offstage again.

“Could the following people stay behind?” Arthur's voice came again as Merlin made his way down the steps. “Leon Knight, Gwaine Green, Elyan Smith, Percival...”

Arthur's voice faded from Merlin's hearing as he finally made it to the bottom of the stairs. Will was waiting for him. He took one look at Merlin's face.

“Yes!” he shouted. “We're both through!”

It was Merlin who pulled him into a hug this time, one of his flailing arms only just missing a nearby microphone.


	3. Judge's Houses

It was a rather frantic few weeks for Merlin and Will after that. They signed confidentiality contracts, but soon camera crews arrived to film their daily lives for various segments for the show. Merlin’s Mum had to give several interviews - which Merlin didn’t manage to see, so he hoped fervently that she hadn’t said anything embarrassing - and they filmed the inside of the shop he used to work in, his childhood bedroom and some of his university classes. Merlin felt sometimes like his life had been turned upside down and inside out and was being examined under a microscope - and he hadn’t even gotten through to the live finals yet. The thought of what his life would be like if he _did_ get through kept him awake at night sometimes. Well, he thought, he’d get through it. Nobody remembers the contestants after a few years anyway, unless they’re really successful. Eventually everything would even itself out. And it was all worth it for that chance at the million-pound record deal. He thought about what he’d do with the money if he won. Who wouldn’t think about it? He would buy his Mum a new house, somewhere where the roof didn’t leak and there wasn’t a permeating smell of damp, and where she could have a big kitchen and an an even bigger garden, like she’d always wanted. Then he’d get himself a car - not a big fancy one, but a little simple new one. He was fed up with looking at beaten-up machines with hundreds of thousands of miles on them.

He never managed to figure out what else he would do past those two things, no matter how much time he spent thinking about it.

At long last, the date came for Merlin and Will to leave Ealdor once again, and head to Heathrow. They didn’t know where they were going yet, or what judge they had, so packing had been interesting.

“Doesn’t Gaius always go to Ireland?” Will had asked him. “What if we get him? It rains there! We can’t just assume we’re heading to Australia or somewhere!”

“It’s winter in Australia anyway,” Merlin had replied, switching his phone from one ear to the other and surveying the mess of clothes that covered his tiny bedroom. “Look, we can take t-shirts and a jacket, and then we’ll be covered either way, yeah?”

“Fine, fine - but what shoes should I bring?”

“For the love of God Will, how should I know?!”

They met the other four at the airport, and with cameras rolling, they opened the golden envelopes containing their destination and the name of their judge.

Merlin opened his with trepidation - if it was Arthur he’d never get through, Arthur still hated him - so his heart leapt when he saw the words “ _Gaius Wilson_ ” written on a piece of card, alongside a plane ticket to Italy.

“Yes!” crowed Will next to him. “Italy! Nice!”

All the boys were delighted both at having Gaius as a mentor, and the thought of a holiday in Italy.

“It’ll have to be a private villa,” said Mordred. “Do you think it’ll have a pool?”

“Probably,” said Lance. “Now come on, our flight leaves in two hours and there’s a massive queue to go through security.”

In the house he’d rented in Los Angeles, Arthur waited for the phone call from his father. He was anxious to finish preparing - he had a list of songs chosen, but didn't know yet which of the categories he’d be mentoring and he'd like to tailor the songs a bit for them. He had already scouted every room in the house for the one with the best acoustics and had settled on the second-biggest lounge. After rearranging all the furniture suitably, he sprawled in a patch of sunlight on the sofa and thought about the contestants.

He wasn’t sure which of the categories he really wanted. The girls this year were strong, and the over-25s better than usual. The groups were a bit of a mixed bag. The band he’d assembled at bootcamp were going to be good. No matter who got what, they’d be going through. The rest he wasn’t so sure about. Then there was the boys. That was a particularly good category this year - nearly all of them deserved to be in the live shows.

Thinking of the boys group brought Merlin’s smiling face back into his head. Why thoughts of that particular person stuck in his head and kept popping up at inopportune moments, he didn’t know. There was something just a little bit fascinating about him, something a little bit magical. He had turned up at bootcamp so determined - Arthur had been impressed with him, but he still didn’t like him. Nevertheless, Merlin lurked in the back of his mind. Arthur sighed, and hoped he didn’t get the boys.

It was only a few minutes later that the phone rang. His ringtone was one of his own singles - that wasn’t for egotistic purposes, no matter how much Morgana teased him about it. He’d just had to listen to it so much that he didn’t want to listen to it again, so that motivated him to pick it up instead of ignoring calls. He quickly answered it.

“Hello?”

“Arthur.” His father didn’t bother with pleasantries. “You have been assigned the groups this year.”

Arthur smiled. He could live with that.

“Thanks, Father.”

Uther hung up first.

They’d stage the call again later, when the camera crew finally got here (Arthur hoped he’d remember to switch his phone to vibrate before filming) and Arthur could pretend to react appropriately, as nobody ever really wanted the groups, even if they actually did.

He got up from the sofa. He needed to ring Mithian and see what time she would be here to assist, and sort out the songs once and for all, and make sure there were enough beds in the house for everybody to sleep in. And that was just to start. He checked his watch. The plane from England would take a few more hours to arrive. He had time. He smiled again, and set to work.

The furthest Merlin had ever been from his little village in Wales before arriving in Italy had been Dublin for a cousin’s wedding once. Apart from that, he had never been outside of the United Kingdom, so Italy fascinated him. Their little minibus wound its way up and around mountains, until they finally arrived at their destination.

“Oh my,” said Lance, who had gotten out of the bus first, helped Merlin down, and then turned to admire the view. “Lake Garda’s really pretty.”

“My Mum always wanted to come here,” said Merlin. “She’ll be so jealous when she finds out.”

Lance laughed. “Maybe if you win you can take her on a holiday?”

Merlin started laughing too. “There’s still a while to go before we start thinking about that.”

Lance shrugged. “Well, our odds have gone from one in ten thousand or so to one in twenty-four. That’s not too bad.” He smiled, and Merlin smiled back.

“Merlin! Lance! Come on!” Will shouted from behind them, and they turned and headed into the house.

Gaius greeted them all inside. He was clad in shorts and a Hawaiian t-shirt, and was wearing socks with sandals. Merlin resisted the urge to giggle at the sight.

“Right, boys. Welcome to Lake Garda!”

After quickly explaining the schedule for the next few days, Gaius introduced his assistant - Alice Healer. Merlin was impressed with the choice - Alice had had a string of hits in the seventies with her band _Manticore_ , and was now managing several groups, all of which were doing well. She knew her stuff. Then they were given a whistlestop tour of the house - Merlin and Will were sharing a bedroom - and they were told they had several free hours to relax until dinner.

“Go explore,” advised Gaius. “Don’t worry about anything today, that will all start tomorrow. It’s going to be a long few days for you, take advantage of the time you have.”

Merlin took his advice, and spent the evening wandering around the town with Will and Lance.

At dinner that night, Merlin found himself sat next to Mordred. He realised he hadn’t really spoken to him much since they met for the first time at bootcamp.

“So,” Merlin searched around for something to ask. “What do you do?”

“Not much at the moment,” said Mordred, picking at his pasta. “I’ve just finished my A-levels. If I can’t sing, I want to go into video editing. Or special effects, or something.”

“Really?” Merlin raised his eyebrows in surprise. “That’s pretty cool. Do you, like, make films or anything?”

Mordred half-shrugged. “I mess around with a camera every so often, just for practice. I have a few friends that are into directing and acting, that sort of thing, so I do their editing for them. It’s nothing big, though. Just little films for youtube. Stuff like that. What about you?”

“I’m just finishing a chemistry degree.”

“Wow,” said Mordred. “You must be pretty smart. I was always terrible at chemistry. All of the sciences, really.”

Merlin frowned at his pasta. “It’s not really my thing, you know? I just sort of did it because I was good at it in school, and then I just kept doing it. I was going to get a work placement or something over the summer.” He smiled at Mordred. “But this is more fun.”

Mordred smiled back. They spent the rest of the night chatting with the other boys around the table, until at last it was time for them all to go to bed.

“Sleep well!” Gaius’ voice carried down the corridor. “You’re up early tomorrow!”

Once the door closed behind them, Will turned to Merlin and gave him a smirk and waggled his eyebrows.

“You and Mordred were looking pretty close earlier,” he said, in the sort of tone of voice that was pretending to be unconcerned and failing at it badly.

Merlin sat down on his bed and started taking off his socks.

“What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ , if you ever need me to vacate the room for whatever reason-”

Merlin was tired enough that it took him a moment to work out what Will was implying. He glared at him and chucked his socks at his head.

“Oi!” said Will, indignant. “I’m only saying-”

“Don’t _only say_ anything.”

Will raised his hands in surrender, then reconsidered. “He totally fancies you, you know.”

“Will?”

“Yes?” Will’s voice was all innocence.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Alright, alright. No need to get your panties in a bunch.”

Merlin woke early the next morning to the familiar sound of Will’s snores. He checked his alarm, and realised that he had a few more minutes before he had to be up.

He thought about Mordred, last night. He hadn't needed Will's input to see that Mordred fancied him, and Mordred was attractive enough himself, with his bright blue eyes and long hair. The thought of where they were jolted him back to reality. Will was the only person who knew of his preferences, and that was only because he had had a bad habit of bursting into Merlin's room unannounced when they were teenagers. At least the sight of Merlin wanking to a picture of Prince William had meant that Will always knocked from then on.

If both he and Mordred got through to the live shows, the media focus would be intense. Merlin didn't think he would be capable of keeping it secret, and the thought of having his personal life splashed across the tabloids terrified him. He tried to put the thought out of his head entirely. He was here to sing, not find a boyfriend. Even if Mordred was cute.

His alarm began to blare, and Will moaned from across the room.

"Shut't'off!"

Merlin got up. "No," he said, unsympathetically. "Time to get up!"

Will waved a hand in his general direction. "You shower first. I'll get up in a minute."

Merlin pressed the snooze button, knowing full well that Will would just go back to sleep, and made his way into the ensuite bathroom. He stripped, turned the shower on, and got in.

He thought about Will as he washed. He shouldn't have been so hard on him the previous night - he was only trying to help. Admittedly, he was trying to help by sticking his nose in where it didn't belong, but Merlin couldn't be too mad at him. Will had always been his best friend, an ever-present constant in Merlin's life to dispense advice (sometimes good, but mostly bad) and a shoulder to lean on. He was still an idiot, though.

The alarm went off again in the other room, and Merlin heard Will's groan as he realised he had to get out of bed to turn it off. He just heard Will's shout of "You bastard!" over the running water, and he smiled in satisfaction.

At breakfast, Gaius announced the details of the day. It was a little similar to the bootcamp process - they had to choose one of ten songs to sing solo and unaccompanied to Gaius and Alice. The performance would happen in the afternoon, and they had the morning to rehearse.

"I'll tell you individually tomorrow morning if you're going through or not," he said. "Then you have the rest of the day to spend as you please. The day after tomorrow, you fly home. So enjoy the time you have while you're here."

Then he gave them the list of the ten songs. They were all modern pop songs, which Merlin wasn't sure about. He picked his favourite of them, ( _Rather Be_ by Clean Bandit and Jess Glynne), which was one of the few he had on his iPod. Will picked a Lady Gaga song. Merlin frowned at him.

"What?"

"I didn't expect you to go for that one."

Will shrugged. "I don't want to be performing the same type of stuff every time, you know? And going for something different worked for you."

"I haven't got through yet."

Will smiled at him. "Nope. And you're one to talk, Mr Hipster Guitar Covers."

Merlin glared at him again. "Oi! That was uncalled for."

"Oh, hush. How about we practice separately for an hour or two until we get the hang of it, and then meet back up and critique each other?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Merlin found a free corner of the garden where (he hoped) nobody could hear him, and started going through his vocal exercises.

When they met again later, Merlin had to admit Will sounded good. He changed the arrangement of Bad Romance around slightly to suit him more. Will said Merlin sounded great as well, and gave him a few tips on where he was slightly off-key. By the time they were done, it was lunch.

After a brief lunch, the boys sat nervously in one of the living rooms, far enough away from the back of the house where Alice and Gaius were listening to the contestants that they couldn't hear anything at all. Individually they were all called by a one of the many production assistants that were always running around, and one by one the population in the room decreased until it was just Merlin and Will left.

Merlin started biting his nails again, until Will told him off. He tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair he was sitting in instead, his nerves growing with every second that passed.

"Will you stop that!" Will said irritably. "You're driving me up the wall."

"Sorry," said Merlin, and he really had to fight to keep his hand away from his mouth. Will rolled his eyes. At that moment, the PA stuck her head around the door.

"Will Farmer? Your turn."

Will got up, but turned to Merlin before he left. "I'd wish you luck, but I don't think you need it." He smirked.

Merlin laughed. "Same to you, then."

Will left, and the nerves that had momentarily left returned with a vengeance. He was biting his nails again before he even realised what he was doing. Once he caught on, he forced his hand back down.

The wait was even worse now that he was alone, and the silence felt deafening. To distract himself, he went over the lyrics in his head again and again, until eventually the PA came back in and collected him.

Gaius and Alice looked relaxed. They sat on a sofa, and directed Merlin to a big red X marked on the ground with red tape.

"What song did you choose again, Merlin?" asked Alice.

"Er, _Rather Be_?"

"Alright then," said Gaius. "Now, relax. You're far too wound up. Take some deep breaths."

Merlin closed his eyes and breathed deeply, once, twice, three times. He felt his heart rate settle down and the tension leave his shoulders. He opened his eyes again.

"Thanks."

Gaius smiled grandfatherly at him. "No problem. Now, just take it easy and start whenever you're ready."

Merlin nodded, paused a moment, then began.

_We're a thousand miles from comfort,_  
 _We have travelled land and sea,_  
 _But as long as you are with me,_  
 _There's no place I'd rather be._  


As always, his nerves dissipated once he started, as though they'd never been there in the first place. Merlin felt free, and the weight of Gaius and Alice's gazes lift.

_If you gave me a chance I would take it,_  
 _It's a shot in the dark but I made it,_  
 _Know with all of your heart, you can't shame me._  
 _When I am with you, there's no place I would rather be._  
 _No no no no, no place I'd rather be._  
 _No no no no, no place I'd rather be._  
 _No no no no, no place I'd rather be._  


He finished easily, and came back into himself to see Alice and Gaius smiling.

"Very good, Merlin." Merlin let out a breath and grinned with relief.

"Thanks. Again."

"Now, go find the others, and relax for the rest of the afternoon. You've done all you can now, no point worrying."

Merlin nodded and hurried off to find Will.

The groups' auditions went fairly well, Arthur thought, as he and Mithian discussed the strengths and weaknesses of each act later that evening, while all the contestants were enjoying an evening out in LA. They had decided that KnightVision were definitely going through - for four men who hadn't known each other at all a few months previously, they gelled really well together and their harmonies were a thing of beauty. They were already all on their way to being inseparable from each other, as well. It was a no-brainer where they were concerned.

That left two more spaces, and five potential finalists. Mithian argued for the double act Regally Blonde, featuring Elena Faye and Vivian Lockhart. Arthur wasn't as sure, but Mithan persuaded him that they had potential.

That left one space, and a choice between four. He eliminated the bands Medhir and Warlock easily, and that left two.

Mithian picked up a photograph. "This group."

Arthur frowned. "They're good, but another two piece?"

Mithian shrugged. "What does it matter how many people are in it? They mightn't have the raw talent of some of the others, but they're far more practised than any of the other acts. They've been around the block for a bit, and worked hard. I think that should count for something."

Arthur thought about it. The final decision came down to him, but he'd be stupid to reject Mithian's advice. She knew what she was talking about, after all - she was nearly as successful as him when it came to record sales, and had been judging the US version of the X-Factor for three years now. She was right.

"Fine." He picked up Free Trade's photograph and set it down decisively next to Regally Blonde and KnightVision. Looking down at the pictures, he smiled.

"We have our finalists."

Mithian grinned at him, and gave him a high-five. Across the room, the crew that had been filming their decision began to pack up their equipment, relieved that the long day was over. Arthur, far too used to their presence by now, turned back to Mithian.

"Fancy a drink?"

Her head fell back against the sofa. "Oh God yes. I'm exhausted!"

Merlin didn’t get much sleep that night - and not just because he had been out late with the other boys. Even once he got back to his bed, he couldn’t sleep. He was unused to the heat and the humidity and he felt too warm and sticky lying in bed to be comfortable. In the bed on the other side of the room, Will snored on, seemingly unbothered by the heat and the nerves.

At breakfast, however, everybody was tense. Merlin sat next to Mordred again, but they didn't speak, just ate their cereal in silence. Gaius ate with them, but his attempts to lighten the mood fell flat. Once they finished and the dishes were cleared away, Gaius said he and Alice had made the decisions. They would once again go and wait in the living room, and be called through one by one.

Once in the living room, Lance started cracking jokes in an effort to get people to relax. Slowly, the mood in the room warmed, until the first of them (George) was called through. A few minutes later Mordred, then Will, Lance, and Gilli - until Merlin was alone and last once again. The PA stuck her head through the doorway.

"Merlin? You can come up now."

The walk through the silent house felt longer than it ever had before.

Gaius rose to greet Merlin when he arrived in the patio that he'd auditioned in. He was smiling. Merlin hoped that was a good sign, but he wasn't sure. The camera crew lurking in the corner were a reminder that the purpose of this entire endeavour, from their point of view at any rate, was to make good TV. Well, dramatic TV at any rate.

Gaius embraced him, then led him back to the sofa. There was a pregnant pause where Merlin tried to neither fidget nor bite his nails.

"Merlin," Gaius began slowly, his face now serious. "The decisions I had to make this year were the most difficult I have ever had to make on this show. Every one of you were brilliant. I think all of you deserve to be in the live shows, but-" he swallowed,"- I can only take three of you on. Three of your journeys have to end here, I'm afraid."

Merlin's heart sank. He hadn't gotten through. He had come so far, only to fall here. It was awful, it was the worst thing he'd ever felt.

Gaius paused again.

"Merlin, I'm taking you through. Your journey isn't ending yet."

Merlin blinked at him. He must have heard wrong.

"I'm - WHAT? Sorry, can you repeat that?"

Gaius's grin lit up his face. "You're through, Merlin. You're going to be on the live shows."

Merlin stared at him disbelievingly.

"Are you sure?"

Gaius started laughing. As the truth sank into Merlin, he began to laugh too.

He was able to leave a few minutes later to call his Mum on his mobile. It was a short call, because otherwise it would cost a fortune, but it didn't need to be long. He told her he was through, and she screamed down the phone at him in delight. And possibly started crying, Merlin wasn't sure. He hoped she wasn't at work.

"When will you be home?" she asked. "I need to congratulate you properly!"

He smiled down the phone. "Soon. Tomorrow afternoon, I think."

"Did Will get through?"

Merlin frowned. "I don't know," he said. "I haven't seen him yet. Or anybody else."

"Go find out," she said. "And don't forget to celebrate! Enjoy tonight! I love you."

Merlin's smile returned softly. "Love you too."

He hung up and turned around to go back inside to find everybody else but was surprised to find Will in his way with a face like thunder.

"You got through?" He practically shouted in Merlin's face.

Merlin nodded dumbly. "Did you not-"

Will sneered at him. "No. Apparently I didn't make the cut." He took a step closer to Merlin, who stepped back in shock.

"Well, congratu-fucking-lations." He threw his hands up and Merlin flinched. "I was listening to your performance. I was better than you. I've always been better than you and your stupid goddamn guitar. You've just been put through because Arthur fucking Pendragon hates you and it'll be good TV. You don't deserve the place."

Merlin stood speechless. Will glared at him, then turned on his heel and stalked away. Merlin stared after him, wondering what on earth had just happened. He felt dampness on his cheeks and realised he'd started crying. He scrubbed at his face with his face, and out of the corner of his eye, noticed the camera crew that had been filming the entire thing.

He found out later that Mordred and Lancelot had gotten through as well, leaving George and Gilli going home disappointed along with Will. Merlin wanted to be happy for himself, but Will's words and mood had soured the atmosphere and thrown his emotions into a whirlwind. He didn't say another word to Merlin for the rest of that day or the next. Luckily Merlin had the support of Lance and Mordred, who were both a bit bewildered by Will's overreaction and Merlin felt very much the third wheel with them when he couldn't muster up the excitement they both shared. Will was supposed to sit next to Merlin on the plane back home, but he swapped seats with Mordred so he could be as far away from Merlin as possible. It was a long train journey from Heathrow back to Wales, and it felt even longer due to the unfamiliar quietude enforced by Will's absence.


	4. Week One: Best of Britain

It was odd doing things without Will. His absence from Merlin's side felt nearly palpable, like a missing limb. Merlin had phoned him several times, but every time it went to voicemail. Merlin never left a message - he just didn't know what to say. Sorry your dreams ended here and you have to go back to working in a chippy? Nothing seemed enough. So Merlin just let life flow on around him. The audition stages had started airing on television before they had gone to the judges' houses, but the auditions in Cardiff seemed to be one of the last ones to be shown.

Once it had, he found himself stopped in the street in his little village with astonishing regularity, by teenagers and little old ladies alike. Everyone said that they wished him luck, that he was talented, and of course Arthur had been wrong and he should have gotten four yeses. But when that asked for more information, Merlin had to bite his tongue and think carefully about the confidentiality contract he had signed to see what he could say to all the people who asked innocent questions. They asked about Will too, and that was even worse, because the show had featured them as they had been, and had filmed every moment of their decline. He couldn't say anything about that either, and tried to wiggle around questions and not give straight answers.

As the live finals drew closer, Merlin's life became more hectic. The twelve finalists were summoned to London from their various corners of with country with steadily increasing regularity, for makeovers and photoshoots and vocal coaching and dance lessons and everything else besides.

The week before the live shows, they moved into the X-Factor house. It was arranged with clockwork precision by the producers, so that everybody wouldn't arrive at once and cause chaos, as had happened in previous years. It was a glamorous townhouse in Kensington, and everybody was duly impressed. Bedrooms weren't unlimited though, and he found himself sharing with Lancelot and Mordred. He didn't really mind. Even with three people and three beds, he still had far more space than in the little cottage he shared with his Mum.

Now that everybody was located nearby, rehearsals for the live shows really began.

On the Monday before the first live show, Gaius gathered Merlin, Mordred and Lancelot in his dressing room in the studios to assign them their songs.

"Obviously, you get final say in what you sing." He addressed all three of them. "But I thought I'd start out by assigning you songs I think would suit you, so you get off to a good start."

"Are the weeks all themed this year?" Lance asked.

"Yes," replied Gaius. "This week is 'Best of Britain'."

"What does that mean really?" Mordred frowned at Gaius. "Just songs by British artists?"

"Exactly," said Gaius, "Or written by a British person. It's always very broad categories at the beginning."

Merlin was given a Mumford and Sons song - _Little Lion Man_. "I wanted to give you something you would be comfortable with, and you can play your guitar as well. You gave us a lot of variety in the last two stages, it would be good to go back to your roots a bit, remind the audience of your first audition."

Merlin frowned at him. "But - Arthur criticized that. He said I was a gimmick - wouldn't I be proving him right? Or, well, not proving him wrong?"

Gaius raised his eyebrow at him and Merlin backed down. "Arthur is not your mentor," he said, gently. "I am. I know what I'm doing."

Merlin was still dubious, but he acquiesced.

Consulting with Lance and Mordred later, he discovered that Mordred had been given a Beatles song ( _Yellow Submarine_ ) and Lance _The Greatest Day_ by Take That. Mordred was given backing dancers, and Lancelot backing singers, but Merlin got neither. ("You don't need anything," Gaius had said. "We're going to have beautiful staging, and just you and your guitar. And it's going to be one of the best performances of the night.")

Everybody in the house practised endlessly, to the point that it was nearly impossible to get a moment of quiet in the evenings. They all tried to eat dinner together, though, and it was through mealtimes that Merlin found himself getting to know some of the other contestants that he hadn't been as familiar with before.

He drew closer to Leon and Gwaine and the two other members of KnightVision, Elyan and Percival. Elyan, in a bizarre stroke of luck, was actually Gwen's older brother, and they spent most of their time bickering with each other. Lancelot and Mordred remained close, as did Gwen, and also Freya, who was still quiet. Sometimes, late at night, when Merlin found he couldn't sleep he made his way silently out his room and down into the common areas, and often Freya would be there, apparently plagued by even worse insomnia than Merlin. They talked quietly down there over mugs of hot chocolate or chamomile tea, and Merlin found himself admitting things to her that he had never told anyone but Will before - like how he never knew his father but missed him anyway, or how lonely he sometimes felt without Will by his side. He even found himself saying to her what he'd never said out loud to anyone before - that he was gay, and just didn't know how to tell his Mum or how his schoolfriends would react.

For her part, Freya told him about how she'd moved out from an abusive home when she was fourteen, and spent the next few years sleeping on the couches of friends with understanding parents. She told him about how music got her through the worst years of her life, when she had had nothing else bright in her life, and Merlin could empathise.

The older contestants mostly kept each other company - with the notable exception of Free Trade - husband and wife duo Tristan and Isolde. They were a bit mad, but got on very well with the other groups.

The week passed quickly in a haze of nearly constant work. Soon enough, Saturday dawned. Merlin woke early - Lance and Mordred had luckily proven heavy sleepers, so he was free to get up and shower in peace. Unwilling to hang around the house until everybody else woke up, Merlin grabbed his guitar and left for the studio.

The tube was nearly empty early in the morning, and Merlin embraced the quiet, knowing the peace would vanish as soon as he arrived at the studio.

Sure enough, it was bustling. He showed his security pass at reception and was buzzed though before heading for the lifts. He pressed the button for the fifth floor - that was where the boys' dressing room was - and the door began to close. Then he heard a familiar voice behind him shout.

"Hold the lift please!"

Automatically Merlin held down the 'Open Doors' button, then he turned to see who had been calling. To his disbelief, into the lift stepped Arthur Pendragon.

Great, thought Merlin. Wonderful start to the day.

He smiled politely at him and returned the nod Arthur gave him.

"What floor are you headed to?"

"Sixth, please. Thanks."

Merlin obediently pressed the right button and watched the doors slide closed. Beside him, Arthur pulled out his phone and sighed deeply. Merlin watched him from the corner of his eye.

"Alright?" he couldn't resist asking, because Arthur looked troubled, and holy shit he was even more attractive up close. This was the nearest Arthur had ever been to him, and he was being awkward to a gorgeous guy who didn't even particularly like him anyway. Merlin sincerely hoped that his day would only get better from here, because otherwise he may as well drop out of the competition now.

Arthur shook his head absently, eyes still glued to his phone even as he said "Yeah." so Merlin wasn't convinced by the positive response. Still, whatever was on Arthur's mind wasn't any of his business, so he left it.

The lift moved upwards in silence for a few seconds before there was a BANG and the floor jolted beneath them. They stopped moving, but the doors didn't open. Arthur looked up from his phone in confusion. Merlin frowned at the panel of buttons, and pressed five again, then six. Nothing happened. The reality of the situation set into him, and he reminded himself to take deep breaths as his pulse shot up.

"Shit," he said.

The shock of the sudden stop of the lift nearly made Arthur's phone fall from his hand. He heard Merlin swear and looked up at him. He had gone pale. It took Arthur a second to realise what had happened, that the lift had malfunctioned, and when he caught on he only just stopped himself from echoing Merlin.

"Isn't there an intercom?" He asked instead, because Merlin looked like he was going to be useless. "Hold on." He nudged Merlin, who took a few steps backwards and leant against the back wall looking very worried. Arthur tried to ignore him and pressed down on the little emergency button. It was a few seconds before he heard anything but static.

"Hello?" he called into it. "Hello!?" There was a burst of static from the other end. "Hello!?" Nothing.

This time he did swear. Then he pulled himself together and pulled out his phone from where he had automatically placed it in his pocket without thinking, quickly pulling up the number for the building reception. He called them and waited impatiently for an answer.

Eventually somebody answered and Arthur explained the situation. After a few minutes, he hung up and turned back to Merlin, who was looking even paler than before and somewhat shaky. _Great_ , he thought, and sighed.

"Reception's calling the lift people or emergency services or whoever now. It'll be at least half an hour until we're out, apparently."

Merlin nodded mutely.

Arthur debated with himself for a few seconds before asking.

"Are you alright?"

Merlin glanced up at him with bright blue eyes that were clouded a little with fear. He seemed to nearly nod his head yes, but apparently reconsidered. "Not really," he said quietly.

Arthur felt a pang of pity for him. Merlin didn't deserve this on the first day of the live shows. It was already going to be stressful enough for him without having to deal with this as well. He hoped the incident wouldn't make the papers, but he knew it probably would. Hell, his father would probably call them himself and provide security footage to go along with it. It would be great free publicity, the judge and the contestant who famously didn't get along with each other getting stuck in a lift together. Arthur could nearly see the terrible tabloid puns already.

He cast another glance at Merlin. "We should probably make ourselves comfortable," he said, trying not to sound concerned. "Maybe you should sit down."

Merlin nodded without looking at Arthur, and slowly slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Arthur gave the floor a quick inspection, then pulled off his jacket, laid it on the floor next to Merlin, and sat on it. It was already getting warm. He undid the top few buttons of his shirt.

They sat for a few minutes saying nothing, until Arthur couldn't take the silence any longer.

"I heard you at the first sound check yesterday," he said, trying to sound casual. "You sounded good."

The corner of Merlin's mouth twitched in what might have been a smile under different circumstances. "Not gimmicky then?"

Arthur huffed a laugh. "I didn't say that."

Merlin snorted.

"I think you went slightly off-key towards the end, though."

Merlin nodded. Arthur was glad to see the talk appeared to be distracting him from their situation.

"I know," agreed Merlin. "Gaius mentioned that. I think I've got it down a bit better now though. It was probably just nerves."

A phone buzzed, and Arthur thought for a moment it was his own until he saw Merlin pull his out of a pocket. In contrast to Arthur's shiny new iPhone, Merlin had a battered Samsung that looked several years old at least. He took advantage of Merlin's distraction to really look at the young man sitting next to him. He was only younger than Arthur by several years, but their different life experiences made Arthur feel like he and Merlin were from different worlds. Maybe they were.

Merlin's hair had been cut and styled by one of their makeover team as soon as they had gotten their hands on him, and his new haircut flattered his face shape and it made his ears stand out less. Arthur was suddenly and bizarrely saddened by that realisation. He shook himself in an instant. What was wrong with him? Thinking about a contestants _ears_. He was going mad.

Casting another sidelong glance at Merlin's face, Arthur realised that the initial attraction he had felt towards Merlin in the audition had never really gone away. His eyes were a spectacular shade of blue that Arthur found very difficult to stop looking at, and his mouth was perfectly formed. Arthur deliberately closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall of the lift. He really needed to move on to safer trains of thought, as that particular line was very quickly heading nowhere good.

He heard Merlin slide his phone back into the pocket of his jeans and settle in beside him.

Arthur waited a few moments before asking.

"Why don't you like lifts?"

Merlin took so long to answer Arthur feared he wasn't going to reply at all. Slowly, his answer came.

"I got shut in a cupboard when I was a kid." Merlin examined his hands closely. Arthur thought he was just avoiding looking anywhere else because all the walls were mirrored and Merlin didn't want to face him. "I was playing hide and seek and didn't realise that there was a childlock or something on the inside." He shrugged. "Either way, I couldn't get the door open again, and it took ages until somebody heard me shouting."

"Oh," said Arthur, a little helplessly.

Merlin shrugged. "I'm alright most of the time, and on trains and stuff I'm fine. I just don't like being... trapped."

"I don't think anybody does," said Arthur dryly.

"True."

Arthur cast a glance at his watch. They hadn't even been inside for ten minutes yet. At least twenty still to go. He debated calling back down to the security desk at the front and shouting at them to make him feel better, but dismissed the idea. He didn't need to be disliked any more than he already was.

Merlin fidgeted next to him.

"Is it just me or is it getting warm in here?"

Arthur gave him a disbelieving look. "Take your jacket off, you idiot."

He tried not to watch the slow reveal of Merlin's arms as he slid the leather jacket off his shoulders, but failed miserably. Merlin's arms were long and lean, ending in slim hands and long fingers. Arthur looked down at his own hands and fiddled with his thumb ring.

"What's wrong with you?" Merlin asked suddenly.

Arthur started, worried that Merlin had noticed him staring. "What?"

"You didn't look very happy earlier. When you got in. I mean, you don't look very happy now either, but that's understandable."

Arthur thought back to the email he'd received from his father that morning requesting a meeting. It was really an order disguised as a request for politeness' sake. Nobody turned down Uther's meetings, not even his son. Arthur thought about telling Merlin everything - that he hated this stage of the show, where he always had to look perfect and act perfect and cause as much chaos on the show as he possibly could with his father breathing down his neck and constantly looking over his shoulder. Then he shook himself slightly - nobody needed to hear all of that, but Arthur was suddenly struck with the desire to unburden himself to Merlin, to open up to him. He squashed that urge like a bug.

"I was running late for a meeting," he said instead. "Of course, I'm later now."

"Ah," said Merlin. "With your Dad?"

Arthur had never referred to Uther as his 'Dad' in his life, even if that was technically what he was. It was bizarre to hear the word associated with him.

"Yes," he said. He felt like he should be annoyed at Merlin's nosiness, but to his bemusement he didn't feel anything of the sort. "How'd you know?"

Merlin shifted closer to him. "Does anybody look happy before a meeting with Mr Pendragon? He's scarier than you." Arthur raised his eyebrows. "No offence." Merlin smirked.

"None taken. He is scary as hell."

He sensed that Merlin wanted to ask more questions but was wisely refraining. Arthur was grateful - he wasn't really up to discussing his father with anybody. Uther would have heard by now about the lift, and the entire situation. He was probably watching them on the security cameras at that very moment. Arthur glanced up to the camera in the corner of the lift and raised his eyebrows at it, hopefully conveying a clear message of ' _hurry the fuck up and get us out of here_ ' to whoever was watching.

A few more minutes elapsed in silence. Arthur's phone buzzed with a text from Morgana ( _LOL, only you could cause so much trouble_ ).

Merlin was getting paler again. Arthur watched him and tried very hard to look like he wasn't worried by the shake of his hands. He thought about asking about Merlin's family, but he knew the story. It had been said in the judge's houses' episode (that Arthur had watched from his actual flat in London) that Merlin was from a small village and only had his Mum. No father or brothers or sisters or cousins nearby. Only his friend, and the show had broadcast the whole argument between them and the subsequent look of devastation on Merlin's face. He didn't want to see that look again, so he didn't bring it up.

"Your groups are good this year." Merlin saved Arthur from having to think of another question.

"Yep," agreed Arthur unashamedly. "KnightVision in particular, I think."

Merlin laughed, and Arthur relished the sound.

He still didn't _want_ to like Merlin and his guitar covers, but he could feel himself warming to him. He couldn't be as harsh on him tonight as he had planned on being - especially as Merlin was very good at what he was doing, and he was only going to get better from here. Arthur was a little jealous of him, actually. The knowledge that the only place to go was up had left him a long time ago. Arthur was happy with his life and his career, but sometimes he desperately missed the naivety and the innocence he'd once had. Now, here he was, trying to make entertaining television instead of good music. He looked at Merlin and saw a career in its infancy - Arthur worried his was approaching middle age.

He couldn't leave the show anytime soon, though. He had signed a contract, his father would kill him - and besides, he loved finding new talent and making it better until a professional musician with a potential glowing career emerged like a butterfly from the chrysalis.

At least he would always have his music.

He checked the time again. Twenty five minutes had passed now, and they hadn't heard anything from the outside world. Arthur wondered if he should be worried, then glanced at Merlin, whose colour was fading again. Merlin was worrying enough for the both of them. He stood up to stretch his legs and paced from one side of the lift to the other, to and fro, over and over. Merlin's eyes followed his movements.

Some noises came from above and Merlin and Arthur looked up in unison. Two seconds later, the lights went out, leaving them in total darkness. Arthur's stomach dropped and he hoped the whimper he heard came from Merlin and not himself, because that would be just embarrassing. He fumbled for his phone and activated the torch, pointing it at Merlin.

"Are you alright?" he asked again. After taking in the sight of Merlin he kicked himself for the question. Even under the terrible light of the phone Merlin looked far too pale and he was breathing too quickly and shallowly. Arthur dropped to his knees in front of him.

"Head down," he advised. "Deep breaths. We're fine. They probably just had to cut the power to let us out somehow."

He thought Merlin nodded, but it may have just been trembles. He wound his arms around himself and Arthur heard his breathing slow slightly. He shuffled around until he was by Merlin's side again and carefully placed the phone so that the light shone away from them and the two men were hidden from the view of the camera by the shadows. Then he wrapped his arm around Merlin's shoulder.

"You're alright," he reassured him quietly. "We'll be out soon."

There was a sniffle, and in the low light he could just make out Merlin wiping his face with the hem of his t-shirt.

"I'm sorry for this." Merlin's voice was so low that Arthur had to strain to hear it.

"It's fine," said Arthur, meaning it. "I can't say I'm too fond of small dark spaces either." He squeezed Merlin gently, and felt him move closer still, until there was no room between them at all. He felt Merlin's face close to his, and had to close his eyes and concentrate very hard on not leaning forward and kissing him. Arthur had been attracted to men before – his bisexuality was something he had accepted about himself long ago – but he had never felt like this before.

"Thank you," said Merlin, sounding a little stronger, "so much. I mean, I'm just-"

What Merlin was about to say Arthur never found out, as a voice came from outside. "Hello? You alright in there?"

"Just get us out!" shouted Arthur back. He released Merlin from his grip and stood again before carefully making his way to the door, where he could hear various banging and scratching noises.

A thin beam of light appeared through a small gap in the doors. Arthur stuck his fingers in the gap and pulled the door as hard as he could. Between his efforts and those of the workers outside, they managed to force the doors open. Arthur saw that they were caught between two floors and the boots of the man who had called in to him were at chest height. The man crouched down. "You two okay?"

Arthur went over to Merlin and pulled him to his feet.

"Get him out first."

He helped Merlin up and out into the crowd of people outside before pulling himself up and out of the lift.

When he finally got out, he took a few deep breaths. It had been very stuffy inside and he hadn't realised how bad it had been until he was outside again. Then he looked about for Merlin and saw him on the floor a few feet away, surrounded by people. He dove towards them and elbowed most of them out of the way.

"Give him _space_ , you _idiots_."

He noticed Gaius on the other side of Merlin watching his charge with concern.

"Where's the nearest first aid room?" Gaius asked. Arthur went to answer, but realised he didn't even know what floor he was on. He looked around for a sign of some sort. Fourth floor. The nearest first aid room was just around the corner, luckily. He said to Gaius, and then the two of them helped Merlin to his feet.

"I can walk," Merlin protested. "I'll be fine! I just need a minute." He still leant against Arthur a little and Arthur told himself it was for support only.

They made their way to the little room. Merlin looked better once he was out of the crowd of people. Arthur looked at his watch.

"Go on to your meeting," said Merlin. "I'm fine."

Arthur frowned at him, wanting to linger but Merlin made a shooing gesture. "Go on!"

The corner of Arthur's mouth quirked up. "If you're sure."

"Shoo!" said Merlin as though he was holding back laughter. Gaius was looking between them like they had both grown extra heads. Wanting to avoid more questioning than what he would face from his father, Arthur did as Merlin said and left. He took the stairs to the sixth floor.

Merlin watched Arthur leave, his hand in his pocket to pull out his phone before the door had even closed behind him. He switched his gaze back to Gaius who was watching him worriedly.

He was fine, he really was, but Gaius insisted on him being looked over by the first aid officer. It was only when he got a clean bill of heath from her that Gaius let Merlin go on to rehearsals.

By the time he actually made it to the dressing room, both Lancelot and Mordred were already there. It was clear from their faces that they'd heard. The entire country had probably heard by now, he thought. He thought of what Will's reaction to the news might have been, and then immediately decided to think about anything else. Arthur's concerned face appeared in his mind again and he swallowed. Anything else but that.

Merlin reassured them several times that he was fine (“You still look very pale,” said Lance. “Are you absolutely sure you don't want to sit down for a bit? Or a drink or something?” asked Mordred) and eventually only escaped the questioning by pointing out that they were going to be late for rehearsals.

It was a long day. Each rehearsed several times backstage, then after lunch a final dress rehearsal. They didn't manage to see any performances from the contestants in the other categories, as Gaius took them all for a meeting together, then individually, and then together again for a final pep talk.

“This will be the worst one,” he said, “because it's the first. And it'll be totally different to anything you've ever done before, and it will feel so different to the rehearsals. But you just go through everything that you've done over and over and over, and it will be fine. And something might go wrong, but it will be fine. It doesn't matter what happens, just continue. Pretend there's nobody there, if it helps. But all three of you will get through this week, and the next, and none of you are going home any time soon.” A smile broke through Gaius' serious countenance. “You three are some of the best contestants we've ever had on this show and I feel very lucky to be your mentor.”

Merlin couldn't help but smile back. He didn't know if Gaius was right (and if anybody could manage to fuck things up against all the odds, it was him), but the speech reassured him. He would get through this weekend, he told himself, one way or the other, and he could worry about next week on Monday. A few deep breaths later, he felt almost calm. Almost

Gaius rushed off to get ready, and Merlin soon found himself being poked and prodded by a harried-looking stylist and make-up artist. Then it was time to head backstage, clutching his guitar like a lifeline.

The day went quickly for Arthur after the incident in the lift. He survived the meeting with his father (who reminded Arthur once again to play up the drama of the live shows), then he met with all three of his acts individually again and watched them perform in the final rehearsal and soundchecks. He gave out a few last minute critiques, and then it was time for everybody to get ready. All of them had worked hard over the past few weeks, and he was proud of them. He didn't know if he would win this year again, but his groups would do well. He knew it.

All too soon, it was five to eight and Arthur was dressed in a perfectly pressed Armani suit. He took his place just behind centre stage, and was joined in short order by the other three judges. Gaius was dressed similarly to Arthur and he nodded to him as he took his spot.

"How's Merlin?" Arthur asked, as he fiddled with his tie. He hated ties. He could never find them comfortable - they were always either too tight or too loose.

Gaius turned to look at him. "He's nervous. Trying not to panic, I think. He'll be fine once he's on." Gaius hesitated. There was clearly something he wanted to ask, probably about the events that morning and why Arthur was suddenly so concerned with who had previously been his least-liked of all twelve acts. Fortunately, Morgana and Nimueh arrived just in the nick of time to save Arthur from questions he didn't know the answers to.

Both Morgana and Nimueh were dressed in elaborate formal dresses, but while Nimueh's was a safe red with cutaway portions in strategic places, Morgana's outfit was supremely eyecatching, with a cacophony of colours and textures and a train of peacock feathers. She always did like to put on a show in the first week. Arthur wondered how she had actually managed to get into it.

"One minute to broadcast!" The voice of the director shouted over the backstage noise, which quietened for a moment and then resumed even louder and more frantic than before.

Arthur was on the end again, on the right of the other three. Morgana stood next to him. She turned and smirked.

"Survived your little ordeal this morning, did you?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Just about," he remarked.

"It was on twitter within ten minutes," she said. "I'm pretty sure that's some sort of record."

"Uther probably staged the entire thing," he grumbled. "Looking for headlines."

Morgana threw her head back and laughed.

"Ten seconds!"

She straightened again. Arthur adjusted his posture. He held his shoulders back and his head high, and schooled his face into an inscrutable half-smile.

"We're live!"

Arthur could hear the theme music playing just beyond the wall in front of him and the excitement of the live audience seemed to creep backstage too and set everything on edge.

Kilgarragh's voice boomed.

"Welcome everybody to the first of this year's live shows!"

There was a screen high to Arthur's right. On it, he watched Kilgarragh prowl the stage.

"Backstage there are twelve very nervous acts about to make their first X-Factor live debut!"

The audience roar was nearly deafening.

An announcer called out the names of the contestants, as they appeared on screen for a few seconds, each smiling and made up in front of a CGI'd starry background.

"The Over-25s! Balinor Baker! Annis Caerleon! And Agravaine Black!"

Arthur watched each of the faces. He hadn't paid much attention to the Overs this year. It was Nimueh's category and probably the weakest of all of them. Next came Arthur's lot.

"The Groups! Free Trade! Regally Blonde! And KnightVision!"

Arthur couldn't resist smiling at the clip of KnightVision. They had worked the hardest of his three, nearly constantly drilling their dance steps over and over at every opportunity until they could all do them in their sleep.

"The Girls! Freya Rivers! Morgause Gorlois! And Gwen Smith!"

Morgana had the girls. Arthur approved of her choice of those three - even if he was a little bit doubtful about Morgause.

"And finally, the Boys! Mordred Jones! Lancelot Dulac! And Merlin Emrys!"

Arthur's breath caught at the sight of Merlin's clip just as it had when he had first laid eyes on him. Merlin was so different in the little clip, smiling confidently and looking directly into the camera with his piercing gaze.

"But first!" Kilgarragh's voice came again. "The scariest people on television today! The X-FACTOR JUDGES!"

The wall in front of Arthur's face lifted and smoke machines whirred around him. He walked forward confidently through the smoke that obscured his view. He knew this walk by heart. The four judges moved in unison, and stopped as one in the centre of the stage for Kilgarragh to introduce them.

"Gaius Wilson! Nimueh Bell! Morgana LeFay! And last but not least, ARTHUR PENDRAGON!"

Each of the judges reacted to the introduction in their own way. Gaius gave a little wave. Nimueh gave a grin and a bigger wave. Morgana pouted dramatically. And Arthur just looked straight into the camera with the little red light and glared, while deliberately giving half a smirk.

They made their way to their seats amidst the applause (and some boos. There were always boos to Arthur. He didn't mind too much).

"The theme this week," Kilgarragh growled after they had sat down (Morgana very carefully), "is BEST OF BRITAIN!" The audience cheered madly again. Kilgarragh hushed them with a raised hand. His nails were pointed and perfectly manicured, Arthur noticed. Kilgarragh continued. "That means any British songs - we are showcasing the best talent this country has to offer!"

The audience roared again.

The first act on was Agravaine. They sat through the little clip about him - showing his family and coworkers and friends who _always knew he had talent_ \- and then he came on and attempted David Bowie's _Life on Mars_. It wasn't great, and afterwards Arthur was suitably mean and the other three suitably encouraging.

After that came an ad break, then Freya sang a slow, breathy version of Coldplay's _Paradise_ (good, but too nervous).

Free Trade came after her. Once the the husband and wife team had heard the theme, they had came up with the suggestion of  _Stand and Deliver_ by Adam and the Ants. Arthur agreed with their decision – it suited them perfectly. He watched their performance closely, noting errors that he would go over with them later. Isolde's footwork was half a second behind that of both her husband and the backing dancers. Tristan was slightly off-key during the chorus. Still, it was a perfectly passable performance, and all four judges gave them good comments (Arthur made sure his was especially glowing). 

Another ad break followed. Arthur got up for a few moments just to stretch his legs, then it was back into his seat for Mordred's turn.

Mordred had impressed Arthur during bootcamp. He had stood out in a group containing a lot of talent and Arthur was pleased with Gaius' choice of taking him through. He knew that he had had his doubts, but Mordred's skill had won him over. Gaius had given Mordred arguably the most well-known song of the evening, and Mordred pulled it off well. He didn't always have all his dance moves perfect, he still moved somewhat awkwardly around the stage, and he was somewhat drowned in the elaborate and detailed staging that Gaius had come up with, but there was real talent in there and Arthur was happy to see it. In his comments, he praised Mordred's vocals while denigrating Gaius' staging, because his father wanted him to play up the rivalry more. Gaius snapped waspishly back, and it all felt as familiar as an old glove sliding onto his hand. He only just managed not to smile.

Gwen Smith was up next, and she had been given Ellie Goulding's  _Burn_ . Arthur was very impressed with her. In her audition and throughout bootcamp and the judge's houses stages, she had seemed to shy away from faster songs and stuck to the big ballads. He knew Morgana wanted to prove she could do more, and prove it she did. She received a standing ovation from the audience and even Arthur couldn't find anything bad to say about her performance.

Annis Caerleon butchered Dusty Springfield's  _Son of a Preacher Man_ after yet another break. Arthur didn't hold back with the criticism. Even Nimueh struggled to find something nice to say.

After Annis was Arthur's second group and the act he was least sure about – Regally Blonde. They tackled Jessie J's  _Domino_ , and were alright. Vivian had had a bad habit of singing over Elena during the week, but he'd hopefully broken her of it. She wasn't too bad, and Arthur was sure to play up their good points in his comments (even if he couldn't really argue with Morgana's criticisms).

Yet another break, and then came Lancelot covering Take That. Arthur had to admit that Gaius had made a good song choice there. Lancelot's voice was smooth and rich and soulful. It was an excellent performance.

Balinor Baker came next, singing Tom Jones'  _Delilah_ . It was a good song choice and suited his voice, but he simply wasn't as talented as some of the other acts. 

After (yet another) ad break, it was finally Merlin's turn on stage. Arthur paid the little clip about him more attention than he had given to that of any of the other contestants. It was mostly his Mum, who was obviously very proud, and some friends. Notably absent was his friend from the audition and bootcamp stages – Bill? No, Will - and there was no mention or hint in the video of his existence, even though Arthur knew that his father had wanted to include the drama. Gaius had put his foot down, apparently. The clip ended, and the lights came up on the stage, and there stood Merlin. He did look nervous, but then he smiled and began to play.

_Weep for yourself my man,_  
 _You'll never be what is in your heart._  
 _Weep, little lion man,_  
 _You're not as brave as you were at the start._  
 _Rate yourself and rake yourself_  
 _Take all the courage you have left_  
 _And waste it all on fixing all the problems_  
 _That you made in your own head._  


Arthur felt goosebumps rise on his arms. It was a simple performance, one that he had heard countless times over the last week, each time better than the time before. Merlin had taken every comment and every criticism into account and used them to improve himself. The end result was magical. He had the audience hypnotised, much like when he had sung Simon and Garfunkel at bootcamp – there was a hush and the only sound from the thousands of people in the room came from the man on stage and his guitar. He looked in his own world, concentrating and seeing and hearing nothing but the music.

_But it was not your fault but mine_ _And it was your heart on the line_ _I really mucked it up this time_ _Didn't I, my dear?_ _Didn't I, my dear?_

Merlin looked up and out for the first time during the song, and his eyes found Arthur's. Arthur couldn't look away. He felt his heart beat faster within his chest. Neither he nor Merlin broke their gazes, until Merlin's mouth gave a little half-quirk of a smile during a guitar solo and he broke his stare from Arthur to look into one of the cameras swooping around him.

The song ended and there was a moment, just an instant, of silence, before the audience roared and rose as one and the room resounded with applause. Gaius, Nimueh and Morgana were on their feet too. Arthur stayed sitting.

The sound died down as Kilgarragh made his way onstage. He wrapped one of his long arms around Merlin's shoulders.

“Well, Merlin.” His voice was a rumble. “I think that went well, don't you?”

The audience cheered him again. Merlin seemed temporarily speechless. He had transformed again back from the confident singer into a bundle of nerves. Eventually he found his voice.

“Oh, wow,” he said. “Yeah, yeah I think it went okay.”

The audience laughed and cheered again, and Kilgarragh smiled indulgently, showing off his pointy teeth. “Shall we see what the judges think?”

Gaius spoke first.

  
“Merlin, I know you were very nervous tonight. You did not need to be! That was fantastic! You have such a great voice, and you have improved so much since you first auditioned, and I can tell that you are just going to get better and better.”

Merlin grinned at Gaius. Arthur watched him closely. Gaius' words seemed to inflate him somehow, give him confidence. He held himself straighter.

Nimueh was next. She smiled up at him.

“That was really, really good, Merlin. It was a great song choice, and I think Gaius was right about the staging – keeping it so simple was beautiful. That was well done, and you should be proud of yourself.”

Morgana was similarly full of praise for him.

“You are the dark horse of this competition, and I think everybody else needs to keep an eye on you. I think you'll surprise us all at some point in the coming weeks, and I'm really looking forward to it.”

And then it was Arthur's turn. Arthur felt the weight of Merlin's and everybody else's eyes on him, waiting with bated breath to see what he would say. Arthur's mind flashed back to the words his father had said to him earlier that day.  _Play up the rivalry_ . He sighed dramatically. 

“Merlin,” he said, shaking his head, “I'm still not convinced.” The knuckles of Merlin's fingers turned white on his guitar, and his face fell – only slightly, but noticeably. “I want you to do something different, because I still don't know if you can. I want you to stretch yourself. I hope Morgana's right, I _want_ you to surprise me – but I don't know if you can.”

Arthur's words were nearly drowned out in a chorus of boos and jeers from the audience, who clearly disagreed with his assessment. Merlin just nodded stiffly. He fixed a smile on his face that looked nearly real, answered Kilgarragh's last few questions, and disappeared offstage. Below the table, Morgana kicked Arthur several times in quick succession. He ignored her.

KnightVision were the very last act on that night. Arthur had chosen for them Chesney Hawke's  _The One and Only_ , which was camp and cheesy and great fun. Arthur had worked them hard this week and was impressed how well they worked together. He made sure to point out in his comments when they were finished that they had only been singing together for a few weeks, and the other judges were similarly impressed. Kilgarragh dismissed them from the stage to happy screams from the audience. 

“And that, ladies, gentlemen and judges, is all the acts can do to ensure that they do not end up in the sing-off tomorrow night!”

Clips of all the performances were shown with the numbers to call to vote clearly visible.

“Be sure to tune in tomorrow night to see which two of our acts are going to be the first to sing for their survival this year – and who is going to go home! Be sure to vote for your favourite, because this year is going to be just _full_ of surprises.” Kilgarragh grinned. “Also tomorrow night we have an exclusive performance from _Will.I.Am!_ ” The audience cheered. “Believe me, you won't want to miss it. Now, it's time to switch over to ITV2 for _The Xtra Factor_ with Aithusa Greenwood, and it's goodnight from me!” 

He raised a hand to the camera, and Arthur heard the end credit music begin to play. Kilgarragh waved to the audience one last time, and was replaced on stage by Aithusa.

Aithusa was a perky little blonde with a bright smile and boundless energy. She was continually linked in the tabloids to various boyband and  _Harry Potter_ cast members. Arthur quite liked her. She was at very least less scary than Kilgarragh. At the moment, however, he just wanted to go home. First, though, he had to sit through  _The Xtra Factor._ He hoped he wouldn't get any questions about Merlin – but he doubted that would be the case.

Merlin wondered if he should be annoyed they weren't even getting Sunday mornings off, but he couldn't really bring himself to feel too bad about it after how well the show had gone last night. His performance had been his best yet, he thought, and all his friends had done well too, Lancelot and Mordred and KnightVision and Gwen and Freya. They should all have one more week together, at the very least. So it was with a minimum of complaints that they all dragged themselves out of bed on Sunday morning and headed back to the studio bright and early to rehearse the group performance, and their 'survival' song, that all but two of them wouldn't have to sing yet.

The group song that had been chosen for them this first week was Lily Allen's  _Air Balloon._ It wasn't a complicated arrangement either – each of them were given a line or two from the verses. The most complicated part was harmonising in the chorus, and everybody was in such a good mood and ready to work that it seemed to be no problem to them. The choreographer, a grumpy man named Valiant, had come up with some simple steps and after an hour or two of practice after lunch everybody had managed to at least memorise them. 

The good mood faded with the daylight however, transforming itself into nerves as the time of the show drew closer. Everybody was nervous, even those who were practically guaranteed to go through. They watched the clock, and eight o'clock came nearly unbearably slowly. They changed back into the clothes they'd been wearing the night before, got their makeup done again, and then, at long last, it was time.

The show opened with their group performance, which went nearly flawlessly (apart from Agravaine going left when he should have gone right, and nearly knocking Annis over). Merlin sang his line (' _I don't like dropping names but Kurt Cobain is all in my face_ ')in the right place and in tune. They were quickly shuffled off the stage after that during an ad break so it could be set up for Will.i.am.

Merlin had always thought that the Sunday shows were incredibly drawn-out, and he was dismayed to find that it felt even longer when you were actually watching it from the green room, as opposed to the sofa in his sitting room with his Mum. It was half an hour before they were all called back to just behind the stage, where all the contestants were reunited with their mentors for the first time since the previous day. Gaius hugged them all.

“None of you are going home this week,” he said. “Don't be worried about it.”

Merlin wished he could not worry about it, but anxiety had been lurking in the back of his brain for weeks at this stage and some reassuring words from Gaius weren't going to make it go away now. Gaius' firm calmness did help anchor him a little, though, and he took several deep breaths and hoped his heart rate settled.

He could just make out Kilgarragh on the other side of the stage talking.

“Nearly our turn,” said Gaius. “Last chance to make sure you're all presentable.” He surveyed them all with a critical eye. “Mordred, fix your shirt.”

Mordred did, and then they arranged themselves just as Merlin heard Kilgarragh shout, “Gaius and the boys!”

They emerged through the smoke to stand in their designated spot. Merlin looked up when he heard Kilgarragh say, “And finally, Arthur and the groups!”

He turned to watch Arthur and his three groups emerge from the centre of the stage. He looked immaculate as always, not a hair out of place. He was wearing his trademark expression of an inscrutable half-smirk like armour, surrounded by his contestants. Merlin forced himself to look away and back to Kilgarragh, who was looking right back at him with a knowing expression that disappeared so quickly that Merlin wasn't entirely sure it had been there in the first place. It unsettled him nonetheless, and he concentrated on the presence of Gaius and Mordred on either side of him and took a few more deep breaths.

The cameras focused back on Kilgarragh.

“In no particular order, the first act through to next week is...” he said, and touched his earpiece. The few seconds of silence seemed elongated. Merlin closed his eyes. 

“Gwen Smith!”

He opened his eyes and smiled over at Gwen, who was hugging Morgana delightedly around her contraption of a dress (blue and brown tonight, with lace in strategic places).

His attention was drawn back to Kilgarragh when he said, “The second act through is...” Another pause. This was going to take all night at this rate. “KnightVision!”

The boys around Arthur went mad with cheers and Arthur disappeared momentarily under all of them trying to hug him and each other all at once. They quickly scurried off the stage after a few seconds.

After them it was “Lancelot DuLac!” and Merlin grinned over at Lance, who reached out to him after releasing Gaius.

“Congratulations, mate!” said Merlin. Lance laughed. “I'll see you in the green room in a few minutes,” he replied, and then made his way offstage. 

Then it was “Agravaine Black!”

“Freya Rivers!”

“Regally Blonde!”

“Free Trade!”

Then, at long last, “Merlin Emrys!”

Merlin's knees went weak with relief. He grasped Gaius and Mordred tightly.

“Well done, my boy,” muttered Gaius proudly. “Off you trot, now. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.”

Merlin was soon followed offstage by Mordred and finally Morgause, leaving behind Balinor and Annis.

He settled in the green room with the others, and they turned their attention to the tv screen. Nimueh looked upset at the turn of events, but was trying hard to hide it with a brittle smile that didn't reach her eyes. Merlin remembered that this was her first year as a judge and felt quite sorry for her. He did feel worse for Balinor and Annis, though. One of them was going home tonight.

Annis sang first. She tackled Adele's _Someone Like You_ , and Merlin grimaced. It was far too big a song for her, too big a challenge. She simply didn't have the vocal skill for it. Merlin noticed his expression mirrored around the room and on the faces of the judges.

Balinor tried _Don't Stop Me Now_ by Queen. It didn't really suit him either, but he was better at it than Annis had been at Adele.

Once his last note had faded away and the audience cheers quietened, Kilgarragh turned to the judges.

Gaius sent home Annis.

Morgana sent home Annis.

Arthur sent home Balinor (just to be contrary, Merlin thought, looking at his face. He was just drawing it out, and Merlin felt desperately sorry for both Annis and Balinor).

Nimueh looked torn and looked earnestly at each of her acts, then Kilgarragh.

"I can't choose," she said, "I can't pick between my acts-"

"You're going to have to, I'm afraid." Kilgarragh had a serious expression.

She hesitated, then held her ground. "No. I refrain from voting."

Kilgarragh touched his earpiece.

"Then the act going home tonight is... Annis Caerleon!"

On the little screen, Merlin and the other acts watched Balinor embrace Annis before heading offstage and in towards them. Merlin let out a quiet sigh of relief. The first week was over now, officially, and each of them now had a one in eleven chance of winning.

Gwaine and Elyan had organised a night out for after the first elimination and insisted that everybody come, so it was only a quick stop in the house afterwards to shower and change before Gwaine was rushing them out again into taxis idling in the street. Merlin ended up in the back of a black cab heading God knows where, crushed in beside Mordred, Tristan, Isolde, Vivian, and Gwaine.

"Where are we going?" He had to shout at Gwaine to be heard, over the chatter and the radio and the noise outside.

"The Rising Sun!" shouted Gwaine back gleefully. "It's new, you'll like it!"

Merlin had never really been a person for nightclubs, given that there tended to be few of them in rural Welsh villages, but he had to admit that the Rising Sun was nice. It was also packed, but Gwaine somehow managed to get them in and into the VIP section, where it wasn't so bad. He, Mordred and Lancelot claimed a small booth with a table in the corner, and Lancelot disappeared off to the bar, yelling that the first round was on him. He arrived back several minutes later with a rather alarming number of shots.

"How did you carry all of them?" Merlin asked, amazed. Lancelot only winked at him. The good mood of earlier in the day had returned with a vengeance at some point between leaving the studio and getting into the taxis, leaving everybody feeling a little lightheaded with relief and giddiness, so Merlin didn't question it too much and thanked him enthusiastically instead.

The night passed quickly. Merlin was surprised at how much he was enjoying it, despite the too-loud music and the overpowering smell of alcohol. He remained at the table with Lancelot and Mordred, drinking more than he had since he turned eighteen. Eventually Merlin noticed Lancelot's eyes flicking to Gwen more often than would have been normal. After watching Gwen himself for a few minutes, he noticed her looking back at Lancelot nearly every time he was looking away from her. He nudged Lance with his knee under the table to get his attention while Mordred was at the bar getting another round.

“You should go over to her,” he said. “Ask her to dance. Or buy her a drink. Or something.”

Lancelot ducked his head and Merlin could have sworn he was blushing, but it may have just been an effect of the terrible lighting. “Am I that obvious?” he murmured, so low that Merlin had to strain to hear him.

Merlin thought about saying  _no, no, not at all,_ but the alcohol made his tongue more honest that he would otherwise have been. He patted Lance on the back sympathetically. 

“Yup.”

Lance glanced up towards Gwen again, before looking back to Merlin. Merlin looked over at Gwen too, where she was happily chatting with Freya and Elena, and saw what Lancelot missed yet again when her gaze lingered at their table.

“You really think I should?” asked Lancelot. “Buy her a drink?”

“Yes,” said Merlin firmly. He poked Lance in the shoulder. “Go. Mordred and I will survive without you.”

Lancelot nodded (more to himself than to Merlin), got up decisively, and began weaving though the crowd towards Gwen.

Nearly as soon as he had gone, Mordred was back. He frowned in confusion at Lance's vacated seat.

“Where's he gone then?”

Merlin nodded in his direction. “Off to talk to Gwen.”

Mordred rolled his eyes. “Finally. They've been making cow eyes at each other all week.” He smiled at Merlin. “Looks like we're going to have to drink his share.”

Mordred, for some reason, had ordered tequila which Merlin had never had before. After a few shots of it, he was more than tipsy and it made him feel confident and cocky and careless. As the night grew later and Lancelot didn't come back to their table, Merlin ended up pressed close to Mordred in the shadows in back of their little booth, both talking openly and laughing too loudly at the other's jokes. Merlin began noticing Mordred's eyes, which were very blue, and his smile, which was very bright, and his hands, which were small and soft, with long, tapered fingers. He noticed too the way Mordred's eyes lingered on Merlin's lips and ears.

Will's face and voice from months ago came back into his head.

_He totally fancies you, you know._

For the first time since those days, Merlin didn't immediately suppress the thought of Will. His face slipped out of his mind easily like butter, but the echo of his words remained.

_He fancies you._

Merlin bit his lower lip and his face was close enough to Mordred's that Merlin could see his pupils dilate. He glanced around. It was late, and the club was emptying. Half of the people they had arrived with were gone. Lance and Gwen were looking cosy in another corner. Merlin could see Percival's head above everybody else's from across the room, and soon spotted the rest of his bandmates near him.

He leaned closer still to Mordred, who mirrored him.

"It's getting late," he said, "Maybe we should get a taxi."

Mordred's tongue darted out to wet his lips, and Merlin couldn't help but stare. He felt his heart beat louder and faster inside his chest. Mordred broke away from Merlin slightly as if waking from a trance. He glanced at his watch, and Merlin watched as what time it was registered.

"Yeah," said Mordred. "We should do that. Taxi. Right."

Merlin shuffled out of the booth, Mordred close on his heels. They slipped out quietly, their exit unnoticed by any of the people remaining.

It wasn't a long taxi ride back, but it felt like forever, pressed up against Mordred again in the back of the cab. Merlin tried to keep his hands folded in his lap, but they itched to move across the muscles in Mordred's back, across his slim shoulders and down his chest. When they finally arrived back at the house, Merlin practically threw the fare at the taxi driver and with a shout over his shoulder of "Keep the change!", he grasped Mordred's hand in his and pulled him out of the car and towards the front door.

They met nobody on their way to the bedroom. When the door closed behind Merlin Mordred was suddenly on him, his lips pressed against Merlin's, their hips slotting together just so. Merlin's leg pressed forwards and upwards until it was between Mordred's, and then they were even closer together.

There was a faint feeling in the back of Merlin's mind that this maybe wasn't the best idea, but it had been  _so long_ since he had been with anybody, and Mordred was  _right there_ , and the shots and the tequila and everything else besides had screwed his courage to the sticking place and thrown his common sense out the window, leaving just the lust and the want he felt for the man in front of him. He had the presence of mind to remove a hand from where it was exploring Mordred's chest (ignoring Mordred's whine at the loss) to lock the door he was pressed against.

Mordred detached his face from Merlin's (and then it was Merlin's turn to whine at his respective loss, and try to chase Mordred's lips with his own) just long enough to pull his t-shirt over his head and then he was back.

Mordred tasted like tequila and toothpaste. Merlin's hands went to the buttons on his own shirt, and while trying to work out how to undo them he felt Mordred's hands move from his back to the fly on his jeans. He eventually managed to wrestle the shirt off and suddenly they were skin-on-skin, chests pressed against each other. It felt magnificent. Merlin wanted more. He placed his hands on Mordred's hips and walked him backwards towards the nearest bed. Luckily, it was Mordred's, and they fell on top of it, still kissing. Merlin felt his cock harden despite the amount of alcohol he'd consumed as Mordred managed at long last to undo the buttons on his jeans.

"Wait, wait," said Mordred, "Need to-"

Merlin wasn't sure how he managed it as everything was a bit fuzzy, but Mordred twisted somehow and their positions reversed, Merlin's back pressed into the bed. Mordred got up and went to the other side of the room, opening a drawer and searching, then fiddling with something. Merlin lay back on the bed and thought about nothing at all until a minute or two later when Mordred returned with a handful of condoms and a bottle of lube.

"You want to?" Mordred asked, suddenly quiet in the darkness of the room.

"Yeah," said Merlin. "Fuck, yes."

Mordred was on top of him again, condoms and lube still clutched in his hands, and Merlin was too distracted to notice the blinking red light on the other side of the room.


	5. Week Two: Love And Heartache

Merlin woke up the next morning in urgent need of a painkiller for his pounding head. He was so wrapped up in wanting to curl up into a ball and die that it took him a minute to notice that A- he was not in his own bed; and B- he was not alone in not-his-bed.

Slowly and painfully the memories of the previous night returned to him piece by piece, like a terrible jigsaw. He remembered the relief of getting through the first week, then Gwaine insisting on going out, and then Lancelot (damn him to hell and back) buying those drinks - and then. And then he remembered Mordred.

Mordred.

Mordred, who was currently fast asleep half on top of him, their legs twined together.

Merlin shut his eyes and hoped desperately that he was still asleep and this was an unfortunate dream, but when he opened them again (slowly, because even the thin beams of dawn sunlight drilled into his brain like lasers) Mordred was still there. On top of him. Sleeping.

Oh God, he thought.

He slowly moved Mordred's arm from its position around his chest and gently moved his legs out from under the covers until he was able to sit up. His head spun, and he immediately wanted to lie back down again. He looked behind him once more to Mordred, steeled himself, and then stood. The contents of his stomach (nearly entirely liquid) tried to make an appearance back up the way they had came, but he clenched his fists, screwed his eyes shut again and concentrated until the urge to vomit went away.

He found his dressing gown at the foot of his bed where he'd left it the previous morning after his shower. He put it on slowly then checked his watch. It was very early - not even half five yet. He debated just going and lying down in his own bed but the thought of painkillers and a glass of water made him head for the kitchen instead, all the while hoping against hope that he wouldn't encounter anybody else on the way.

He should be so lucky.

Merlin made his way down and into the kitchen as quietly as he could and headed for the cupboard where the medicine was kept. So focused on his task was he that when a voice came from behind him, from the direction of the sitting room, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Good night?"

Merlin only just managed not to scream. He turned to face Lancelot, and internally cursed the open-plan layout of the house that had let him be noticed.

Lancelot was smiling at him knowingly, still dressed in the clothes that he'd worn the night before (albeit considerably more rumpled) and it was at that moment Merlin remembered that he and Mordred had locked the door of their room, leaving Lance with no way in. He felt like the worst roommate in the world.

Lancelot, on the other hand, was possibly the best roommate in the world, as he didn't look like he minded too much about being sexiled from his own bedroom for the entire night and having to sleep on the sofa instead.

Merlin grimaced at him. "I'm sorry. We didn't mean to lock you out-" He was cut off by Lance waving a hand at him unconcernedly.

"It's alright. Neurofen's in at the back of the cupboard, if you can't find it. I daresay you won't be the only one needing it this morning, so you may as well leave it on the counter."

After two neurofen capsules and several large glasses of water, Merlin felt a little more like a human being again.

"So," said Lance after a few minutes, "was it a good night?"

Merlin grimaced again. "I can't remember much of it."

Lance raised his eyebrows. "It certainly sounded like you were having a good time," he said.

It took Merlin a few seconds to work out his meaning. He felt his entire face flush and wished very much for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

"What was in those drinks?" he asked instead of answering the question.

A look of understanding passed over Lancelot's face. "Ah."

Merlin moved to the coffee machine so he wouldn't have to face Lancelot.

"I shouldn't have," he muttered. "We shouldn't have."

He concentrated on the machine, on what buttons to press. He heard Lancelot come up behind him.

"If that's the way it is," he wrapped an arm reassuringly around Merlin's shoulders, "your secret's safe with me."

Merlin half-smiled, and nudged him with a shoulder in acknowledgement. "Thanks," he said, quietly.

The rest of the house woke up slowly and in much the same state as Merlin. They didn't have as early a start that morning as they had had during the week before. Merlin thought that must have been due to whoever ran the scheduling being aware of what was most likely a long-running tradition of the contestants to get absolutely hammered the Sunday night of the first week, and so had taken pity on them. By half eleven, however, they were all back in the studio to begin work for the next show.

Merlin was the first to arrive in Gaius' dressing room to be given their next songs, and Lancelot soon joined him, followed by Mordred a few minutes later. He noticed Mordred more now than he had before, like he was taking up more space in the room and in Merlin's field of vision. He winced. It wasn't pleasant to be reminded of his mistake. Mordred seemed to feel differently about the entire thing. He flashed Merlin a quick smile as he sat down. Merlin was suddenly grateful that Lancelot was sitting between them. He returned the grin with an insincere half-smile of his own, and then looked away quickly so he wouldn't have to see the expression on Mordred's face.

Gaius seemed completely ignorant of the awkwardness in the room - either that, or he was a master at ignoring it - and distributed sheet music out to them. Merlin raised his eyebrows when he saw what Gaius had chosen for him this week.

"The Lumineers?"

Gaius raised his eyebrow at Merlin, and Merlin wisely shut up.

"'Love and Heartbreak' is the theme for this week," he said, "and this one suits you."

Merlin paled slightly. "Isn't it a little... same-y? Shouldn't I be doing something different?"

"This time it will be different," said Gaius firmly. "You're not going to have your guitar, but there's going to be a piano on stage with you this time, and backing vocals. It's going to be more of a production this week."

Merlin still had his doubts, (a  _ piano?! _ ) but he acquiesced. He glanced over to see what Lancelot and Mordred had gotten. Lancelot had 'Wherever you will go' by the Calling; Mordred had been assigned The Script's 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved'. 

Gaius spoke to them for a few minutes, then let them go to the vocal coach to practice. She was a stern lady named Mary Collins and she took Lancelot first, so Merlin was left alone with Mordred again.

"Shall we go get a coffee or something?" asked Mordred.

Merlin couldn't think of a good enough excuse to say no, so to the little cafeteria they went. He claimed one of the free tables in the middle of the room while Mordred went to get two coffees. It wasn't long until he was back.

They sat in awkward silence for a minute. Merlin didn't know if the silence was worse than actually having a conversation with Mordred would be.

"So," said Mordred with a smile.

Merlin couldn't look at him. He looked down at his drink instead, stirred it with the little wooden stick that was provided instead of spoons, and wondered if it would be theoretically possible to drown himself in it out of embarrassment because he definitely did not want to be having this conversation at all, never mind in public. Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw Mordred's smile drop off his face and be replaced with a confused frown.

"Are you alright?"

Merlin forced himself to actually look Mordred in the eye. The poor man deserved that at least.

"Yeah," he said. "Well, I've been worse. Thanks, by the way." He raised the coffee in a brief  _ cheers _ movement. 

"So..."

_ Oh God _ , thought Merlin. 

"Last night," said Mordred carefully. "It was good, yeah?"

Merlin took a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah it was, but look, Mordred-" He paused, wondering how to continue. "I- I mean, we - we shouldn't have. Slept together. Sorry."

'Sorry' seemed to be far too small a word to encompass the sheer awfulness that Merlin felt when he saw Mordred's expression change from happiness into shock and hurt.

"But," said Mordred, "I wanted to, and so did you, didn't you? You did? I didn't-"

"No, no, I did want to," he reassured him, "you didn't do anything wrong, not at all, it was me-"

Mordred's expression turned angry. "Is that what this is? ' _ It's not you, it's me _ '?! You can do better than that, Merlin, surely."

Merlin felt like the worst person in the world for the second time that day. He hoped that it wasn't going to be a regular thing. He wanted to make more excuses to Mordred, to say  _ I was drunk _ or  _ It really isn't you, I swear _ , but none of the words he could find seemed good enough and Mordred didn't deserve more excuses.

"I'm sorry," he said again. It still didn't feel like nearly enough. Merlin wondered if he could invent a word somehow that meant 'Sorry, I fucked up majorly and am a terrible person and there are not enough apologies in the world to make up for it'. Maybe someone somewhere had written a song along those lines. He should look it up.

Mordred was quiet for a while, long enough that Merlin looked up at him from his coffee. There was still a trace of anger on Mordred's face, but it was drowned out by hurt and embarrassment. Merlin could read the emotions on his face as easily as he could the words on the sheet music earlier.

"It's alright," he said. "I mean, I was drunk too, maybe it wasn't the best idea-" He cut himself off before he could say any more.

"It's not that I regret it, really." Merlin bit his lip. It was a total and utter lie and he hoped Mordred wouldn't see right through him. "It's just - given where we are, you know? And I'm not - I'm not out. At home. To my Mum and my friends and all, they don't know."

Mordred's brow furrowed. "Really?"

"Yeah. And there were paparazzi last night, I think. Hanging around. I don't want to risk anything, you know?"

Mordred nodded, more understanding now.

They were quiet for another minute, then Merlin nudged Mordred with his leg beneath the table.

"We're alright, yeah?"

Mordred looked a little torn, but then: "Yeah. Yeah, we're alright."

Merlin gave him an encouraging little smile. "Good. Because poor Lancelot doesn't deserve to get caught in the middle of us. He needs to go play happy families with Gwen, not be stuck in our drama. "

Mordred's laugh looked like it took him by surprise.

"I don't know if Elyan's too fussed in Lancelot dating his sister," sniggered Mordred. "He spent half of last night glaring at them."

Merlin grinned, grateful for the change in topic. He and Mordred would be okay, the caffeine was taking effect and getting rid of the last remnants of his hangover, and he had all week to practice his song. Maybe everything would work out okay. It wasn't too long until Mordred got a text from Gaius summoning him for something or other, and Merlin, still waiting for Lance to be finished with the vocal coach, was left alone.

As terrible as it sounded, Arthur was happy that it had been two of Nimueh's acts in the bottom two, and not one of his own. He'd been worried about Regally Blonde's performance on Saturday night as it wasn't as brilliant as it could have been, and they simply didn't have the talent to get to the end of the competition, but they were safe for now. So he was grateful for that, even if it did mean he'd have to deal with Vivian's stroppiness for at least another week.

He was up and in his office-slash-dressing-room early that morning getting a head start. He knew that none of the contestants would be in that early (and he could only hope that not  _ too _ many headlines this morning would focus on the party he knew they must have had last night) and he didn't have anything urgent to do, he was surprised to find, so he took the opportunity to avail of the rare peace and quiet to work on his own music for a while. His next album wouldn't come out until the end of next year, at the very earliest, but he was working on a few tracks already. The act of sitting down to a blank sheet of paper felt freeing, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It felt like he could breathe again. 

His father summoned him imperiously at ten on the dot, and then kept him for what felt like forever to discuss ratings and what could be improved and maybe there should be a change of advertisements in the second break next week, what did Arthur think? All Arthur could think was that he really didn't care about audience numbers and sponsors, he just wanted back to his dressing room and tattered old notebook. He made his excuses when the clock behind Uther's head ticked its way at long last to half eleven and he ran to meet his acts.

It was Love and Heartache this week, which was still a ridiculously wide category, thank god. He liked having choices. He'd given the girls a Lady Gaga song this week, which seemed to please them (Vivian especially). They could pull off  _ Bad Romance _ no problem, particularly if he made such a massive production of it that hardly anybody would pay attention to their singing. He idly wondered if he could get a stuffed-animal dress made for Vivian on such short notice. 

He'd given Free Trade  _ (I've had) The Time of my Life  _ from the  _ Dirty Dancing  _ soundtrack, and KnightVision Jason Mraz's  _ I'm Yours _ . Both bands seemed happy with his choice, so Arthur sent them off to start work. 

After dealing with Gwaine and Vivian at the same time, however, he was in desperate need of a cup of coffee and headed to the cafeteria. It was a bright little place, decorated with the same cheery-yet-bland colour scheme as dozens of other cafeterias in television studios all over the country. As it was so small, it was often jammed with people and when he turned to face the room with his little paper cup of caffeine he discovered the only empty seat in the place was opposite a rather lonely-looking Merlin Emrys. He debated for a moment about carrying his drink all the way back upstairs, but the thought of all the people he'd run into in the corridors that would want something from him made him shudder. Having decided that facing Merlin again would be the lesser of two evils, he approached the table.

“Mind if I sit here?” He watched the cycle of emotions over Merlin's face as he first looked up from his phone in minor annoyance, to shock, before settling on poorly-hidden resignation. 

“No,” replied Merlin. “Of course not. Here, let me-” he moved the remains of another cup out of Arthur's way so he would have room to set his drink down. 

“Thanks.”

Arthur sat and sipped his coffee and tried not to watch Merlin's hands fiddle nervously with his phone. He failed. After a few minutes he couldn't take the silence anymore.

“Good night last night?”

Merlin's head jerked up. He looked like a deer caught in headlights and he swallowed reflexively. Arthur involuntarily watched his adams apple bob before figuratively giving himself a shake.

“Yeah. It was good.”

Arthur took a sip of his coffee. “Where did you go?”

“The Rising Sun?”

Arthur looked at him. “That's not long opened, is it? I haven't been there yet. Is it nice?"

"Yeah. Packed, though."

"I can imagine."

Arthur took another sip of his coffee.

"What song has Gaius given you this week?"

Merlin coughed and looked away awkwardly.

"The Lumineers.  _ Ho Hey _ ."

Arthur just refrained from offering his opinion. He would have had Merlin stretching himself by now - he thought Gaius played it too safe. Instead he said, "You'll be good at that."

Merlin's mouth twisted into an unsure expression. "I hope so. I'm not too sure what he's planning, really."

Arthur shrugged. "He knows what he's doing."

He didn't know why talking to Merlin was so much more awkward now than it had been in the lift only two days ago. Those two days felt so long, now, but the incident was still fresh in his mind. The feel of Merlin's body against his, his scent, the closeness of their faces such that Arthur had been able to feel Merlin's breath on his face. All the memories had lingered in the top of his mind since, distorting the time since so that it felt like forever ago, yet still somehow so close.

He looked at Merlin's face again. There was a question on it, something he wanted to ask but hadn't.

"What is it?"

"Huh?"

"You look like you have a question. What is it?"

Merlin hesitated for just a second, then all the words rushed out like a river.

"How do you deal with it? Not having a private life, and photographers everywhere, and seeing your face on the front page of the tabloids?"

Arthur frowned at him. What had brought this on? He thought for a moment before he answered.

“You just get used to it, I suppose. And you learn to work around it. You make friends with people you trust not to sell stories to the papers and you're careful with who you're seen with in public and things like that. It's a bit of a double-edged sword, though. None of us would do as well without the media, and a lack of privacy is part of a trade-off.” He shrugged. “And it helps if you never do anything interesting enough to land yourself on the front page.” He took another sip of coffee.

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason. Just a bit worried, I suppose.”

“Don't be,” advised Arthur. “You could always try and control it a bit, if you wanted. Get yourself a twitter account and whatnot. But that has a bit of a tendency to backfire sometimes.”

“You don't have one,” Merlin pointed out.

Arthur smirked. “I have better things to do than worry about what people are saying about me.”

Merlin laughed. “I think I'll manage.”

Arthur nodded sagely. “Probably for the best. There's enough stupidity on twitter without you adding to it.”

“Oi!” Merlin kicked Arthur under the table. “Easy for you to say, you prat.”

Arthur couldn't keep a straight face, and he started to laugh. After a moment, Merlin's offended expression disappeared and he began to giggle too.

Merlin's phone buzzed and when he looked down at it the laughter fell from his face. “I've got to go,” he said. “Mary wants me now.”

“Wait,” said Arthur, and before he could think better of it, he pulled a pen out of one of his pockets and wrote down his phone number on a napkin. 

“Just in case you have any more questions.”

Merlin stared at the piece of paper like Arthur had just written down the secrets of the universe. Arthur rolled his eyes at him.

“Send me a text so I've got your number as well.”

Merlin smiled at him. “Thanks,” he said. “You didn't have to-”

Arthur pointed at the door. “Go,” he said sternly. “Believe me, you do not want to keep Mary Collins waiting.”

Merlin laughed again and left, clutching the napkin. It was a few minutes later that Arthur got a text from an unfamiliar number.

_Prat :P_

He laughed and saved it in his contacts under ' _ Idiot _ '. 

Merlin phoned his mum every night to keep her updated, but much as he wished he could, he couldn't tell her everything. He missed Will more than ever. He wasn't used to keeping things inside when Will had always been there before, willing to listen to all of Merlin's problems and then call him an idiot. He couldn't tell his mum how even though he had smoothed things over with Mordred, there was a hint of hesitance and awkwardness still permeating their every interaction, or how he  _ actually had Arthur Pendragon's phone number _ . Instead he worried at her about his vocals and song and told her how good everybody else was being in rehearsals. 

“Make sure you watch Gwen this week,” he said. “She's going to be amazing. She's been practising non-stop, and she was practically perfect to start with. And Freya's been working really hard this week, too.”

“You are going to be brilliant, _cariad_ ,” Hunith had just said, quiet and confident. “You're not going to be home for a while yet.”

He took strength from his Mum's words, and worked harder. He somehow ended up texting Arthur on a regular basis – mostly trading insults – and even had coffee with him again when they ran into each other in the cafeteria at the same time on Thursday again.

Saturday rolled around faster than Merlin had anticipated. He didn't feel quite prepared yet and his nerves had made a reappearance around mid-week when he couldn't get a note quite right, and they had only been growing since them. The occasional text from Arthur didn't help him – if anything, the spike in his heart rate every time he saw Arthur's name appear on his phone screen was making him worse.

At a quarter to eight, he was just getting the finishing touches on his make-up when his phone buzzed.

_Wait til u c what Morgana's wearing tonight. Think she skinned a muppet._

Merlin was already backstage as he was on early in the show that night (second, after Tristan and Isolde) so once he had finished being assaulted by a make up brush, he peered around a corner until he caught sight of all four judges standing together. Morgana's dress was indeed blue and furry, but it was Arthur that caught his attention. He was stunning as usual in another suit and a bright green tie, although Merlin was sure he could be equally as attractive if he were wearing a bin bag. He ducked back around the corner and pulled out his phone.

_She could at least have had the decency to match it to that monstrosity you're wearing as a tie ;)._

He smirked at the screen and pressed send before he could change his mind. A few seconds later, he heard Arthur's laugh from across the room.

“Ten minutes until broadcast!” The voice of the director made him jump. He headed back to where he was supposed to be before she could catch sight of him. 

He watched Tristan and Isolde perform from just offstage. They were alright, he thought, even if Valiant hadn't managed to teach them any  _ Dirty Dancing _ moves in time. The judges agreed with him – Arthur was as enthusiastic as you would expect him to be with one of his own acts, Morgana thought that their performance was good but somewhat cheesy, Nimueh agreed that it was cheesy but disagreed that it was a bad thing, and Gaius called them “the real deal!”, whatever that meant. 

And then it was his turn.

As soon as the lights went down for his little clip Merlin was out and on his mark behind the microphone in the centre of the stage, ignoring the people behind him setting up platforms and the piano. They neatly moved around each other with well-practiced moves, while Merlin's pre-recorded voice blasted from speakers around them, talking about how scary the first show was and how he was determined to stay in the running.

The lights came up, the pianist behind him started playing, and Merlin's moment had come. As he always did, he felt freer and lighter when he sang.

_I've been trying to do it right._  
 _I've been living a lonely life,_  
 _I've been sleeping here instead_  
 _I've been sleeping in my bed._  
 _Sleeping in my bed._  


At the start of the week it had felt utterly wrong to be on the stage without his guitar shielding him and giving his arms and hands something to do, but the endless practices and Valiant drilling him on how to move around the stage and with microphone meant that he was nearly used to the feeling. It still didn't feel quite right though. He looked into the right camera at the right time as they moved around him, only thinking about his mum watching at home and very deliberately not of the millions of other people.

_So show me family,_  
 _All the blood that I would bleed_  
 _I don't know where I belong_  
 _I don't know where I went wrong_  
 _But I can write a song._  


For the first time in the song he looked down at the judges. Gaius was nodding along happily, the girls looked like they were enjoying it, and Arthur – Arthur met his gaze and gave him a tiny, private smile.

_And I belong with you, you belong with me_  
 _You're my sweetheart_  
 _I belong with you, you belong with me,_  
 _My Sweetheart._  


The song ended and Merlin closed his eyes until he heard the audience begin to applaud. The sound made him grin stupidly. When he managed to look, he saw that they were on their feet for him, as was Gaius. Standing there, in front of everybody and seeing how they'd reacted to  _ him, _ to  _ his voice _ – it was the best feeling in the world, and he drank every bit of it in because he didn't know just how many more times it was going to happen.

Merlin was soon joined by Kilgarragh, who wrapped his arms around Merlin's shoulders again. Waving one of his long arms, Kilgarragh soon quietened the noise of the audience before turning to face Merlin.  For the first time, Merlin really noticed how tall he was. Merlin was gangly himself, but Kilgarragh had a few inches on him, at least.

“Merlin! No guitar this week?”

“No, I left it at home this week.” Merlin smiled nervously, the high he'd gotten from the applause beginning to fade. “It was a bit weird, not having it, you know? But I hope I did okay.”

Another round of applause buoyed him. He remembered all the times he had watched the show at home, how annoying he had found the constant cheers or booing or screams from the audience. He would never think that again – he was grateful for every last decibel of it.

“Shall we see what the judges think?” said Kilgarragh as the noise died down.

This week it was Arthur who gave his comments first. He didn't look too happy, compared to the rest of the audience.

“That was better than last week,” he admitted grudgingly. “But I still don't think you're showing us the best you can do, Merlin. I want better from you, and I won't be happy until I see it. You're not wowing me yet. There's still something missing.”

Merlin's heart dropped. He hadn't expected Arthur to change his opinion of his performances, really, but it was disheartening to not impress him after working so hard. He didn't know what to do to finally change his mind about him.

Morgana and Nimueh took issue with Arthur's words.

“It was marvellous,” Morgana declared, “Utterly marvellous. Ignore every word that comes out of Arthur's mouth, Merlin. He clearly doesn't know what he's talking about. You are so talented.”

“I love your voice, Merlin,” said Nimueh, “I really do. That was a fantastic performance.”

Gaius went last. “Merlin, I know better than anyone else just how hard you're working and how much better you've gotten. You have such an incredible stage presence. When you're up there singing, this entire room-” he gestured to the audience “-is completely focused on you. And  _ Arthur-  _ nobody is perfect, including yourself! Everybody can improve somewhere. Merlin is only going to get better and better and better!”

Gaius' comments heartened Merlin. He waved to the audience as he vacated the stage, making the silly little  _ vote-for-me  _ phone gesture everybody else did as they passed the cameras.

He watched the rest of his fellow contestants from the green room. Freya was on after him, and she sang a gorgeous version of Passenger's  _ Let Her Go  _ and got great comments from all of the judges, including Arthur, who gave her one of the smiles that had melted hearts around the country and said “ _ I don't think you know just how good you are _ .” When she came back, he hugged her and tried not to feel resentful that while he and Arthur were slowly growing closer offstage, on stage he was still an enormous prat where Merlin was concerned. 

It had been a good show for Freya, but the same couldn't be said for everybody. Gwen sang a heartfelt version of ' _ Someone like you' _ which had gone down well with the audience and Nimueh and Morgana, but Gaius and Arthur hadn't been as impressed. (“I know you have a truly wonderful voice”, Gaius had said, “and there is no doubt you have the talent to pull off that song, but it is a very big song, and I'm not sure you're capable of it quite yet.”). Balinor's performance was rather terrible rendition of  _ Suspicious Minds _ , and despite Arthur's elaborate staging and ridiculous costumes, nothing was able to distract from the fact that Elena and Vivian couldn't quite do Lady Gaga justice. Agravaine's version of  _ Iris _ didn't go down too well either, with the audience or the judges. 

Even Mordred wasn't as good as he had been in the previous week. Merlin watched as Nimueh gently pointed out that he had had several tuning issues and Arthur said, “I know you're capable of better, Mordred. That's what frustrates me.” He still felt guilty about their night together nearly a week later, and he really hoped that it wasn't because Mordred's heart was elsewhere that his performance hadn't been up to his normal standard. No sooner had the thought occurred to Merlin than he dismissed it for being so self-centered, but the note of unease it left stayed with him.

It wasn't all bad, though. Morgause was great at  _ Nothing Compares 2 U _ , which took her out of her comfort zone but really let her show off her voice, and KnightVision's non-stop practising had meant that their harmonies were perfect. Lancelot had also gotten good comments in addition to nearly making half the audience (including Merlin and Gwen) swoon. 

Kilgarragh wrapped up the show by announcing that Ke$ha would be performing the next night and reminding everyone at home to pick up the phone and vote for their favourites, then at long last the show was over. They had to hang around for another few minutes to chat to Aithusa for the Xtra Factor, and then, finally, Merlin was free to go back to the house and sleep.

Merlin did not feel hopeful on Sunday. He tried to throw himself into the rehearsals for their group performance (this week it was  _ Shot Through The Heart _ ) and then each of them had time to go and practice for the sing-off. Merlin couldn't feel hopeful that he would be one of the lucky majority who didn't have to sing alone tonight. 

Eight o'clock came slowly, and they opened the show. The song went well, despite a few minor tuning issues. They were getting better and growing closer all as a group, and Merlin couldn't stand the thought that he mightn't be part of it for much longer. He hated the fact that somebody would be leaving tonight, even though he was reassured by Gwen and Lancelot that it wouldn't be him. He wished he had their confidence.

There was an awful long time between their performance and the actual results. Merlin found himself slightly in awe at how good Uther Pendragon was at dragging things out. There was a recap of all of their performances and a few of the comments of each (Merlin's had featured Morgana calling him 'so talented' and Arthur saying 'but there is still something missing') and a last plea from Kilgarragh for votes before the lines closed. Then Ke$ha performed one of her songs - Merlin couldn't remember which, he couldn't even remember watching, he was so busy fretting. Ad break followed ad break, until they were all called up once again and Merlin finally took his place beside Gaius with Mordred and Lancelot on stage.

Kilgarragh called out Freya's name first, and Morgana's delight was clear from across the room. Then Agravaine, followed by Lancelot.

Merlin couldn't feel resentful towards Lancelot, because he definitely deserved it. Then it was just him and Mordred to wait beside Gaius.

Mordred didn't have to wait long. His name was called a few minutes later, after KnightVision and Gwen.

Next Morgause's name was called. Morgana looked utterly satisfied, and was the first judge to go and sit down.

It was down to four of them now, and he was the last of the boys. 

Kilgarragh hesitated longer before the next name. "Free Trade!"

Merlin watched the happiness spread over Arthur's face from across the room as Tristan and Isolde hugged him at the same time before walking off the stage, hand in hand. He swallowed. Gaius reached for Merlin's hand and gripped it tightly. He couldn't be going home yet. Surely, not yet. But there was only one more name to be called.

Kilgarragh drew the silence out for as long as he could. Merlin shut his eyes. He imagined his Mum watching on their little television at home, what she must be feeling. She was probably more nervous than he was.

"Merlin Emrys!"

Merlin very nearly felt his knees give out below him. He turned to hug Gaius instead. His head was full of shock and relief in equal measure. He had managed to avoid the sing-off, somehow. Gaius let go of him and they went their separate ways - Gaius back to the judge's table, Merlin to the green room.

"That means," Kilgarragh continued, ignorant of Merlin's near emotional breakdown, "that in the sing-off this evening are Balinor Baker and Regally Blonde!"

Merlin made it to the green room and was immediately attacked by Gwen and her well-meaning hugs.

"I told you you would get through!" chided Gwen. "Nobody  _ actually _ listens to Arthur Pendragon, you know. I mean, I'm sure people  _ listen _ , but nobody really takes him seriously, I'm sure. Probably. But you're through! Oh, and poor Elena, and Vivian!"

Merlin dragged her to a free spot on one of the sofas facing the television. "Come on, shh. We'll miss them."

Balinor sang first. His song was John Denver's  _ Leaving on a Jet Plane _ , and it didn't particularly impress anyone (besides being a rather odd choice for a sing-off song). Nimueh tried to make Balinor feel better about it, but Merlin could see the worry lines around her eyes.

Arthur introduced Regally Blonde. Elena and Vivian sang better than they ever had before, and their choice of Natalie Imbruglia's  _ Torn _ surprised everybody, including Merlin, who had expected them to stick with something a bit more upbeat.

Arthur, obviously, sent Balinor home this week, and Nimueh also backed her own act and sent the girls home. It was down to Gaius and Morgana. Morgana went first. Her expression was set, and she looked sure of her choice. She didn't beat around the bush.

"I have to save who I think is better," she said, "And who I think has more potential in this competition. So, I'm sending home Balinor."

Gaius didn't look as sure as Morgana. "I think you both are very good acts, in your own way." He hesitated, and Merlin found himself leaning forwards in anticipation with everybody else in the green room. Would Gaius send it to deadlock again this week?

Gaius took a deep breath. "I'm also sending home Balinor."

Merlin watched Balinor's face fall on the screen. He tried to feel sorry for him, but he couldn't feel anything past the relief that he got to stay for at least another week.

He was in bed that night (in an empty room – Gwaine had organised another night out and Merlin didn't feel like going along) when his phone buzzed. It was a text in Arthur.

_I suppose congratulations are in order :P. There's just no getting rid of you yet, apparently._

Merlin smirked at the message and sent his own back.

_ Sorry to disappoint you. Just you keep trying, somebody might listen to you sooner or later ;) _


	6. Week Three: Seventies Hits

  


“No, Mum, we're not dating, I swear – I'd tell you first, I promise.”

Hunith sounded doubtful. “But you looked awfully cosy in that picture in the Daily Mail!”

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. “Freya and I are just friends. We went to get a coffee when we had a few minutes free. You can't believe everything you read in the papers, Mum.”

“Are you _sure_? Because she seems like a lovely girl, I like her.”

“Mum, stop it.” Merlin said firmly. “I am not interested in Freya, nor is she interested in me. We are _just friends_. Stop asking.”

“Fine,” his mother sighed. Merlin looked at his watch.

“I've got to go,” he said. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Good luck!”

Merlin hung up, and began to regret his decision to go to Starbucks with Freya on Monday afternoon. He had run into her in the cafeteria and on realising that none of the options there looked particularly appetising, he had suggested the coffee shop around the corner. He had forgotten that there were always photographers lurking around the building, eager for any sort of scoop, and he and Freya had been snapped laughing over their drinks. He only found out about the unexpected publicity the next day, when his Mum had rang him, wanting the details.

Merlin finished his lunch in the quiet and safety of the boys dressing room, both Lancelot and Mordred gone. After a few minutes, his phone buzzed again. It was Arthur this time. He opened the text to find a picture message of a _Daily Star_ headline above yet another picture of himself and Freya seen through a window. The headline read _Budding X-Factor Romance?_. The pathetic excuse of an article beneath it was a blur, the screen on Merlin's phone too small to show the words. Below the image was a message from Arthur. _Not great at this keeping yourself out of the papers thing, are you?_

Merlin glared at his phone.

_Isn't my fault people find me interesting, you prat :P._

The reply came less than a minute later.

_God knows why they do._

“Merlin!” Merlin looked up from his phone and started. Gaius was standing in front of him, his manner letting Merlin know that this was not the first time his name had been called. Merlin hadn't even heard him come in.

“I've been looking for you! Mary's free now, you need to get over there as soon as possible. Then you have a wardrobe fitting – no dawdling!”

Merlin was apologetic. “Sorry, Gaius. Lost track of time.”

Gaius raised his eyebrow at him. “Come on, get a move on! We don't have all day!”

Gwaine burst out into the garden one evening when Merlin was out alone with his guitar, scribbling down potential lyrics and chords that would probably never see the light of day.

“Merlin!” Gwaine had decided, at some point during the week, that Merlin and he were great friends, possibly because Merlin was one of the few people who would put up with him for any extended period of time. Merlin didn't mind that turn of events, because he did like Gwaine, and it wasn't exactly a hardship to spend time looking at him. He had swiftly discovered that Gwaine was loud, fun, and loyal to a fault.

“Merlin, look at this!” He held his phone out and waved it under Merlin's nose. Merlin carefully put his guitar down and took the phone from him.

“What am I looking at?”

“I got a twitter!”

Merlin raised an eyebrow at him. “Good for you?”

“We all did, me and Leon and Elyan and Percival. Arthur made us, something about viral marketing – but look!”

He took the phone back and pressed a few things on the screen, scrolled down a bit, and passed the phone back to Merlin.

“We have fangirls!”

Merlin looked at the screen.

 **@GWAINESGIRL7:** @GreenGwaineOffical OMG I LOVE YOU FOLLOW ME BACK?! <3<3

 **@KNIGHTTIMEPLZ:** Holy shit #KnightVision are so hot esp. @GreenGwaineOfficial

 **@PERFECTPERCY22:** You all better vote for #KnightVision this weekend!!! SO GOOD! @GreenGwaineOffical @PercivalAReal @LeonTheKnight @OfficialElyan !!!!

Merlin's eyes widened as he came across a particularly explicit one. “Wow,” he said, “I don't know if that's even physically possible.”

Gwaine grinned gleefully. “Someone drew art of us! It was really good!”

Merlin couldn't help but laugh at him. He scrolled back up and looked at the number at the top with surprise. “You just got thirty mentions in less than two minutes!”

Gwaine laughed. “What can I say?” he said, throwing himself onto the chair next to Merlin's. “The people love me.”

Merlin couldn't help but smile when faced with Gwaine's sunny disposition. “I'm sure.”

“You should totally get a twitter account too!”

Merlin laughed. “I don't think so.”

Gwaine poked him. “You are no fun, Merlin. No fun at all.”

“I'm fine without it, but I'll tell you what, Gwaine, how about you keep me updated on what's happening on twitter?”

Gwaine sighed and flopped back dramatically. “No fun at all!” The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact he hadn't stopped grinning.

“Don't you have something to be doing?”

“Nope!”

Merlin rolled his eyes and checked his watch before putting his guitar away. “Well, I'm very sorry to disappoint you, but I do.” He stood up.

“Ooh, where are you off to?”

“Cinema,” said Merlin, as Freya stuck her head around the door.

“Merlin, I was looking for you! Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.” Freya smiled at him and disappeared again. “Gwaine, stop that.”

“I didn't say a thing!” Gwaine smirked and waggled his eyebrows. “So, you and Freya are going to the cinema?”

“And Gwen and Lancelot. So stop that.”

“Why wasn't I invited?”

“You were. You said no!”

“Oh yeah, I forgot. Well, have fun, you two.”

“Four,” said Merlin. “Or did you forget that two was less than four again?”

“Oh, be quiet and run on, Merlin. It isn't nice to keep a lady waiting.”

“Christ,” muttered Merlin. “You're worse than my mother.”

He made a quick trip upstairs to deposit his guitar in his bedroom and grab a coat, and then met Lancelot, Gwen and Freya in the entry hall.

The film was a standard blockbuster, with lots of explosions and car chases and witty insults thrown around. A few people stopped them as they were leaving and asked for autographs and photographs, which was a bit bizarre, but mostly they were left alone, save for a few odd glances and excited whispers and one or two photographers that had popped out of nowhere when they went into a nearby KFC for dinner afterwards.

“It's really strange,” said Gwen in a low voice, leaning over the table. “Like, I didn't notice _not_ being noticed before, you know. But suddenly everybody is doing double takes and giving you second glances.”

“I know what you mean,” agreed Lancelot next to her. “It's an odd feeling.”

“It could be worse, I suppose,” Merlin pointed out, and told them about Gwaine's adventures into the land of twitter.

Eventually Lancelot realised that it was getting late, and they headed back to the house. It wasn't until even later that evening that Merlin realised that Lance and Gwen hadn't let go of each other's hands all night.

Arthur knew he was taking a risk in getting closer to Merlin. He still played up their rivalry on-stage, finding even the smallest fault in his performances. Off-stage was a different matter entirely. He still wasn't sure what had possessed him to give Merlin his mobile number, but the texts they exchanged were often (as sad as it sounded) the highlight of his day. They rarely had the opportunity to talk to each other in person, as Arthur didn't want to risk looking too friendly with him in public.

Merlin confronted him about it one day, though, after Arthur had invited him into his dressing room. It was probably incredibly inappropriate, but Merlin's face did strange things to Arthur's brain and made terrible ideas seem good somehow.

"Why do you always criticise me?" he asked frankly.

"I criticise everybody, Merlin. That's my job."

"No," said Merlin. "You're harder on me than on everybody else."

Arthur hadn't really known what to say to him – _my father thinks me tormenting you is good for the ratings_ didn't sound quite a good enough excuse, even if it was the truth. He was telling Merlin what he really thought about his performances, because he _did_ think Merlin was still holding something back, that his true self hadn't broken through yet. Yet Merlin's words were equally as true – Arthur was so much harder on him than on everybody else. There were a lot of truths all jumbled up in his head, and he didn't want to pick them all out and examine them in the light. It wasn't fair to Merlin, Arthur knew that, but he didn't want to admit it, so he steered the conversation away from the things he didn't want to admit. Merlin gave him a look like he knew what Arthur was doing, but he mercifully dropped the subject.

Merlin was surprised to find that he was getting into a routine. With two shows under his belt, his nerves weren't as bad on Saturday as they had been in the previous weeks, and he hoped that this show would go better for him than the last one had. This week they were all singing songs from the seventies.

“Uh,” said Merlin, as Gaius had handed him sheet music on Monday morning. ' _Heart of Glass_ – Blondie' was typed neatly at the top. “Are you sure about this?”

Gaius had raised his eyebrow at him. “No, Merlin, I have no idea what I'm doing. That's clearly why I'm still employed here after more than ten years.”

Merlin made a face. “I sense somehow you're being sarcastic.”

“There is apparently no end to your talents,” Gaius had replied dryly. “Now, Mary's waiting for you, and then you need to get to the wardrobe department for a fitting.”

He had chased Merlin off then, and started talking to Lance about his version of _Maggie May_.

Gaius was getting odder, Merlin remembered thinking as he was poked and prodded and occasionally stabbed with pins. But he had to know what he was doing, right? He felt much better when Mary reassured him that he definitely wouldn't have to hit Blondie's high notes.

“No, it's in a different key entirely,” she had said, “Now, let's go over the chorus one more time-”

Gaius had toyed with the idea of doing an acoustic arrangement and letting Merlin play his guitar again, but apparently he had decided that tonight he wanted Merlin doing something different once more. And Blondie certainly was different from everything he'd done before – it had a completely different beat, a different rhythm, and it didn't feel like him.

Merlin had tried not to be very, very jealous of the fact Mordred was getting to sing _American Pie_ (or, well, part of it, they didn't have _all_ night) and work harder. He gradually managed to get the notes in the chorus right and learnt the few dance steps Valiant was forcing on him, just in time for the Saturday show.

He received a message from Arthur a few minutes before eight. _Good Luck_ , it read. Merlin quickly texted back _Hope I won't need it_ before sliding the phone back into his pocket.

The movement caught Gwaine's eye, squeezed next to him on the sofa in the green room.

“Someone you need to tell us about, Merlin?” he teased. “A secret girlfriend, maybe?”

“Even if I did, it would still be none of your business.” Merlin raised an eyebrow at him. He had clearly been spending too much time with Gaius, but it apparently wasn't as menacing when Merlin did it.

“That's not a denial!” Gwaine's voice was sing-song. It attracted the attention of Mordred, across the room, whose eyes narrowed at Merlin, and Freya, who was on the other side of Merlin. She reached around and poked Gwaine.

“Stop being annoying.”

Gwaine widened his eyes meaningfully at Merlin, a smirk on his face. Merlin rolled his eyes.

“I'd hardly be texting Freya, she's right here. Seriously, you have such a one-track mind.”

Agravaine shushed them from the next sofa over. “Would you lot be quiet? It's about to start!”

Lancelot and Gwen were the first two acts on that night, and Merlin was sixth, so he had a while to wait yet. He shot Freya a quick smile in thanks, and then they all settled in to watch and wait.

It was a pretty good night. Lancelot thrived with a faster song for once, and Gwen's heartfelt rendition of _Jolene_ went down a storm. Regally Blonde weren't as bad as they had been the previous week, and Morgause was impressive dressed in black and blasting her way through _Barracuda_.

Eventually, it was time for Merlin to make his way down to the stage. He had his makeup fixed one last time, and headed out on stage when the lights were low with his own voice talking from above. Parts of the rehearsal process were being shown that night, for everybody. It had been awkward at first practising with cameras and microphones and many more people than usual recording his every move, but he had soon learnt to ignore them. They all had. He sang the best he could, enjoyed the audience cheer afterwards, and then waited for the judge's comments.

“Merlin,” said Arthur. “That was a perfectly passable cover – for anybody else. I don't think you've grown in this competition. You're holding something of yourself back. You need to _let it all go_. You need to grow as an artist, and not stay stagnant. You're falling behind, and I think you need to kick it up a notch, otherwise I think you'll be going home soon. I want to see _you_ , Merlin. I want you to wow me.”

The audience boo'd Arthur, but Merlin knew he must be well used to it by now.

“I love your singing, Merlin,” Morgana declared, “I don't know what's wrong with Arthur's ears.”

“I wasn't sure about the song choice,” Nimueh said. “It wouldn't be something I would have chosen for you. You did impress me, though. I think you did the best you could with what you had.”

Gaius seemed offended by Nimueh's words. “I think he did an excellent job of that song! I loved your performance this week, Merlin. I love the new arrangement, I think it really suited your voice.”

“Didn't you write it?” asked Arthur, faux-innocently, but his narrowed eyes gave his true purpose away.

“I didn't, actually,” Gaius replied haughtily.

“My point still stands, Merlin,” Arthur looked up at Merlin with bright eyes. “I want to see _you._ ”

The next night, Merlin's name was the fourth called out. It was Regally Blonde and Agravaine that ended up in the bottom two. Arthur stuck by his group, but he was the only one to vote to send Agravaine home, and so Elena and Vivian's journey ended.


	7. Week Four: Halloween

On Monday, Merlin left for the studio before anyone else. He headed straight to Gaius' dressing room and knocked.

“Merlin? I wasn't expecting you so early.”

“I know, Gaius, I hope I didn't disturb you?”

“No, no, my dear boy. The earlier the better, really. May as well start getting you sorted now. You know it's Halloween week this week, yes? I've got a-”

Merlin interrupted him. “I have an idea for me this week, Gaius.”

Gaius took a step back and looked at him. He smiled.

“Well, let's hear it, then.”

The week started out badly for Arthur. He was called into Uther's office early on Monday morning, and was greeted by the sight of his father leaning over a copy of  _ The Sun _ , glaring at it with such force that Arthur was half-surprised it didn't spontaneously burst into flames.

“What's wrong?” He sat down heavily opposite Uther, who passed him the paper. Arthur glanced at the date first – it was today's, and Arthur was startled to realise that it was nearly the end of October already, before turning his attention to the headline.

_ FIX-FACTOR? _ It screamed. Below it were large pictures of Agravaine, of Uther, and of Arthur. Arthur furrowed his brow, and read on. 

_ TV mainstay in fixing row shocker! Did finalist Agravaine Black earn his place in the famous talent contest legitimately, or were there other forces at play?  _ The Sun _ can exclusively reveal that Black isn't who he appears to be – he's a secret Pendragon! An analysis of his family tree shows some very familiar names, including mogul Uther Pendragon and his son Arthur, a judge on the show. It's not known how much the relationship has affected the fortunes of the X-Factor hopeful, but how many more skeletons are in the Pendragon family closet, and how will this affect the currently top-rated show?! _

“Did you know about this?” 

“No,” said Arthur, confused. “Did you?”

“No,” said Uther. He sighed. “I had it looked into this morning when the news broke. He's related to your mother.”

Arthur's eyes widened at the mention of his mother. Uther never talked about Ygraine if he could help it. She had died when Arthur had been a baby. He had no memories of her and there were few pictures, most of which were locked away and tightly guarded by Uther. Most of the time it was as though she had never existed. It was, after all, difficult to miss what you never had. Arthur had never paid much thought to her family – no cards had ever come in the post, no telephone calls, no letters – he had had no contact with any of them. It was as though she had grown up a ghost, and only ever manifested herself in the memories of Uther and the appearance of Arthur.

“I'd never heard of him before this year,” Arthur said slowly.

Uther nodded, but didn't say anything. Arthur looked back down at the paper to see who had written the story.

“George Aredian,” he read aloud. “Is he not-”

“The Witchfinder,” interrupted Uther. “Yes.”

Arthur scowled. The Witchfinder had a reputation for digging where he shouldn't and uncovering things best left alone. “What do we do now?”

“You keep doing what you're supposed to. I'll deal with this. I just wanted to prepare you. Undoubtedly you'll face questions on it at some point.” Uther looked down at the paper speculatively now. “And publicity is publicity. Perhaps we can use it to our advantage somehow.” He looked up again. “Tell me, what plans have you for this weekend? Have you songs chosen?”

The muscles in Arthur's cheeks twitched slightly in frustration, but he let it go.

“I have several ideas...”

Arthur did indeed face several rounds of questions from different sources throughout the week. He refused to answer any of them, knowing that  _ no comment _ and  _ personal family matter  _ could be stretched into dozens of articles and hundreds of blog posts and thousands of tweets. There was no need to give them any more information. He focused instead on his remaining acts, and, increasingly, on Merlin. Sending frequent text messages had worked their way into his daily routine, and Merlin's appearances in his dressing room grew more frequent – though only in the early morning and late afternoon, when the building was at its emptiest. 

It was on Thursday that they spoke about what Arthur had said the previous weekend. It had been a long day – Tristan and Isolde couldn't manage to master either the singing or the dancing parts of the  _ Time Warp _ , and they desperately needed to do both. Gwaine had tweeted something that he shouldn't have in reply to somebody insulting Leon's singing, and Arthur had had to have a stern talk to all of them about what was and what was not appropriate for twitter, especially when they were trying to get votes. Eventually, both of his bands had gone home and taken all of Arthur's tension and energy with them, and it was just Arthur and Merlin left. Arthur sat at his desk. He should be doing something – checking his emails, or going over his notes on Free Trade's and KnightVision's performances, or even working on his own stuff – but the thought of it all exhausted him even more and instead he lay stretched out in his chair and stared at the ceiling instead of Merlin.

“I've been thinking,” Merlin didn't look at Arthur, instead picked at little bobbles of fluff on his sofa. 

“There's a first time for everything.” Arthur answered on autopilot. Merlin responded with the incredibly mature reply of sticking out his tongue. 

“About what you said. On Saturday.”

Arthur cast his mind back.  _ You're holding something back. You're falling behind. You need to kick it up a notch. You're going home soon _ . He had been harsh, particularly with the last part. 

"I'm sorry," said Arthur.

Merlin shrugged. "You were honest."

"I was mean."

Merlin gave him half a smile. "Fine. You were both."

Arthur chuffed a laugh.

“I like that you're honest, though,” said Merlin. “I know you're telling me the truth. Even if you're about as subtle as a brick about it.” Arthur glanced over at Merlin, who was looking back at him through his eyelashes, his eyes lowered. 

“I'm nervous about this week,” said Merlin. “It's different this time.”

Arthur tried to think back again, but he hadn't seen any of Merlin's practices or rehearsals this week. They kept missing each other during the day, only spending time together in the half-light of dawn and dusk.

“What's different about it?” Arthur watched Merlin's hands touch the sofa in little, fiddling movements. 

“It was me that came up with the song and everything this week,” said Merlin. “Not Gaius. And, I don't know-” he took a deep breath. “It just means a lot to me that you'll tell me the truth. I mean, it's not that I don't believe what Morgana and Nimueh say-” he scrubbed his hand through his hair. “It means more coming from you. So, thanks. For being honest.”

Arthur blinked. “You're welcome.”

Merlin gave him a small but genuine smile, and his eyes were like stars.

Merlin couldn't figure Arthur out. His frequent text messages and occasional conversations seemed to be with an entirely different person than the bad guy on stage who would always point out even the most minuscule flaws in Merlin's performance.

It confused him, until one day when they were both alone in Arthur's dressing room and Arthur was on the phone to his father. Arthur's face fell from its expression of glee – the result of Merlin's teasing – when he realised who was ringing him. Merlin couldn't hear Uther's side of the conversation, but he could judge Arthur's reaction to the words. He watched Arthur's face twist in annoyance, then settle into resignation. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if to try and massage away an incoming headache. Merlin felt suddenly sorry for him - having no father at all seemed easier than having to deal with Uther as both a parent and a boss, always looking over your shoulder and finding everything you did not up to standard. Merlin understood then that Arthur had to play up their now-pretend rivalry, to play the bad guy that Uther had insisted on casting him as to satisfy his endless craving for dramatic reality television. Arthur was playing a part, more than anything else, and while that didn't mean that the things he said weren't true (because they were), it did mean that he had to do what was expected of him, and that was to play the person that everybody loved to hate.

Maybe that realisation was what caused him to say what he did; an awkward thank you if there ever was one.

On Saturday evening, Merlin dressed slowly. Last week everything and everyone had gone retro, but Merlin had never been too far removed from his normal clothes – jeans and t-shirts and loose scarves.

This week, as he had told Arthur, was different.

Merlin was performing last this week. He dawdled in wardrobe, and then went to get his make-up touched up again. It was different this week too. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and was shocked at the transformation. He looked like himself, but not, somehow. Like somebody had opened him up like a television and adjusted the picture, changing his colours and contrast and making everything bolder.

By the time he made it to the green room, only Freya and Mordred were there – they had been the first to perform that night. Merlin had watched them from one of the small televisions scattered about everywhere. Freya had been alright, her cloud of dark hair and floor-length white gown giving her a Kate Bush-esque vibe while she warbled her way through  _ Stay _ by Hurts, but Mordred had tackled The Police's  _ Every Breath You Take  _ and it had been so gloriously creepy and atmospheric that it had brought the house down afterwards. They sat next to each other on one of the sofas, watching KnightVision sing Blue Oyster Cult's ( _ Don't Fear) The Reaper. _ They were so enthralled that neither noticed Merlin until he spoke.

“How did Lance and Morgause and Free Trade get on? I missed them.” 

“Oh my goodness, Merlin!” Freya's jaw dropped. “You look...” She didn't complete the sentence or answer his question, apparently lost for words. Mordred looked Merlin up and down in shock. He didn't say anything for a few moments. 

  
“Wow.”

“Yes!” Freya nodded her head enthusiastically. “That is the word I was looking for. Wow.”

Merlin smiled. That was what he had been hoping for.

The show seemed to go on forever to Arthur. KnightVision finished their song (they were excellent, just the right balance of creepy and enjoyable, and their vocals were all perfectly in tune), and Agravaine's video started playing. There was no mention of the recent headlines in the clip. It wasn't completely out of character for Uther to ignore any news he didn't like completely, but Arthur had expected to see at least a mention of it, though he couldn't help but feel grateful for the fact.

Nimueh had given her last act  _ The Devil Went Down to Georgia _ this week. Arthur couldn't really disagree with her choice too much – it suited the theme of the week down to the ground, and it was an excellent fit for Agravaine's voice, but Arthur wasn't sure it was working for him. Possibly it would have been improved if Agravaine could actually play the fiddle. He finally finished, and then it was time for the comments. 

Arthur went first. “The problem with this,” he said, “was that, despite there not really being anything technically wrong with your performance, is that I don't think it really works. I don't think you have a connection with the song, and you need that, every song you sing  _ needs _ a connection. And if you don't have it, there's something lacking. It doesn't feel complete. It ends up feeling a bit like karaoke.”

His words didn't get as bad a reaction from the audience as he expected they would. Clearly the gossip of the past week had turned public opinion against Agravaine somewhat. Nimueh was an entirely different story. She very vocally disagreed with Arthur and defended Agravaine's performance. Morgana and Gaius settled somewhere in the middle – not as harsh as Arthur, but neither as effusive as Nimueh.

After Agravaine left the stage, there was an ad break, and then two more acts. Gwen, then Merlin. Gwen was, as usual, fantastic – Morgana had assigned her  _ Tainted Love _ , but had given it a rockabilly-style arrangement, which was unexpected but far from unpleasant. Gwen was the best of all the girls and Morgana was determined to show just how adaptable she was. 

And then, finally, it was time for Merlin. The lights went down on stage for the last video introduction of the night, and Arthur thrummed with nervous energy. He could see the movement on the stage of people in black, moving things around, setting up instruments. The video finished, and the music started. Arthur hadn't heard Merlin practising this week, he hadn't even found out what he would be singing, so the distorted riff of guitars and drums took him by surprise. The lights came up, and Merlin was in the middle of the stage. Arthur felt his jaw drop.

He had seen Merlin in different places and states and looks, but never before like this. He was wearing a tight, sleeveless black t-shirt, battered and worn, with  _ The Ramones _ scrawled across the front. Instead of being shrouded with denim, his legs were hugged by black leather. He looked no longer gangly, but willowy. His hair was wild, his lips were bitten-red, and his  _ eyes _ – his eyes were lined with kohl. He stood confidently, hip cocked out, leaning close to the microphone stand. He was the sexiest thing Arthur had ever seen, and when he started to sing, his voice took on a new, ragged, unfamiliar tone. 

_Hey hey, my my._  
 _Rock'n'roll can never die_  
 _There's more to the picture_  
 _Than meets the eye._  
 _Hey Hey, my my._  


Holy shit, thought Arthur.  _ Holy Shit. _ Merlin had said this week would be different. Arthur hadn't quite realised  _ how _ different. He hadn't expected this – he hadn't expected Merlin to go so dark, so openly sexy. He felt his heart thump in his chest hard and fast, like he was running a race and the finishing line was stretched in front of him, so near but forever unreachable. 

Merlin's entire body moved in time to the beat, and he looked up and over at Arthur, caught his eye. He took in Arthur's expression, the look in his eyes that he couldn't hide, and a smirk curled the corner of his lips. Arthur felt himself get slightly light-headed as most of his blood headed south very quickly. He took a sip from the glass of water in front of him to cool himself down. It didn't help at all.

_Out of the blue, and into the black_  
 _You pay for this, but they give you that_  
 _and once you're gone, you can't come back_  
 _When you're out of the blue, and into the black._  


_The King is gone, but he's not forgotten_  
 _Is this the story of Johnny Rotten?_  
 _It's better to burn out because rust never sleeps._  
 _The King is gone but he's not forgotten._  


He twisted around and took a few steps towards the back of the stage. There was an electric guitar behind him, black and red, hidden from view until Merlin lifted it and pulled the strap over his head before returning to the microphone. He played it, his fingers jerking over the strings faster than Arthur's eyes could follow. His shoulders rose and fell, his hips moved from side to side. He was never still. He looked untamed. 

_Hey hey, my my._  
 _Rock and roll can never die._  
 _There's more to the picture,_  
 _than meets the eye-_  


There was another guitar solo in the song, Arthur remembered faintly. Merlin leant back, his body a long, graceful line, his hands always moving on the instrument. Arthur could have watched his hands forever.

The song finally ended. Arthur watched Merlin straighten up, turn the guitar so it was out of his way, and take in the reaction from the audience.

There had been a beat of silence, and then the audience had exploded onto their feet and into applause and screams and wolf-whistles. Arthur and the judges stood too, clapping. Arthur was very grateful that the table in front of him was high enough to cover the rather obvious tightness in his trousers. A blush rose high on Merlin's cheekbones as he took in the reaction.

It took what seemed like forever for the noise to settle down enough for the judges to be heard speaking. Morgana started things off.

“That was spectacular!” She sounded utterly delighted. “I didn't know you had that in you! Well done.”

Nimueh shared her enthusiasm. “My god, Merlin. That was the performance of the night for me. You nailed it, you absolutely nailed it.”

Gaius beamed at him. “I knew when I took you through that you were something special, Merlin, and while I don't think that you needed to prove yourself, I don't think there is a single person watching tonight who can claim that you're holding something back anymore.”

Arthur ignored the thinly-veiled jab. He had to clear his throat before he tried to speak.

“Merlin,” he paused, and silence fell. He could feel the weight of the quiet, of all the people waiting to hear his next words. “I did not expect that.” He paused again, took a deep breath. “I didn't like it.” Gasps echoed throughout the room, and Merlin's eyes widened in alarm. Arthur grinned up at him. “I loved it. I loved your style, I loved your vocals, and for the first time,” he held his hands up in surrender, “I really loved the guitar. Wow. Just wow. That was an astonishing performance.”

Merlin ducked his head in embarrassment.

Arthur found himself shifting in his seat uncomfortably for the rest of the evening. Kilgarragh ended the show by reminding everyone to watch again the next evening for the results and a special performance from Miley Cyrus, and Aithusa bounced on to host the Xtra Factor. It was another hour after that when Arthur finally managed to leave. He spent most of the extra time behind the table flexing the muscles in his legs and thinking about very ugly things, and definitely not Merlin. It was still a relief when he was free to go. He ran into nobody in the corridors of the building, and made his way down to the private underground car park alone.

He drove slowly back to his flat in Chelsea, still trying not to think about Merlin's eyes ringed with eyeliner, or the way his shirt had clung to the muscles on his chest, or the way his legs had looked wrapped in leather, or the way his fingers had plucked the guitar strings, or the way his voice had sounded. He wasn't successful. By the time he unlocked his front door, it was nearly midnight, but he was too wound up to sleep. He considered a cold shower, then decided  _ fuck it.  _ He laid down on his bed, took himself in hand and got off embarrassingly fast to the visual of Merlin in black, but with his hand around Arthur instead of a microphone. 

His last thought before he drifted off to sleep not long later was  _ this is going to be a problem. _

The reaction to Merlin's performance had gone better than he could have ever dreamed. He walked into the green room after he was finished to find the rest of the contestants staring at him in shock. Freya got to him first.

“Oh, Merlin, that was something else!” 

Aithusa interviewed them after a little while about their thoughts on their performances and on the judges' comments, and then they were free to go back to the house. It took a lot more effort than he thought (and some help from Freya and Gwen) to remove his makeup, and then he retired to his room, ready to collapse into bed.

Mordred was already in the room, sitting on his bed. He looked up as Merlin came in. Merlin gave him a half-smile, and started getting ready for bed. They had changed back to their normal clothes after the show so as to have the clothes ready again for tomorrow, so he was back to his regular jeans and a hoodie. He was about to get into bed when Mordred spoke.

“You were really good tonight.” His voice was hushed. Merlin turned to him, mildly bewildered.

“Thanks. You were great too, you know. Very appropriately creepy.”

“It's a creepy song,” Mordred agreed. “But you- you were just amazing.” He looked away awkwardly. “You looked great too. That look... it really suited you.”

Merlin's brow furrowed. “Thanks.” He didn't know what else to say, so he shot Mordred a small smile and went to bed. He fell asleep, Mordred still sitting on his bed.

The next morning they were all in early again for rehearsals of the group performance ( _ Grace Kelly _ by Mika). He and Arthur normally exchanged a few texts throughout the day, but today his phone was silent apart from a  _ Good luck tonight, love you _ from his Mum. The break in contact unnerved Merlin slightly, but he told himself he was being stupid. He tried not to think about what the fact he was so used to Arthur's messages now that he missed them after less than a day without them might mean, and threw himself back into practising.

Seven o'clock snuck up on him, and he had to rush into his clothes and makeup once more, before heading backstage with all the other acts.

The group performances were all getting easier with time, and this was no exception. He stood beside Freya and sang his lines as he was supposed to and managed his dance steps fine. He looked over at Arthur during the song, and was surprised to find Arthur looking back at him, his keen eyes following Merlin's performance and missing nothing. Instead of making his nerves worse as it would have only a few weeks ago, Merlin found the attention exciting, and it felt like it powered him somehow, made his voice louder and stronger and more confident.

They all trooped offstage again and back into the green room to watch the rest of the show, the recaps and Miley dancing with a giant teddy bear wearing nothing but her underwear and endless pleas to vote before the lines closed. Eventually, close they did and the acts made their way backstage again.

One by one, their names were called out. Merlin's name came third, after KnightVision and Morgause, and after Gaius hugged him, he made his way to the green room once again to watch the rest.

After Merlin was Gwen, then Lancelot, then Mordred. Only Freya, Free Trade and Agravaine were left. Merlin saw Morgana's hand clutch Freya's so hard her knuckles turned white, and he crossed his fingers as Kilgarragh prepared to call out the last name.

“The final act guaranteed a place in next week's show is...” he surveyed the three acts, eyes narrowed, “... Free Trade!”

“No,” he whispered, as he saw Freya's face fall. 

There was a hush in the green room as Tristan and Isolde came back, holding hands tightly. There was an ad break that seemed to last hours, and then finally Kilgarragh reappeared on the screen, looking grim.

Nimueh introduced her act first. Agravaine sang a passionate version of Phil Collins'  _ In the Air Tonight _ , which even Merlin had to admit was pretty good, and then it was Freya's turn. She had chosen  _ Moonshadow _ by Cat Stevens, and her voice wavered a bit in parts, but it was high and light and gentle and very  _ her _ , and Merlin loved her voice. 

All too soon, it was over, and she and Agravaine stood either side of Kilgarragh facing the judges.

Kilgarragh came to Nimueh first, and she backed her own act. Morgana did the same with Freya. Kilgarragh turned to Gaius.

“Gaius? I need an answer from you.” 

Gaius looked between Freya and Agravaine, taking in Freya's red eyes and Agravaine's clenched jaw. He sighed.

“I think both of you made mistakes, both last night and tonight,” he said bluntly. “But you are also both very talented.” He was quiet again for a long moment. It was only when Kilgarragh asked him again that he finally made his decision. “I'm sending home Freya.”

_ No, _ thought Merlin.  _ No no no. _ His attention turned to Arthur.  _ Send it to deadlock, please, Arthur. _ There was no way Freya would go home if it went to deadlock – Agravaine had to have the lowest number of votes after all the scandal and gossip of the week. If Arthur put it to deadlock, she'd be here for another week. 

“Arthur?” said Kilgarragh. Merlin leaned forward in his seat. He nearly brought his hand up to his mouth to bite his nails again, but Gwen next to him grabbed him and held his hand tight. On her other side, she was clutching Lancelot just as hard. 

Onscreen, Arthur visibly wavered. “This is a difficult decision,” he said. “Gaius was right in that you both had your low points, but you've had high points as well, and I wish I could send neither of you home.” He paused, swallowed. “But I can't do that. So, I'm sending home Freya.”

“No,” whispered Merlin brokenly. _Not Freya._ Gwen sniffed and let go of Merlin's hand to wipe her eyes. He watched Freya give Agravaine a sad smile and a hug, and then the same to Morgana. He watched her highlights reel – her audition and bootcamp and judge's house performances, then the four songs from the live shows. She had been so talented, and so nice to him. She had understood him like few other people had, and now she was going home. 

The show ended, and Aithusa made her way onto the stage, chirping happily about how it had been an exciting weekend. She talked to Freya and the judges, and Merlin watched until Freya slipped off the stage. He thought about running and trying to catch her, talk to her, but he didn't know what he would say. He headed instead to his dressing room with Mordred and Lancelot, who noticed his mood and didn't try to talk to him. Merlin was thankful for it.

Mordred and Lance changed quickly, but Merlin sat down at the desk instead.

“Do you want us to wait for you?” Lance asked a few minutes later, holding the door. 

Merlin shook his head, wanting to be alone for a little while. “No, I'll catch up to you later.”

“Are you sure?” Lance looked at him worriedly. “It's no trouble.”

He shot Lance half a smile to reassure him. “Nah, it's alright. You go on.”

Once Lance shut the door, Merlin got up. His sadness at Freya's departure morphed into something resembling anger and had energised him. He walked across the room and looked in the mirror. He looked the same as he had last night - there were kohl rings around his eyes and his hair looked windswept. He ran his hands through it, but it made no difference.

Only a few minutes after Lancelot and Mordred had left the door opened again and Arthur slipped in. He must have watched and waited until the coast was clear, Merlin thought.

"Merlin-" Arthur reached out to try and touch Merlin's arm, but Merlin jerked his body away out of Arthur's reach.

"Don't touch me," he said miserably. He sat down on a nearby sofa.

Arthur sighed heavily and sat down as well, not too close. "I know you're mad, but-"

"You said the wrong thing, Arthur," Merlin whispered. "You shouldn't have sent Freya home."

"You're thinking with your heart, not your head." Arthur's voice was firm. "Freya messed up a few times in the sing-off. Agravaine's performance was better than hers."

"So she had a bad week. She's better than Agravaine, you know she is."

"That doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters!" Merlin didn't quite shout it, still aware of where they were, that even though the room was empty apart from them there still could be ears anywhere. "Freya didn't deserve to go home yet. You just-" He cut himself off before he could say _wanted to cause drama_. Arthur looked like he knew he what the silence meant anyway.

"I know you don't want to hear this, " said Arthur, "But just because Agravaine is unpopular and Freya's your friend doesn't mean she's better than him. Agravaine has talent, and he doesn't deserve to go home yet either. That doesn't mean he's going to win, because he won't. But neither was Freya. Besides," he added, "going out in a controversial decision will benefit her more than anyone else. She'll have a record deal in weeks. Less, probably. People will remember her, and they'll remember liking her. She's going to do alright out of this."

He hesitated, waiting for Merlin to say something, but Merlin remained silent. He sighed again.

"Only one of you can win this," said Arthur. "And it was never going to be Freya or Agravaine."

Merlin didn't know what to say to that. If he were being honest, he knew that himself deep down, but he didn't want to admit it. It was much easier thinking of things like winning or going out in simple odds and probabilities - at the start the odds of winning was one in thousands, then one in hundreds, then one in twenty four, and then twelve, and now each of them had a one in eight chance of being the X-Factor champion. Merlin didn't want to admit to himself it wasn't that simple. It wasn't like winning the lottery. It wasn't even about how hard you worked, really, because Freya had worked hard, harder than Agravaine. Some people weren't as capable or as talented or as popular with the public as other people, and that was a bitter pill to swallow. Only one of them could win. And what Freya's exit had shown to him was that nobody was really safe, not the people he liked the best, or was friendliest with, because he didn't get a say in it at all. Merlin was afraid that if Freya wasn't good enough, if she was never going to win, then maybe neither was he. Maybe no matter how hard he worked and practised, he wasn't good enough either.

"It was never going to be them," Arthur's head was down and his voice was so low Merlin could only just make out the words, "but it might be you, Merlin. It could be. You were so brilliant last night, and no matter how much anybody says that to you, you never seem to believe it. I know I'm hard on you, but that's because I have to be. You  _ are  _ talented. I wish I could show you how good you are. I wish I could show you yourself how I saw you, what you looked like when you were up on that stage. You were amazing, I couldn't look away." He moved closer to Merlin, and Merlin felt Arthur reach out and gently touch his face. He turned his face to Arthur's, but he couldn't look him in the eye.

"You were magic, Merlin."

Merlin looked up into Arthur's eyes, Arthur's hand still cradling his face. Then Arthur's head moved down and Merlin's face rose to meet it and they were kissing. It was nothing like kissing Mordred or anybody else had been, it was all at once more passionate and magical and full of emotion Merlin didn't realise he was capable of. He lifted his hands until one was on Arthur's back, the other tangled in his hair, and Arthur’s other hand rose until it was positioned on the back of Merlin's neck, and Merlin couldn't have moved away even if he had wanted to. Merlin opened his mouth to take a breath and suddenly Arthur's tongue was there, pushing its way in. It was wonderful and amazing and Merlin wanted it to never end, for the moment to stretch on forever until the end of time, until all there was in the universe was him and Arthur.

Eventually, Arthur pulled back, face flushed and breathing heavily.

“We shouldn't-”

“Fuck shouldn't,” Merlin said harshly, and then he kissed Arthur again, reaching up and pulling his face back down. Arthur made a noise of agreement, and his hands recovered their positions. 

Arthur leaned forwards, pushing Merlin down on the sofa and Merlin went, moved with him so that they were pressed together. He didn't realise the extent of his arousal until Arthur's groin brushed against his and he couldn't help but moan helplessly into Arthur's mouth. Arthur moved again and then it was his turn to groan.

“Oh, god, Merlin-” he gasped out. 

Merlin echoed him with “Fuck- yes, there-”

All of a sudden Arthur was pulling away from him, and Merlin whined at the loss.

“We can't- not here,” he said. “Anyone could come in.”

Merlin cast a glance at the door and groaned again, this time in frustration. Arthur touched his face again. When Merlin looked back at him, his eyes were dark and hopeful.

“Come home with me?”

Merlin enthusiastically nodded his agreement. “Fuck, yes, come on-”.

He surged up for one last kiss. Arthur indulged him, then reluctantly pulled away. He got up off Merlin, off the sofa. He caught Merlin's hand before they opened the door and pulled him close.

“Are you sure?” Arthur's mouth was so close to Merlin's ear he could feel his breath. Merlin sought out Arthur's eyes with his.

“Yeah,” he said. “Come on.”

The drive home was was both better and worse than that of previous night. Better because the object of his fantasies was now in the car with him, looking at Arthur as though he were a starving man and Arthur a three-course meal, and worse because Merlin was  _ right there  _ and Arthur couldn't touch him when he was driving. 

Arthur pulled into his parking space in the private garage beneath his building, and as soon as he had pulled the key out of the ignition Merlin was on him again, hands either side of Arthur's head and kissing him fiercely.

“Sorry,” he said after a few moments, “but I wanted to feel you. Was driving me mad-”

It took them several minutes to manoeuvre their way out of the car and up to Arthur's flat. Arthur didn't want to let go of him for a second. Merlin's skin was a drug, and once Arthur had his first taste he was addicted. As soon as Arthur's door was closed and locked, he pressed Merlin into the back of it. He licked a stripe up Merlin's neck to his ear, and felt Merlin's arms grab onto his hair again, pulling him as close as he could.

Arthur slotted one of his legs between Merlin's, felt his hardness and the moan he made low in his throat. The movement brought them that much closer together, but Arthur wanted closer still. He wanted-

He slid his hands down Merlin's sides, feeling the hard muscles until he reached the end of his shirt. It was the same tight black thing he'd worn the night before, and the memory of the previous night made Arthur groan.

“Off,” he said, and he pulled back slightly so he could move his hands under Merlin's shirt and slide it up, up, until it was over Merlin's face and then off, tossed somewhere behind him. Merlin's mouth found his again, and then he felt the pressure of Merlin's hands on his chest, undoing the buttons on his shirt. 

“You too,” said Merlin against Arthur's lips. “Off!” He pulled Arthur's shirt away. Arthur was sure that there would be buttons missing in the morning, but he really couldn't bring himself to care. He had other shirts. 

The first feel of Merlin's bare chest against his was electric. Merlin whimpered beneath Arthur's lips and hands at the sensation.

“Bed?” he asked.

“Bed,” Arthur agreed, and moved back. He was hard as a rock, but the sight of Merlin made him harder still. Merlin looked ravaged already, his face pink and his lips red and his hair mad. Arthur had to stop himself going back for another kiss, another touch, because he knew that if he did he wouldn't be able to stop, and it could be so much better than that. It would be so much better than that. Arthur took his hand and led him to his bedroom. Merlin didn't pay any attention to any of the contents of Arthur's flat (save, of course, the owner) until they reached the bed. With surprising strength, he pushed Arthur down onto his back and climbed on top of him. His mouth found Arthur's again as Arthur pulled them up the bed. Once they reached the top, Arthur reacquainted his hands with the skin on Merlin's stomach and sides, slipping down and down past the waistband on his leather trousers to cup his erection. 

“Oh, yes, there, Arthur-” Merlin's arm flailed out and knocked over a lamp on Arthur's beside table. He sat up quickly and peered over the edge of the bed. “Shit! Sorry!”

“ _Idiot.”_ Arthur propped himself up on his elbows and rolled his eyes to the ceiling and back down to see Merlin glaring at him.

"Are you an asshole to all the people you try to sleep with?" asked Merlin. "Because I can't imagine it has that great a success rate."

"It's working with you."

Merlin considered that. "Touché." And then he was back on top of Arthur again. Arthur reached down once more to undo the top button on Merlin's trousers, pull down the zip and begin to push them off.

“Wait, wait-” said Merlin and Arthur let go, confused. Merlin rolled off Arthur and kicked off his shoes and socks. Arthur did the same. “Watch who you call an idiot, you prat, this might help with the undressing.” He slid down his trousers and underwear in one smooth move and then he was suddenly, gloriously naked. Arthur didn't have time to bask in the sight, as Merlin moved to his trousers, tugging off the belt and undoing his fly. His movements were eager, frantic. Once Arthur had his trousers off as well, he wrapped his arms around Merlin and spun them so that he was on top. He looked Merlin in the eye. There was a voice in his head that sounded remarkably like his father, and it was saying _this is not appropriate he is a_ _ **contestant**_ _this is in no way appropriate this is an incredibly bad idea_ , but Merlin was panting below him and his cheeks were flushed and he was wearing _eyeliner_ , and Arthur shut down all the disapproving commentaries in his head.

“What do you want?” He pressed himself down over Merlin, felt their cocks brush against each other for the first time. It was electric, it felt so good-

“I want- _fuck_ \- I want you to fuck me!” Merlin's entire body pushed back up into Arthur, long and lithe and damp from sweat and want. 

“Christ, yes, hold on-” He had condoms somewhere. He was certain they were somewhere. He dug through the mess in the top drawer of his bedside table; eventually pulled out a handful of condoms and a bottle of lube. He looked back at Merlin, who was stretched out over his bed like he owned it, watching Arthur with hot, bright eyes. He had to ask.

“Merlin, Merlin... are you sure?”

Merlin pushed Arthur up and back slightly and glared at him. “The fuck do you want, a written invitation? Dear Arthur Pendragon, I hereby invite you to have sex with me. Please RSVP at your earliest- mmph!”

Arthur swiftly cut him off with another kiss, and flicked open the lube. Merlin grabbed one of the condoms from Arthur, tore it open with his teeth, and slowly rolled it down Arthur's prick.

“Fuck, Merlin yes-” He tried to keep his hips still, to not fuck into Merlin's fist. Merlin moved his hands, linking his fingers together behind Arthur's neck. His body arched up as Arthur slid one lube-wet finger into him and curled it upwards, searching.

“Oh God, there, fuck, please, Arthur- _thererightthere_ -” Merlin's face was right in front of his, his eyes closed, and Arthur could watch every expression flit across it, could watch his mouth open in babbled words and groans. He wanted to stretch Merlin open slowly, but Merlin begged him, pleaded with him to hurry, and when he finally pushed in Merlin stretched his head back in pain/pleasure, leaving the long line of his neck free to be attacked by Arthur's mouth while he waited for Merlin to adjust. 

“ _Move_ ,” said Merlin. Arthur gladly did so, delighting in the happy, broken sounds he could coax out of Merlin. He moved one of his hands from Arthur's neck to reach for his own cock, but Arthur grabbed it his hand before he could. 

“No _,_ ” he growled. “Not yet.” Merlin whimpered and undulated beneath Arthur, searching for the slightest bit of friction. His legs came up and wrapped around Arthur's back, pulling him tight. Arthur sped up his thrusts, losing control. He took Merlin's cock in his own hand, pumping it mercilessly. 

“Fuck, Arthur, _ohgodyes-_ ” Merlin clenched around him, so tight as his orgasm hit, and Arthur looked at his face, at his ringed eyes and perfect lips and sharp cheekbones painted in ecstasy, and he couldn't help himself. He came so hard he nearly blacked out. He managed to catch himself just in time not to collapse on top of Merlin, who was boneless and petting the soft skin on Arthur's back and looking at him like he'd just hung the moon.

He rolled off Merlin to lie beside him and catch his breath, before sliding the condom off, tying the top, and chucking it in the direction of the bin. The reality of what they'd just done started settling into Arthur as his brain cells started working again.

“Fuck,” he said.

“Hm?”

He said it again. “Fuck.”

Merlin rolled over onto his side so he was facing Arthur. Arthur felt a sudden strike of guilt like a punch to the gut. He'd taken advantage of his position, he'd taken advantage of  _ Merlin _ -

Merlin made an unimpressed noise. “Would you stop thinking so hard? You'll hurt yourself.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him and poked him in the ribs in retaliation. Merlin shoved him back playfully, then rose up, leaning on an elbow.

“What's wrong?”

Arthur sighed. “We shouldn't have-”

Merlin interrupted him. “Were you not listening to me earlier? I believe my exact words were ' _ Fuck shouldn't _ '.” He moved over, so he was resting his head on Arthur's chest, looking into Arthur's eyes. “If you regret this, fine – we'll not speak about it again. But I don't. Regret it, I mean.”

Arthur stared into Merlin's eyes, took in the earnest look in them. They were still lined with kohl, now slightly smudged, and Arthur found himself speaking before he could really think about it.

“I don't regret it at all.”

Merlin smirked and moved up Arthur's body until his head hovered just above Arthur's. He kissed Arthur again, bit at his lip, and it felt like heaven and hell all rolled into one. He pulled away and Arthur found himself chasing the taste and scent of his lips.

“Good,” said Merlin into Arthur's ear, in a voice that was low and dark and promised trouble. “Because I'm definitely up for round two.”

Just as he was falling asleep later that night, his arm wrapped snugly around Merlin's shoulders, Arthur heard Merlin hum a familiar tune.

_My my, hey hey._  
 _Rock and roll is here to stay_  
 _It's better to burn out, than to fade away_  
 _My my, hey hey._  


 


	8. Week Five: US vs. Ireland

For the second time in as many months, Merlin woke up in a bed that wasn't his own. He experienced the same jolt of disorientation for a second or two, but that was all the two incidents had in common. This time, he remembered immediately the events of the night before. He suspected that they would be imprinted on his memory for a long time to come. Arthur was asleep next to him. His arm was around Merlin's shoulders, holding him tight to his chest. There were definitely worse places to wake up.

No light peeked through the gaps in Arthur's curtains. Merlin looked around until he spied the glowing numbers of the alarm clock by Arthur's bed. Five AM. Shit.

Pulling himself out of Arthur's arms was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. He wanted to get dressed quietly, but he stumbled over the lamp he'd knocked over the night before and the subsequent  _ thud _ and cursing had woken Arthur. 

Half an hour later, he was sneaking back into the X-Factor house as quietly as he could, dressed in the same clothes as last night plus a warm hoodie borrowed from Arthur, with the feel of Arthur's mouth as he murmured “I'll see you later, yeah?” still on his lips.

He closed the door as gently as he could. He was wondering if he could manage to get into his room without waking anybody up when the light turned on, blinding him suddenly. His eyes adjusted, and he saw Gwaine leaning next to the light switch, dressed only in a pair of pyjama bottoms and grinning like the cat that had gotten the canary.

“Well, well, well!” Gwaine said delightedly. “Where were _you_ all last night?”

Merlin closed his eyes and sighed.

Gwaine didn't accept his explanations of  _ I stayed with a friend last night _ and  _ No, you don't know them _ , and only stopped needling him when Merlin snapped that  _ it was none of his business _ . He went upstairs to shower and change and get another hour or two of sleep before they had to be back in the studio. 

This, of course, led to the entire house knowing Merlin hadn't come home last night by ten that morning, because Gwaine kept secrets about as well as a sieve kept water. Nobody cared, really, apart from Lance and Gwen, who shot him concerned looks, and Mordred, who seemed inexplicably angry with him.

Merlin ignored them, and went to Gaius to begin preparations for the next week. The theme for the show was  _ Ireland Vs. The USA _ . 

“Either an Irish artist or an American one,” Gaius informed them. “I've got suggestions for each of you, but we'll go through them and decide together.”

“The problem with doing so well last week,” Gaius said to him privately after Mordred and Lancelot had been dispatched with their new songs, “is that now people will be expecting you to top it.”

Merlin had looked at the list Gaius had drawn up. The idea that he would now be facing even more pressure to perform hadn't occurred to him, and he felt stupid.

“Maybe you should strip it back a little this week,” Gaius suggested. “Keep it simple. Last week was big and dramatic. Go small, but good.”

Merlin nodded, considering. “What about this one?” He pointed – The Cranberries,  _ Zombie _ . It was a good song, one he liked, but he couldn't help but worry that  _ keeping it simple _ would be a step backwards, especially if he got his guitar out again. 

“I think you can do it,” said Gaius. “It'll showcase your voice more than anything you've done on the live shows before.”

Merlin shoved his doubts to the back of his mind. “Let's do it.”

Arthur went through the day in a bit of a daze. His thoughts kept flashing back to Merlin – stretched out below him, pressed up against him, the slip-slide of Merlin's skin against his. He tried to concentrate on KnightVision and Free Trade and their performances. He went through any mistakes that they'd made on Saturday night, what they needed to improve on, and they decided on their songs.

Gwaine insisted on KnightVision singing Thin Lizzy's  _ The Boys are Back in Town _ , and neither the rest of his bandmates nor Arthur had any arguments. Free Trade were a bit harder to deal with – they shot down several of Arthur's suggestions, but eventually they'd decided on  _ Teenage Kicks _ by The Undertones, which Arthur wasn't sure about, but it would have to do.

He had lunch with Morgana, who seemed to pick up on the fact he was distracted given the strange glances she gave him when she thought he wasn't looking, but she didn't actually say anything. After lunch he had a series of endless meetings scheduled, the longest and most tedious of which was with his father, dissecting the previous weekend's show. Uther, luckily, didn't pick up on the fact that his heart wasn't in it today. He checked in with his two bands once more to see how they were getting on and give them some advice, and when daylight was finally fading he found himself finally alone in his dressing room.

The blissful silence was soon interrupted by a text message from Merlin.

_U in ur dressing room?_

Arthur texted back immediately.  _ Yeah. _

It was only a minute or two later that Merlin slipped in, shutting the door carefully behind him. Arthur took in the sight of him. He looked somehow different now that Arthur knew what exactly lay beneath his clothes, the feel and smell and taste of his skin. Merlin perched himself on Arthur's desk, close to him.

“Should we talk about it?” he asked. The setting sun shone in through the window behind him, lighting him from behind and casting half his face in shadow. 

Arthur's mouth felt dry, and he had to swallow before answering. “Yeah.”

“I still don't regret it,” said Merlin. “I want to do it again.”

“So do I,” Arthur replied. He stood up so he and Merlin were on the same level. He placed his hands on the desk on either side of Merlin's legs, leaned in close. “Maybe we should regret it.”

“But we don't.” Merlin shrugged. 

“No.”

There was silence for a moment in the room, then Merlin's hands landed on Arthur's shoulders. Merlin kissed him again, not fast and furious like last night, but slower, more carefully. It was wonderful.

Arthur pulled back after a few seconds, watched Merlin pout. He traced his lips with his thumb, his ring catching on Merlin's chin.

“Nobody can know,” he said. “If anybody finds out, that's both of our careers gone. It's a big risk.”

“I know,” Merlin said seriously. His hands curled in Arthur's hair. “We'll need to be careful.”

It was a stupid risk, he told himself. It was idiotic, it was probably going to be the single worst decision he'd ever make, but he looked at Merlin's small, secret smile, and decided to risk it anyway.

  


The rest of the week flew by for Merlin. He threw himself into rehearsals, even though he soon learnt the song off by heart. He'd set a new standard for himself, and he needed to live up to it.

He continued to meet up with Freya once or twice, for lunch, or coffee. She lived in London, and he realised that just because she'd left the show that she hadn't left his life. It was her who told him Mordred was the bookie's favourite to win. Merlin was third favourite, after Gwen. He was surprised that he was ranked as highly as he was, to be honest.

“You never know,” she said over a cup of coffee one day in the middle of the week, “you could win yet.”

He nudged her knee under the table with his own. “You should still be in the competition,” he said.

“Don't worry about me. Worry about you.”

They moved onto other topics of conversation soon enough, and Merlin soon learned that pictures of them together would inevitably appear in the papers the day after they met, but he grew not to care. He and Freya knew where they stood with each other, and it meant that nobody was paying attention to him and Arthur.

He hadn't spent any more time at Arthur's flat, and time with him was scarce, but simply knowing that Arthur was  _ his  _ for this particular moment in time was more than enough to get by. He lived for the moments in his dressing room, or when they passed in the corridors, or made eye contact in sound checks and rehearsals. His mood throughout the week was consistently cheerful, and it attracted attention from Gwaine, who never stopped teasing him for his night away, and Mordred, who kept giving him odd, aggrieved looks when he continued to leave the house earlier than everyone else, and come back later. 

Saturday night came quickly for Arthur. KnightVision progressed well throughout the week and he was happy with them, but he wasn't as sure about Free Trade. They could easily have done with some more time to practice, but they would just have to do their best. 

Morgana's dress tonight was fire-engine red, so bright it could probably be seen from space. Arthur kept catching it in the corner of his eye thinking it was actually aflame. Nimueh had gone for a safer, if somewhat short, blue number, and Arthur wished he were sitting next to her instead.

Gwen was on first tonight. Morgana had apparently taken the news that Mordred was favourite to win that week to heart and wanted to make a point with Gwen this week, and chosen Eimear Quinn's  _ The Voice  _ for her to sing. Arthur didn't think anybody had sung anything like it on the X-Factor before (there was always a distinct lack of songs from Eurovision, apart from the ubiquitous  _ Waterloo _ ) and he had his doubts – until Gwen opened her mouth and started to sing. She hit notes that Arthur didn't even know she could, and the ending note was a thing of beauty. He happily applauded and congratulated her on an excellent performance.

However, Agravaine sang next (after an ad break, during which Arthur received a text message from Merlin raving about Gwen's singing) and his performance couldn't have contrasted more. He was singing Johnny Cash's  _ Folsom Prison Blues _ , and he did at least look the part, dressed head to toe in black and with his hair slicked back. Unfortunately, that was the only good thing Arthur could find to say about his performance, and he took the chance to be particularly brutal, as he hadn't had the chance to cut anybody down in a while. Hopefully it would put to bed the persistent rumours of favouritism. Gaius and Morgana were similarly uncomplimentary (although they weren't quite as blunt as Arthur had been). Nimueh unconvincingly tried her best to play up his strong points, few as they were. 

KnightVision were on after Agravaine. They rocked it, and Arthur made sure to tell them so. He had cut a few of the verses from the song and emphasised the chorus as well as giving them a few dance moves. Altogether, it wasn't perfect, but it was fun. 

Another ad break, and then Merlin was the first on of the boys. Arthur had been nearly as nervous about Merlin's performance as Merlin had been – if he wasn't as good as he was last week Arthur would have to tell him so, and he knew just how hard Merlin was working. He needn't have worried. After his video played, the lights came up to show Merlin alone on the bare stage. He was sitting on a tall stool, his guitar on his knee, a microphone on a stand before him. His clothes were simple this week, but his makeup still dark and dramatic to suit the tone of the song. It was a much more serious and dark performance than they had seen in the series so far, and Merlin was hypnotising.

_Another head hangs lowly,_  
 _Child is slowly taken_  
 _And the violence causes such silence_  
 _Who are we mistaking?_  
 _But you see it's not me_  
 _It's not my family_  
 _In your head, in your head,_  
 _They are fighting_  
 _With their tanks and their bombs_  
 _And their bombs and their guns_  
 _In your head, in your head,_  
 _they are crying._  


“Merlin,” Arthur said after he had finished, “I never thought I would be happy to hear you do another acoustic version of a song. But I was wrong. You really made that song your own.”

Merlin had beamed at him.

Free Trade had been on after Merlin and their performance had been alright. They were good, but they weren't really getting better week-on-week like everybody else was. He praised them anyway, but the other judges took issue with the song choice (apparently _Teenage Kicks_ didn't work as well when it was sung by a married couple in their thirties).

Another ad break, and Arthur resisted the temptation to send Merlin a snarky text message. He couldn't really be seen to spend too much time on his phone, even if the cameras weren't rolling at that particular moment in time. Besides, Morgana would notice and probably try and find out who he was always sending messages to, and that definitely would not end well.

Lancelot and Morgause were on after the ad break ended. Lancelot sung a beautiful version of  _Piano Man_ , which happened to be the song he'd sung in his original audition. This time he accompanied himself on the piano, and it was a really fantastic performance. Morgause had gone for Bon Jovi's  _Wanted Dead or Alive._ She was an excellent vocalist, but Arthur wanted to see her stretch herself and leave her comfort zone again, which she hadn't done in weeks now. His words that he thought she was getting predictable didn't go down well with the audience or other judges, but they were the truth, and that was what counted. 

Mordred was on last, after one final ad break. Gaius had given him Elvis this week, which Arthur thought might challenge him somewhat, but Mordred more than proved he could rise to it. He belted out  _A Little Less Conversation_ like he was born to do so. Valiant had given him some fairly complex choreography and some backing dancers, but he kept in time with them like he's been doing it all his life. It was a magnificent performance, probably the best of the night (and between him, Merlin, and Gwen, there had been some stiff competition), and he thoroughly deserved the standing ovation he got from the audience. 

Arthur was up early again on Sunday morning and right back into the studio. He helped Valiant and Mary with the group performance, had a meeting with his father, and then met with both KnightVision and Free Trade about sing-off songs. He was normally insistent on the fact that nobody was ever safe in this show, but he was extra firm on the point with Free Trade. He saw Merlin a few times, only ever from a distance, but the flash of his eyes and slight curl of his smile when he caught sight of Arthur made his heart skip a beat.

Soon it was eight once again, and the show began as normal. The special guests this week were Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea, and they performed after the group performance and between Kilgarragh's repeated pleas for final votes. 

At long last, Arthur found himself onstage again, his two groups on either side of him, waiting for the hammer to fall.

Gwen was through first, then Lancelot, followed by KnightVision. The boys cheered and disappeared offstage, and Arthur watched the expressions on Tristan and Isolde's faces get more and more worried with each name called out.

Merlin came after that, and Arthur focused on his delighted smile. Mordred went through next, and it was down to three.

“The final act guaranteed a place in next week's show is...” Arthur looked at his fellow judges. Gaius was sitting happily back at the judge's table, his three boys having sailed through. Morgana still looked haughtily confident holding Morgause's hand, but Nimueh couldn't hide her worry. Arthur couldn't help but feel bad for her – it was her first year as a judge, after all, and it was spectacularly backfiring on her. 

“Morgause Gorlois!”

Arthur exchanged a look of resignation with Tristan and Isolde as Morgana celebrated. None of the three of them could say that they didn't know this was coming.

Free Trade sang first. They had chosen Take That's  _ Patience _ , and the extra work that Arthur had made them do really paid off, and they surprised even him. Agravaine went next and sang Chris De Burgh's  _ Lady In Red _ . Arthur didn't know what was wrong with Agravaine this week, but his cover was terrible – off key and far too cheesy. Even if it hadn't been one of Arthur's acts in the bottom two, it would have been an easy decision.

Nimueh was the only person to back her own act, and Agravaine finally went home in disgrace.

 


	9. Weeks 6 And 7: Rock And Movies

The next two weeks were a bit of a blur to Merlin. It was rock this week, and he and Gaius had chosen a Bon Jovi song for him, which was very different to anything he'd done before. He took strength from the fact Arthur had faith in him, a fact he'd made clear repeatedly in their stolen moments. He noticed Arthur subtly listening in to his practice sessions and took any advice or criticism Arthur gave him to heart. 

On Wednesday night, the seven remaining acts were all taken to a film première in Leicester Square. It was one of the blockbuster action sequels that Merlin had never seen the previous four instalments of, so he was entirely lost during the film – but the film wasn't the point of the exercise. Walking the red carpet had been their first taste of real celebrity life, of signing autographs and taking photos with screaming fans and being asked the same questions over and over by different interviewers. It was an incredibly bizarre experience – between the constant camera flashes and calls of his name Merlin had felt a little lost. He, Gwen, Lancelot, and Mordred stayed close to each other though, and that made everything more bearable. 

Saturday seemed to sneak up on Arthur. It seemed like one day he was going through potential songs with his acts, and then suddenly he was dressed in a suit again, beside Morgana, waiting for the show to start. He watched the acts one by one, praising or criticising them as they deserved, until eventually Merlin's video started playing. He didn't know why Merlin had such an effect on him – it was like, much as he wanted to, he couldn't look away. He had never felt that way before. Not really. There was just something in Merlin's eyes and hands and face and voice that called to Arthur, and he ached to answer with his hands and his lips.

“It's a big song.” Gaius' voice boomed out at the end of the clip. “But I have faith in Merlin. I think he can handle anything I throw at him.”

Merlin was wearing eyeliner again. At some point he'd figured out exactly what it did to Arthur and took great pleasure in wearing it for every occasion that he possibly could. 

_This ain't a song for the broken hearted,_  
 _A silent prayer for faith departed,_  
 _And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd._  
 _You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud._  


_It's my life,_  
 _It's now or never,_  
 _I ain't gonna live forever._  
 _I just wanna live when I'm alive._  


Merlin looked like he meant every word of it, and when Arthur cast his mind back to the arguments he'd been having with his father recently, he could relate to the words very well indeed.

Uther wanted him to play up differences and rivalries, to be more critical of everything and everyone, but Arthur had started to chafe under the pressure.

On Sunday, after the group song and a performance from Coldplay, Free Trade found themselves in the bottom two once again with Morgause. Arthur still backed them, but he couldn't save them this time, and so Tristan and Isolde were eliminated, and Arthur was left with one act.

On Monday, Merlin discovered that this week they were recording the X-Factor charity single. The proceeds were being donated to Children in Need, and all of the eliminated acts were called back for the recording. 

It was Merlin's first time in a recording studio, and all of the equipment fascinated him. He wondered what Arthur had used, recording all of his stuff. What was necessary, beyond a person, a microphone, and a few instruments? Quite a lot, he discovered, watching in wonder as their voices were seamlessly blended by computers.

He was glad to see Freya again. “You're doing so well,” she said. “I loved your version of _It's my life_. It's one of my favourite songs.”

Merlin grinned at her and pulled her into a hug.

“Thanks,” he said. “It's movie week this week. I'm feeling a bit out of my comfort zone.”

“Don't be silly,” she said. “You can sing anything. I have faith in you.”

On Thursday morning, Arthur met with his father. Uther was in his office, making annoyed faces at several newspapers and some printed-out webpages. 

“Mordred's still the favourite to win,” he said, not bothering with _hello._

Arthur frowned at him. “And?” He paused, thought about it.  “ Who  _ do _ you want to win?”

Uther leaned forward on his desk, hands folded together in front of him. “The Smith girl.”

“Gwen? Why Gwen?”

The look Uther gave Arthur in reply seemed to say  _ Isn't it obvious? _

“She fits the best with our brand,” he said simply.

“Our brand?”

“Don't be dim, Arthur. She fits the best out of all the contestants this year with our record label. She's the easiest to market. People love her.”

_ People love Merlin too, _ Arthur thought.  _ And Lancelot, and KnightVision. _

He knew what his father really meant. Gwen would be the easiest to control out of all of them, the easiest to shape and mould into Uther's vision of a popstar. He was good at it, too – after all, he'd done it with Arthur.

“It's not as if Mordred is completely mad,” Arthur said. “He could do well.” But he wouldn't be as easy to control – Mordred was the youngest person in the competition and often acted like it, but there was a will of iron hidden behind his eyes. Mordred wouldn't fit neatly into a box the way Gwen would, singing heartfelt ballads and feel-good anthems. He was louder and brasher and made his opinions known. Gwen was incredibly talented, she was _a voice_ , and while she could stand up for herself, she would still fit into Uther's little lineup of popstars. 

Uther must have seen Arthur's' thoughts on his face. He glared, but changed the subject. “How is your own music coming along? Is the album still on track to be released next October?”

He dreamed sometimes of parting ways with Uther's record company and setting up his own. All of the music he released was his own, and the more successful he'd been the more Uther had started to step back and let him manage himself, but the constant reminders that he wasn't really in control bugged him. It was a pipe dream, especially as even if he managed to end his recording contract with Uther's Albion records he was still tied in to two more years of judging the show, as he'd signed a lengthy contract when he'd agreed to take the position. 

“I'm still working on it,” he said.

It felt like his days revolved around Merlin's visits to his dressing room. He spent most of his time at the studio looking forward to touching him in the only privacy they could get. He was still addicted to the feel and taste of Merlin, to his presence, and he really didn't want to admit to himself that it was becoming a problem. 

Arthur couldn't wait for the week to be over, so it was a relief when Saturday night finally rolled around.

“Tonight,” growled Kilgarragh, “is movie week!” He paused to let the audience cheer. “Yes, that means all of your favourite songs from Hollywood. First on tonight, please welcome Lancelot DuLac!”

Lancelot sang Take That's  _ Rule The World,  _ accompanying himself on the piano again. 

“That was brilliant,” Arthur said to him when he was finished, “but I'm worried that you're not stretching yourself enough. I want to see you do more.”

After Lancelot was Gwen with  _ Somewhere Over The Rainbow _ , and she was, as ever, astonishingly good at it. She really did have a one of a kind voice, and, as much as he hated to admit it, he could identify with his father when he said he wanted Gwen to win. Luckily, Uther was above actually fixing the results (though not because of any moral reason, he just judged it not to be worth the risk of being found out). 

After an ad break, Mordred sang  _ Hip to be Square _ (excellent) and Morgause  _ When You're Good to Mama  _ from the  _ Chicago _ soundtrack (passable). Another ad break, and then it was Merlin's turn. 

Arthur had been very surprised with Gaius' choice of song for Merlin this week. It was completely different from anything he'd sung before.

 _The snow glows white on the mountain tonight_  
 _Not a footprint to be seen_  
 _A kingdom of isolation  
_ _And it looks like I'm the King._

The staging was more elaborate than Gaius usually arranged for Merlin – there were decorations this time, giant ice-like sculptures and the screens behind him showed frantic snowflakes. Merlin's performance was intense, like he was throwing his entire self into the song. Arthur was honestly impressed – he hadn't expected it to work nearly as well as it had.

_Let it go, let it go_  
 _And I'll rise like the break of dawn_  
 _Let it go, let it go_  
 _That perfect man is gone_  
 _Here I stand in the light of day_  
 _Let the storm rage on!_  
 _The cold never bothered me anyway._

 

Merlin looked shocked at the reaction he got from the audience and judges. Clearly he'd expected it to go as well as Arthur had, and had been just as surprised when it had worked.

“Merlin,” said Arthur when the applause eventually died down. “I must admit that I was more than a bit worried when I found out what you were singing this week.” He cast a glance at Gaius, who looked worried about what Arthur was going to say next. “I shouldn't have been. That was really excellent, I loved it.”

His father would throw a fit, Arthur thought savagely. And he did not care one bit, not when the alternative was Merlin's bright smile.

KnightVision were on last. They'd wanted to sing  _ Greased Lightning _ this week, and Arthur had agreed. It didn't go as well as they had hoped it would – Arthur praised everything about it, but the other three judges had valid criticisms when they called it cheesy and over the top. Morgana had actually called it “a little bit like karaoke”, which was completely uncalled for – Arthur was supposed to be the mean one!  


He didn't have high hopes for Sunday night, and nobody was surprised when KnightVision ended up in the bottom two with Morgause. KnightVision had prepared Cat Stevens'  _ Wild World _ for the sing-off, which bewildered everyone, Arthur included. He understood why they went for it, though. They wanted to prove they were more than a novelty act, that they really could sing, and they managed it. 

Morgause sang Florence + The Machine's  _ No Light, No Light _ , which she also sang very well, but some of the highest notes were just out of her reach, and she was out of tune once or twice. 

When Kilgarragh asked Arthur who he was sending home, he answered “Morgause” without a second thought. She was talented, but KnightVision were better in nearly every way, and he would have chosen them even if he weren't their mentor. Morgana understandably backed her own act, and it was left for Gaius and Nimueh to decide who was going home.

Kilgarragh came to Nimueh first. “Both of your songs were very good,” she said, hesitatingly. “But the standard at this point in the competition is just so high, that even very good acts have to be sent home. I'm sending home KnightVision.”

Arthur's heart dropped, but he calmed himself. He could trust Gaius.

“Nimueh is right when she says that the standards of this competition are now unbelievably high,” he said, looking between the two contestants. “And you are both very, very talented. However, I'm going to save the act that I think can go the farthest in this competition, and do the best in the future.” He paused, his lips pursed. “I'm sending home Morgause.”

With two votes for each act, they went to deadlock. Kilgarragh slowly revealed that the act with the fewest number of votes had been Morgause, and KnightVision were safe for another week. 

 


	10. Quarter-Final

“This week,” Gaius said on Monday morning, “is the first week you're each going to be singing two songs – not including the group performance, obviously. This means twice as much to learn, and twice as work for everyone.” He eyed them sternly. “I don't doubt for a minute that the three of you are up for it, but it's going to be even harder this week until you get settled into a new routine.”

“What's the theme this week?” Mordred asked eagerly.

“It's _Queen Vs Elton John_ ,” said Gaius. “Everybody does one song by Queen, and one song by Elton John. Obviously, that's much more of a limitation than we've had in the past, but we'll manage.”

Lance had immediately wanted  _ Candle in the Wind,  _ and nobody could really argue with him. Gaius also suggested Queen's  _ Who wants to live forever?  _ Happy with those, Lance went off to start working. Mordred and Merlin discussed their options with Gaius a little longer. Mordred got  _ Rocket Man  _ and  _ Don't Stop Me Now _ , and that just left Merlin. 

“What do you think about _I want to break free?_ ” Merlin asked. 

“Fine with me,” said Gaius. “Now, Elton John – what about _Can you feel the love tonight?_ ” 

Merlin frowned, but he couldn't think of anything better. “Alright.”

Arthur cancelled most of his meetings and other business during the week in order to work with KnightVision on their songs. Being in the bottom two had both scared and motivated them, so they were as eager as he was to work as hard as they had to to get a place in the semi-final. Arthur always thought they did better with faster songs and elaborate staging ( _ Greased Lightning _ excluded), so he made sure that both performances would be crowdpleasers above all else. 

The meetings he couldn't cancel, though, were with his father. Uther constantly wanted to know how everyone was doing – and Arthur knew he had security cameras and other staff members reporting to him too, so Arthur could never mislead him or withhold information. They dissected every moment of the previous shows, with a focus on what viewers liked and what they didn't (the short answer: good music and drama, not necessarily in that order), until Arthur thought that he was going to tear his hair out.

Sometimes it felt like only Merlin was stopping him from going mad, but Merlin wasn't having a great week. He wasn't connecting properly with his songs – the emotion that coloured his previous performances and made them so special wasn't coming this week, and he didn't know why. By the time he realised that they really weren't working, there wasn't enough time to start all over again, so Arthur watched him throw himself into the rehearsals, to no avail. 

Maybe they were keeping each other sane, Arthur thought one evening. They were back in Arthur's flat once more, having decided that it was probably safe enough to go there occasionally if they weren't seen leaving together and if Merlin got back before it was too late. Arthur sat on one end of his sofa, scribbling away at a new song. Merlin spread himself across the rest of the space, his socked feet in Arthur's lap, flicking through one of Arthur's books – he switched between Arthur's battered copies of  _ The Three Musketeers _ and  _ Songwriters on Songwriting _ . He liked Merlin in his flat – he made rooms that previously seemed too large small enough to feel cosy. Merlin puttered around and disturbed Arthur's carefully organised bookshelves and DVD and CD collections and made the flat seem more lived-in than Arthur had ever managed. He was continually amazed at things Arthur had thought nothing of – the HD smart television on his wall, the rarely-used cooking gadgets in his kitchen, the fact he had a cleaner come in twice a week. He was a whirlwind who had blown into Arthur's life, and Arthur loved the chaos left in his wake. 

On Saturday morning, Merlin felt so nervous that he thought he might be sick. Even meeting Arthur early in his dressing room didn't help him.

“Look at me,” Arthur said, just before they had to leave and get on with work for the day. “You are incredibly talented. Your songs mightn't be the best choices, but all you can do is try your best.” His eyes were earnest. Merlin sighed. 

“You're right.” He wasn't at all confident in his songs, but it was far too late to do anything about it now. He'd just have to deal with it as best he could. He wrapped his arms around Arthur in their last moment of privacy, nuzzled into his neck like a comfort blanket.. 

“You'll be fine,” said Arthur. “It will be fine.”

Merlin pulled back, his heart swelling with emotion, and thought that maybe it would be. He kissed Arthur, trying to say  _ thank you _ and  _ I hope so _ and many other things that he couldn't put words to just yet. From the way Arthur kissed him back, Merlin thought he understood.

The show did not go well for Merlin. His version of  _ I want to break free  _ went down alright, but compared to Lancelot singing  _ Candle in the Wind _ like he'd written it himself, Mordred totally wowing everyone with  _ Don't Stop Me Now,  _ and Gwen bringing the audience to tears with her version of  _ Your Song _ , he didn't think he'd done enough to really stand out and win votes. Even KnightVision were far better than usual this week at  _ We Will Rock You _ , as Arthur had worked them really hard. 

Halfway through the show, Merlin was  _ not _ feeling positive about things. And then, of course, they got worse. He was going second-from-last, after KnightVision. They performed  _ Crocodile Rock,  _ which didn't go  _ quite _ as well as their attempt at Queen had gone, but it was still very good. It was easy to see Arthur's disciplined methods in the way every note was perfect, every step in time with everybody else's. 

And then it was Merlin's turn again. He waited for his cue and sang the  _ Lion King _ classic as best he could, but he knew it wasn't good enough. He'd progressed so far in the competition, grown so much – to be brought down by Elton John. 

Morgana went first. “There was very little technically wrong with those songs,” she said, looking at him with sad eyes. “But I just didn't  _ connect _ with them, because neither did you.”

Nimueh echoed her sentiments. “It felt like you just picked two songs at random from a list and sang them. I don't think they suited you.”

Gaius defended him down to the ground, of course, but the final blow came from Arthur.

"I'm sorry, Merlin", said Arthur. "But I have to agree with the girls again this week. It didn't feel to me like your heart was in those songs. You have been so good so far in this competition, that this week was only okay. And I don't know if only okay is good enough this far into the show."

There was a chorus of boos from the audience at Arthur's words, but Merlin knew they were true. Arthur could always see the truth in him, and he always said it, even when nobody else would. It was part of the reason Merlin loved him. Merlin couldn't make his throat work to say words back to anybody so he nodded instead and bit his lip and tried not to cry. He only just succeeded. Kilgarragh mercifully didn't ask him any more questions as he would have usually, so Merlin was able to walk off into the wings immediately while Mordred was introduced again. He didn't want to go back to the green room as he knew he wouldn't be able to face Gwen and Lancelot's pitying expressions, so he headed for the bathrooms and locked himself into one of the stalls.

It was a few minutes later that his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a message from Arthur.

_I had to. I'm sorry :(._

Merlin texted back,  _ I know _ .

Merlin couldn't sleep that night, and spent all Sunday dreading the results show. He took extra time that afternoon to practice the song he'd chosen for the sing-off, because he was certain that he would be in the bottom two after the disaster of the previous night. He pasted on a fake smile for most of the day and all through the group performance (Katy Perry's  _ Roar _ ), but it couldn't quite last until it was finally time to find out who was getting through to the finals and who was going to have to sing once more. 

Kilgarragh quietened the audience, and touched his earpiece. Merlin never knew if it was Kilgarragh himself drawing out the silences and upping the suspense, or if it was whoever was talking to him through the little earpiece who decided how long they should wait.

“The first act through to the semi-final is... KnightVision!”

The boys on either side of Arthur celebrated loudly – Gwaine in particular. They high-fived and fist-pumped the air in delight, and Merlin had to look away. They eventually made their way offstage.

That left Gwen, and the three boys.

“The next act through to the semi-final is...” Merlin closed his eyes. “Lancelot!” 

Merlin heard Lancelot next to him give a great sigh of relief. He wrapped one arm around Merlin and the other around Merlin, pulling them into a great hug.

“Well done,” said Merlin, and he meant it. Lancelot pulled them tighter.

“Good luck,” he said and then he was gone. 

Merlin and Mordred stood on either side of Gaius, and he grasped their hands tightly in his.

“The last act to go through on the public vote to the semi-final is...” He dragged it out so long this time that Merlin could hardly stand it. “Gwen!” 

Merlin heard rather than saw Gwen and Morgana's relief, but it barely registered with him. He tightened his grip on Gaius' hand. So this was the end, then.

“That means,” Kilgarragh continued, “that after the break both Mordred and Merlin will be singing to stay in the competition. Believe me when I say you will not want to miss this.”

As soon as they were off camera, Gaius gathered them both up in his arms.

“I'm sorry, boys,” he said sadly. “You both deserve to be here, and you both deserve to stay, and it's a terrible thing that you can't.”

Mordred didn't say anything – Merlin didn't know if he even could, but they both hugged Gaius back.

“It's alright, Gaius,” Merlin tried not to sniffle. “Had to happen sometime.”

Gaius pulled away from them and nodded. “Now, you both best go get ready.” He scuttled back to the judge's table with red eyes. Merlin couldn't look at Mordred just yet, and he went to fetch his guitar.

All too soon it was time. Merlin and Mordred stood at the side of the stage, faces pale and drawn. One of the assistant directors came by and informed them that Mordred would be on first.

Kilgarragh came back on stage, Gaius started to introduce Mordred and at the very last second he could, Merlin turned to Mordred.

“Good luck,” he said, quietly.

Mordred's returning half-smile was small. “You too.”

And then he was gone to the solitary microphone, standing like a soldier in the middle of the stage. His song choice was unusual for a sing-off, but it suited him and worked well.

_Like ships in the night,_  
 _You keep passing me by_  
 _Just wasting time_  
 _Trying to prove who's right..._  


It was a song Merlin had always liked, and Mordred was so good at it. Merlin bit his lip, resisting the urge to sigh in resignation. He wanted to tell himself that it wasn't over yet, but Mordred had been better than he had the previous night. Maybe he had always been better. All too soon, the last note of  _ Ships in the Night _ was fading into silence. There was applause afterwards, there always was, but tonight there was a solemn air to it.

Mordred came offstage and Merlin went on. They made eye contact briefly as they passed, but Merlin couldn't find it within him to say anything. He found the microphone, made sure his guitar was tuned, and then started playing the chords that were so familiar to him after so much practice.

He knew, really, that Adele would be a cliché choice, and that the song was big and dangerous and that even Gwen couldn't pull it off properly a few weeks ago. He knew all of that, and he decided to do the song anyway. What did he have to lose, now?

[](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLSbsWvOwFA&list=UUjz5l60A6aGwgEXMI0VCa6A&index=24)_I heard that you're settled down_  
 _And you've found someone,_  
 _and you're married now._  


He had Arthur to lose. He looked upwards and out, towards the audience and the judges. He saw Gaius, who looked so sad, and Nimueh, who was staring at him wide-eyed, and he saw Morgana, who had tears on her cheeks, and he saw Arthur. He couldn't look any further than Arthur. He didn't know what would happen if he went out now, what would happen with them. How could he go home and face his Mum and his friends and their messages of support and sympathy and not know if he would only ever see Arthur again from the wrong side of a television screen?

_Never mind I'll find someone like you._  
 _I wish nothing but the best for you._  
 _Don't forget me, I beg._  
 _I remember you say,_  
 _Sometimes it lasts in love,_  
 _Sometimes it hurts instead._  


He let the last few notes float away from him like butterflies. His hands stilled on the guitar. He looked down, not wanting to see the expression on Arthur's face. The noise of the audience took him by surprise, and he looked up to see them all on their feet once more for him, Gaius and Nimueh and Morgana and Arthur included. He watched Arthur wipe at his cheeks. His own were damp too, he realised slowly. He stepped back from the microphone and out of the spotlight to wipe his face.

In no time at all, Mordred and Kilgarragh came onto the stage together. Mordred's face was paler and more frightened than it had been before. Merlin knew his expression probably wasn't much different. The atmosphere was terse.

“Gaius,” said Kilgarragh, “We'll come to you first.”

Gaius looked first at Merlin, then Mordred, then back to Merlin.

“I'm sorry, Kilgarragh,” he said, “but I refuse to choose between my acts. I think they both deserve to go through. I can't pick sides.”

Merlin had expected that, and judging by the way Kilgarragh touched his earpiece, so had everybody else. “Alright. Nimueh, who are you sending home?”

Nimueh looked between Merlin and Mordred. “This is such a difficult decision,” she said. “Easily the hardest so far in the competition.” She bit her lip. “Mordred, you have been so consistently good, especially last night. But Merlin, your performance in the sing-off was just amazing.”

“I'm going have to hurry you,” said Kilgarragh.

Nimueh nodded. “I'm sending home Merlin.”

Merlin nodded. He had expected that. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a wide relieved grin stretching Mordred's face.

Morgana was next. She too looked between them, back and forth.

“Both of you have such amazing voices,” she said, “and I'm sure that no matter what you will both go on to have fantastic careers. No matter what happens tonight, I want you to know that.” She swallowed. “But based of just those performances? I'm sending home Mordred.”

Merlin looked at her in shock. He had accepted that he would be going home tonight – that was a given, as far as he was concerned. He felt resentment swell up in him, because now it would be Arthur who sent Merlin home. Who stopped Merlin's journey here. He had to – Merlin's performances had been worse than Mordred's, and Arthur had always prided himself on being honest, even if he had to be blunt. It seemed such a cruel thing to do, such a terrible way for things to end.

“Arthur?” prompted Kilgarragh. 

Arthur looked pale too, even under all his makeup. He shook himself slightly. Merlin didn't want to look him in the eye, he didn't want to make his job even harder now, but he couldn't help himself. Arthur was hypnotising.

Arthur cleared his throat. “Nimueh was right when she said that this is the hardest decision so far in the series – in all of them, in fact.” Merlin watched Arthur's face, knowing that millions of other people were watching with him, desperate to see what he'd do. “I know I should be only taking tonight into account,” Arthur continued, “but I can't do that. I'm have to take everything they have done in the past weeks into consideration. I can't not.” He swallowed and his tongue flicked out to wet his lips. Merlin followed every movement. “I'm sending home Mordred.”

The room erupted in noise. Merlin felt like he had been punched in the chest. His jaw dropped open and he scrubbed a hand across his face. A few feet away, Mordred made a noise of utter despair. Merlin tore his eyes away from Arthur to look at him. Mordred was glaring at him, with an expression of betrayal.

“I'm sorry,” said Merlin, his voice as low as he could make it and still be heard by Mordred but not the many microphones around them.

Mordred just looked at him with hate. “I know,” he said, and his eyes flicked to Arthur and back to Merlin. “ _ I know. _ ”

It took Merlin a moment to connect Mordred's words with what Arthur had said just moments previously.

_I have to take everything they have done in the past weeks into consideration._

_ I have to take  _ _**everything** _ _ they have done... _ _ into consideration. _

Merlin felt sick as realisation struck him. He couldn't even feel relieved that he was through to the semi-finals. He made his way offstage and out of the studio, dodging Aithusa and Lancelot and Gwen and Gwaine one at a time. He didn't want to talk to anybody. He went back to the house and into his bed. He was pretending to be asleep when Lancelot came in, and shortly after that he fell into an uneasy sleep for real.

 


	11. Semi-Final

Monday was quiet. Mordred came back at some point during the day while everybody was away for his things and left their bedroom feeling too big and empty for Merlin and Lancelot to fill by themselves.

Even at the studio, things seemed duller and greyer. The weather reflected the mood – dark clouds lurked overhead promising rain, while the cold wind whistled around every corner and into even the slightest gap in Merlin's clothes.

“It's two songs again this week,” said Gaius. “And the themes are _guilty pleasure_ and _music idols_. I thought I'd let the two of you pick your own songs. Consider it carefully,” and Merlin could tell that that comment was addressed to him in particular, “and let me know by tomorrow what you've chosen, yes?”

He let them go with a minimum of fuss. Lancelot apologetically disappeared off to find Gwen, and Merlin considered for a minute tracking down Arthur, but he would surely be with his last remaining group, micromanaging them down to the last note. Besides, he hadn't spoken to Arthur since the sing-off, since Arthur saved him, and he didn't want to look at Arthur and know that it was only because they were sleeping together that Merlin was still here at all.

He went back to the house instead.

There was nobody there, and Merlin found it blissful, but lonely. He didn't know what songs he was going to choose to sing on Saturday night, and he couldn't bring himself to think about it yet, even though he knew that he needed as much practice as he could get. He avoided thinking about all the things he had to do, and went and fetched his guitar from the bedroom instead.

He hadn't played it purely for pleasure in what felt like forever, and after a few hours of working on some of his own songs, he felt in a much better mood. By the time Lancelot and everybody else arrived home, he was nearly back to normal.

Tuesday dawned rainy. The dark clouds of the day before had finally burst, but the result was more of a never-ending drizzle than real rain. It was enough to make the entire city feel dreary and miserable. Merlin woke early again. Lancelot was still fast asleep, but the room still felt too quiet without Mordred's snores. Merlin headed into the shower, still undecided on his two songs. He should talk it over with Arthur, he thought. They had to talk sometime. Maybe they could just put the events of the weekend behind them and move on. He thought about texting him, but they had not exchanged text messages since Saturday, so Merlin dismissed the idea. He would go into the studio instead – Arthur was normally in early as well, they could talk then, when the building was still nearly empty.

He was on his way to the tube station when he caught a glimpse of his own face through a shop window. He frowned in confusion, and entered.

The headline of the day's  _ Daily Mail _ read  _ X-FACTOR GAY SEX TAPE SHOCKER _ . Merlin's breath caught in his throat. There was a picture of his face on the front page, one of the show's promotional images, but there, taking up most of the front page, were what looked like stills from a video. They were of Merlin, in his room at the house, in bed with somebody else whose face was blurred out, but Merlin knew it was Mordred. They were both naked, but the pixellation left little to the imagination.

Merlin felt faint.  _ Oh god,  _ he thought.  _ Oh god. This cannot be happening. _ His stomach churned and he felt the sudden urge to throw up. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself (it didn't work at all) and he picked up the paper to read the words printed beneath the pictures. 

_Shock at X-Factor contestant's sex tape discovery! In an exclusive story by George Aredian, Merlin Emrys, 21, of Ealdor, Wales is pictured here engaging in sex acts with an unknown man. Emrys, a recent chemistry graduate, was controversially put through to the X-Factor semi-finals this weekend..._

Merlin couldn't read any more. He looked at the name again. George Aredian – Merlin had heard of him. Nicknamed the  _ Witchfinder,  _ he was infamous for having been responsible for the outings of many high-profile celebrities in the past few years. Merlin put the paper back.

He didn't know what to do.

He left the shop and continued to the tube station. He boarded a train randomly – he didn't know where he was going, he just needed to get away.

Arthur hadn't been planning on getting up early on Tuesday but he woke early anyway, his body too used to getting up at the same time every day to change its habits.

He robotically went through his morning routine. Shower-teeth-clothes-breakfast. It was the same every morning. The first break in his routine came when he was eating toast. His phone rang and Arthur looked at it in bewilderment. Nobody rang him early in the morning. His confusion increased when he looked at the phone and saw his father's name on the screen. What on earth could Uther want that couldn't wait until he got into the office? He answered it quickly.

“Father? Is something wrong?”

“Have you seen the papers?” Uther demanded. Arthur pulled the phone away from his ear and gave it a strange look. What was going on?

“No,” said Arthur cautiously. “How could I? I haven't even left yet.”

“The Daily Mail. Check their website, then get in here as soon as possible.”

Uther hung up and Arthur still had no clue what had happened to make his father so annoyed, but he went to his laptop anyway.

The cause of the phone call became clear once Arthur saw the headline on the top of the newspaper's website, but the image of Merlin's face drove all thoughts of Uther and the office from his mind.

He picked up his phone again and rang Merlin, but there was no answer and after a few minutes he was sent to voicemail. He tried again and again to no avail. Then he cursed, abandoned his breakfast, and ran to his car. He needed to find Merlin.

Merlin ended up outside Waterloo station with no memory of getting there. He walked aimlessly towards the Thames. It was still raining, and he was absurdly grateful for it, because it meant he was able to pull up his hood and shield his face some without attracting any odd looks. His phone rang in his pocket and he pulled it out to see who it was.

Arthur.

_ Arthur _ . God, he hadn't even thought about what Arthur would think. He didn't want to talk to Arthur. He didn't want to talk to anybody. Eventually it went to voicemail, but there was only a few seconds of silence before it started ringing again. Merlin switched his phone to silent and stuffed it back in to his pockets. He reached the river and stood for a few moments, watching the London Eye slowly spin on his left. Then he turned away from it and started walking in the opposite direction. 

Twelve calls later Merlin still wasn't picking up his phone and Arthur was getting more and more worried. It was still early, but he knew Merlin was an early riser and he should have answered his phone by now. For his thirteenth call, he rang Gaius instead.

Uther hadn't rung Gaius it seemed, so it was down to Arthur to inform him of the morning's developments. Gaius hadn't heard from Merlin either, but he was on his way to the studio and was expecting to meet with Merlin that morning about song choice.

“He might be waiting for me in there,” suggested Gaius.

Arthur doubted it but didn't say.

“Get in as soon as you can,” Arthur instructed. “Find him.”

“I'm on my way.”

Arthur hung up on Gaius and in desperation rang the number for the landline in the house the contestants lived in. A sleepy and confused sounding Lancelot answered.

“Hello?”

“Lancelot? This is Arthur Pendragon. Is Merlin there?”

“Arthur? No, no, he was gone when I woke up, but he normally is, he gets up before anyone else-”

“Fuck. Sorry. If you hear from him, tell him to call me or Gaius, alright?”

Lancelot hesitated on the other end of the line. “Is... is everything alright? Is something wrong with Merlin?”

Arthur wanted to answer sarcastically, but restrained himself.

“I don't know yet. Just let me know if you hear anything from him.”

He hung up.

He probably shouldn't have done that, he thought. Lancelot wouldn't keep the strange phone call to himself and he would have everyone worried. He couldn't bring himself to care too much. The more people worried, the more people looking for Merlin.

Arthur still hadn't left his building. He was in his car in the garage, but no sooner had he got into it when he realised that he didn't know where to go. He had no intention of following his father's instructions and heading to the studio because he doubted Merlin would be there. But he didn't know where Merlin could possibly be. He couldn't have just disappeared.

Merlin's phone kept vibrating in his pocket, and Merlin kept walking. He was approaching the Tate Modern before he checked it again. There were lots of missed calls from Arthur, some from Gaius, and several from Lancelot and Gwen and Gwaine. He put it back in his pocket.

He stopped in front of the art museum. It was a singular building, both striking and ugly. He didn't want to look at it, so he turned and faced the opposite direction. He could see the familiar dome of St. Paul's Cathedral, bright and shining even in the terrible weather, across the river. He remembered hearing once that the building had been a symbol of hope in the second world war, that it had remained strong and standing when most of the rest of London was being flattened in the Blitz. It didn't provide any hope to Merlin. The embankment was mercifully empty of people this early, so Merlin headed beneath the Millennium Bridge and sat down to shelter out of the rain.

He still didn't know what to do. He didn't know who to talk to, or what they would say. He didn't know if he could look anybody in the eye now, that they had seen the pictures on the front page. They would be all over the internet too, he thought. Millions of people would see him. Merlin sat beneath the bridge, pulled his knees up to his chest, and started to cry.

Half an hour later, he felt no better, but he had apparently run out of tears. A few people had passed by him and given him odd looks, but they were all either tourists or commuters and nobody had paid enough attention to recognise him. Still paranoid, he pulled his hoodie further up over his head and wrapped his scarf around so it was covering most of his face.

His phone hadn't stopped ringing for more than a few seconds at a time, and Merlin thought that maybe it was time to face the music. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered without looking at the screen to see who was calling.

“Hello?” he sniffled.

The very last voice he expected to hear replied. “Merlin? Christ, Merlin, are you alright?”

“Will? Is that you?”

“No, it's Brad fucking Pitt. Of course it's me, you idiot.”

Despite everything, Merlin couldn't help but laugh. It came out strange and strangled-sounding, but it was a laugh, and it released something inside of him. Once he started he couldn't stop, and he laughed and laughed for ages, until eventually he got the hiccups and his hysterics died down. He felt better for the first time since seeing the headline, like there might actually be a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Merlin? You still with me?”

Merlin hiccupped. “Just about.”

“I called you like four times. I wasn't expecting you to pick up.”

Merlin swallowed. “My phone's been ringing non-stop. I figured I should probably answer it sooner or later.”

“Are you alright? I saw the paper in the shop-”

“No,” said Merlin. “I don't think I am alright.”He hiccupped again.

“Who was it who...” Will trailed off.

“Mordred.”

“That _bastard_.” Will's anger was clear even from down a terrible phone connection. “I'll rip his fucking balls off, how _dare_ he-”

Will's anger cheered Merlin slightly.

“It was only the once,” said Merlin. “I was drunk and stupid. I didn't know he was filming it.”

“Asshole.”

Merlin smiled. “Yeah.” He paused. “I missed you, Will.”

Merlin heard Will sigh. “I'm sorry, Merlin. I was totally out of order. I shouldn't have said what I said. I was way out of line. I was just mad and jealous, and I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you, and I wasn't.” There was a sniffle from the other end of the line. “I fucked up. And I missed you too. It's not the same without you around.”

“Apology accepted. But you owe me big time.”

“Yeah, I do. Have you talked to your Mum yet?”

“Mum. _Mum!_ Oh, fuck, no, I haven't, do you think she's seen-”

“I doubt she's seen yet, it's still early.”

“But the fucking press, they could call her – could you go round and make sure she's alright?”

“You want me to tell her?”

“If she doesn't already know, yeah, I suppose you'd better. She should probably hear it from me, but 'Hey, Mum, I'm gay and there's naked pictures of me in the papers' is really not a conversation I want to have this morning.”

Will snorted. “I don't blame you. I'll head round now. Do you want me to come up to London after? I can take off work, get the train-”

“No, it's fine. I should probably start dealing with things here, stop hiding.”

“Hiding? Where even are you?”

Merlin looked around. “Under a bridge?”

Will laughed. “Like a troll.”

Merlin sniggered. “Speak for yourself.”

“Why are you under a bridge?”

“Because it's drier than standing beside the bridge?”

“Why are you even in the vicinity of a bridge?” Will's voice grew concerned. “You weren't going to do anything stupid, were you?”

“What? Christ, no – I just left and started walking.”

“And ended up under a bridge.”

“Yes.”

Merlin hesitated.

“Are you going to be alright?”

Merlin rubbed his face. “I don't know.” Merlin paused, debating with himself, but the words were out of his mouth before he could control them. “I  _ have _ done something stupid, Will. I've been doing something really, really stupid for weeks.”

“I doubt you could do anything stupider than fucking Mordred, but go on, enlighten me.”

Merlin closed his eyes. “You know Arthur?”

“Arthur Pendragon? What about him?”

Merlin didn't say anything, but Will knew him too well and could read his silences like a book.

  
“Wait.  _ Arthur Pendragon?!  _ You're not. Fuck. Please tell me you're not fucking serious. Jesus fucking Christ.”

“I really hope there are no small children near you right now.”

“Holy shit, Merlin.”

“I know.”

“You're right, you have been doing something monumentally stupid. Literally.”

“Don't tell anyone, yeah?”

“Unlike some people, I can keep secrets. Look, you should go. Ring people and sort things out there. I'll deal with your Mum.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Will.”

“Are you sure you don't want me to come to London? I can get the train after I've seen to your Mum, it's no trouble.”

“Tell you what. If by some miracle I get through this week, you and Mum come see me in the final, yeah?”

“If, he says. _If._ If anyone can do it, it's you, idiot. But yeah, I'll see you soon then. Now, go sort things out.”

“Bye. And thanks again.”

Merlin could just hear Will mutter, “Arthur Pendragon. Holy fuck,” before he hung up.

Merlin looked at the water flowing past under the bridge for a minute more, then he gathered up all his courage and rang Arthur.

Arthur was just about to give up and start driving around the city randomly when his phone rang. He looked down, expecting to see his father's name on the screen, but he was shocked when he saw  _ Idiot _ flash up instead.

“Merlin. Thank god, I've been – we were so worried, Merlin. Where are you?”

Merlin's voice was uncertain.

“I'm sorry, Arthur, I didn't mean to-”

Arthur closed his eyes and rested his head on the steering wheel. “It's alright. We'll sort this out, okay? Everything will be okay. Where are you?”

“I'm, uh – I'm by the river. Beside the Tate?”

“Which one?”

“Modern. I don't know where the nearest tube station is-”

Arthur reached up and turned on his satnav. “It's alright. I'll come get you. That's beside the Globe, right?”

There was a pause while Merlin looked around. “Yeah.”

“There's a road on the other side of the theatre, near the stage door. I'll meet you there, alright? I'll get there as fast as I can.”

“Thanks, Arthur.” Merlin hung up.

Arthur looked at the phone for a moment before starting his car and speeding out of the garage. Merlin had sounded tired and worn out; Arthur couldn't blame him.

Twenty minutes and several broken traffic laws later, Arthur pulled into the little street. Merlin was pressed up against the wall next to a Starbucks, taking shelter from the rain. He ran towards Arthur's car as soon as it pulled up. Arthur finally felt the fear wrapped around his heart let go when Merlin got in and Arthur could survey him properly. He was soaking wet and shivering, but otherwise fine. Arthur ignored the water dripping from Merlin's clothes and wrapped his arms around him.

“Don't you ever disappear on me again,” he said. “I was so worried, I didn't know what had happened you. Please, don't do that to me.”

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” Merlin whispered. “I just saw, and I panicked, and I just wanted to get away from – I don't even know. I just wanted to get away from it somehow.”

Arthur separated himself from Merlin slightly, just enough to touch his face. There were drops of water on his cheeks and in his eyelashes, and Arthur couldn't tell if they were from rain or tears. He wiped them away anyway.

“When did you...”

“September,” said Merlin. “The night after the first results show. We all went out, remember?”

“The Rising Sun,” Arthur recalled.

“Yeah. I got drunk and didn't realise he was filming it.” He rubbed his hand across his face and Arthur noticed anger start to cloud Merlin's expression for the first time as he realised what a violation it really was. His fists clenched so Arthur took his hands and rubbed them until they relaxed again. 

“Sleeping with someone isn't a crime,” he said softly. “Recording it without their permission, on the other hand...”

Merlin closed his eyes and sagged back against the seat. “Christ,” he said, “what am I going to do?”

Arthur leaned forward and kissed him. “We will get everything sorted out,” he said into Merlin's mouth. “I promise.”

He sent a quick text to Gaius saying he'd found Merlin, and then they made their way to the studio, Arthur driving and Merlin looking out through the tinted windows at the city.

There were a lot of people outside the building, a lot more than was normal. Arthur felt Merlin tense at the sight, knowing that all the increased activity was because of him, so he reached out with his left hand and patted his knee in reassurance.

“We will get this sorted,” he said again. Merlin just nodded mutely. Arthur steered his car around the crowds and into the private car park beneath the building. 

He was about to get out of the car when he heard Merlin whisper something.

“You shouldn't have saved me,” he said. “On Sunday. It should have been me going home, not Mordred. You chose wrong.”

Arthur closed the car door, gently. He sighed, and wrapped Merlin in his arms again.

“No,” he put two fingers beneath Merlin's chin and tilted his head up so Merlin was looking into his eyes. “I didn't choose wrong. Your song, Merlin... it was something else. It was amazing. I don't know how you managed it, but you did. Your performance on Sunday was leagues ahead of his.”

“You said you took everything into consideration, Arthur. You can't say – you can't say that us being us wasn't a factor in your decision.”

“I'm not saying it wasn't,” replied Arthur carefully. “but even if we weren't _us_ , my decision would be the same. You deserve to be in the semi-final more than he did. And recent events would seem to prove my point.”

Merlin shifted and pressed his face into Arthur's chest.

“You told me a while back,” Arthur continued, “that you knew I was always honest with you. That hasn't changed.”

Slowly, Merlin nodded.

“Come on,” said Arthur after a few minutes. “We should go in.”

He took Merlin up to the wardrobe department first, so he could change into something that wasn't soaking wet. Merlin was then summoned into the first of several very awkward meetings with Uther, Gaius, and a range of stone-faced legal experts and PR spokespeople. Arthur made sure he was never too far away – he slipped out a few times to make sure KnightVision were staying on their toes, but they were too worried about Merlin to concentrate properly. Arthur couldn't really blame them.

Lancelot came and asked him questions, too, as he couldn't get in contact with either Merlin or Gaius as they were secreted away drafting press releases and conducting damage control.

He looked at Arthur earnestly. “Is Merlin alright?”

Arthur couldn't resist looking back in the direction of Uther's office. Merlin had given him half a smile just before he left, and his expression had been gradually transforming over the past few hours from angry resignation to quiet acceptance.

“I think he will be,” replied Arthur. 

“Good,” said Lance. “That's good. Er, you might want to go have a word with Gwaine. He keeps getting into arguments on twitter defending Merlin. You should probably calm him down before he's in the papers tomorrow too.”

Arthur rubbed his forehead.

A few hours later a release had been drafted and given to the press. Merlin's signature was at the bottom, but Arthur could tell that practically none of the other words were his.

_ Today, some video stills were printed in the  _ Daily Mail  _ along with my name. While I acknowledge that the person in the video is indeed myself, I am incredibly disappointed and hurt to have my privacy invaded in such a way by someone I trusted. There is no doubt that this video was sold with deliberate and malicious intent by someone who wished me harm. I wish to reiterate that my private affairs are mine only, and I am currently exploring my legal options. I thank everybody for their support during this time. Merlin Emrys. _

"I'll have him blacklisted," Arthur muttered darkly in his dressing room late that afternoon as they sat together on the sofa, more to himself than Merlin. "From everywhere. He'll be lucky to play Butlins, the fucker."

Merlin sniffed and wiped his face with his hand. "You don't need to do that."

"Yes, I do." He wrapped his arms around Merlin and Merlin buried his face in Arthur's shoulder. "What he did was totally unacceptable, and not just because he did it to you. He deserves everything that's coming to him. And," he continued, looking down at him, "I'm getting you a lawyer. No arguments."

Still buried in Arthur's shoulder, Merlin shook his head. It was minutes before he said anything else; so long Arthur thought that the emotional exhaustion of the day had taken its toll and he had gone to sleep.

"Thank you," said Merlin quietly.

Arthur kissed the top of his head and ran a hand up and down Merlin's back. "Go to sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't you have things to do? People to see?"

"They can wait."

Slowly Merlin's breathing slowed and evened out. They lay together on the sofa in Arthur's dressing room for hours.

It was late by the time Merlin got back to the house. He left so late partly because he was waiting for the last of the photographers outside to disappear, but he was also dreading confronting his friends. He knew he had nothing to be ashamed of, but he hadn't trusted his friends with his deepest secret. None of them had known about him and Mordred apart from Lancelot – and he had only found out by accident. He hadn't told any of them about his preferences. It wasn't that he had been afraid that they would behave differently around him, or be judgemental. He couldn't really explain his anxiety behind keeping it to himself. It had just been something he had hidden for so long he couldn't let it go until he was forced. The problem with secrets, he thought gloomily, was that often they ended up keeping you.

Everyone in the house was still up when Merlin arrived back. The atmosphere was the same as it normally was – Leon was attempting to cook in the kitchen with Elyan looking on and making comments, Percival and Gwaine were on the sofa comparing twitter follower counts and mentions (Gwaine had more followers, but Percival more mentions), and Lancelot was sitting at the piano, trying to teach it to Gwen. They all froze and looked up when he came in. He stopped in the doorway and gave them an awkward little wave.

“Hi?”

“Oh, _Merlin!”_ Gwen practically launched herself at him. “Oh, we were so worried about you. We didn't realise anything was wrong this morning until Arthur rang and Lance said you weren't here, and then the boys opened twitter and they'd all gotten lots of questions about everything and-”

“Let him breathe, Gwen.” Elyan appeared at Merlin's shoulder and attempted to detach his sister's arms from around Merlin's neck. He was unsuccessful and Gwen only clutched him tighter. “Seriously, he survived meeting with Uther Pendragon today and that's an accomplishment, so let's not asphyxiate him now, hm?”

Gwen's arms loosened only slightly. “Who was it who sent-?”

“Mordred,” he said. Everyone's jaw dropped.

“ _What?_ ” shouted Leon. Gwen's expression clouded with fury. Merlin had never seen her so angry before and the effect was terrifying. He made a mental note to never, _ever_ piss her off. Gwaine vaulted over the back of the sofa and made his way over to Merlin too.

“He better hope he never runs into me again,” he swore, “because I'll fucking kill him.”

Merlin shrugged and tried to smile. “You'll have to join the queue.”

Gwaine laughed, and then looking at Merlin grinned evilly.

“Group hug!” he declared, and then jumped on top of Merlin. He was soon joined by Lancelot and Percival and Leon and Elyan, and, in the middle of all his friends, Merlin finally let himself believe that everything really would be alright.

_ Guilty pleasures _ , thought Merlin the next day. What did that even mean, really? He had picked a song for the  _ music idols  _ theme and spent the day rehearsing that, but he knew he really needed to have another song ready for the next morning. He lay back on the sofa in Arthur's flat. There had been nobody at the house - Gwen and Lance had gone on a date somewhere, and Gwaine had dragged the rest of KnightVision out for the evening. It would have just been him in the house, and he didn't feel like being alone. So he went home with Arthur that evening, both of them taking care that they weren't seen heading down to the private garage together, slipping into the car when nobody was looking.

It was nice, Merlin thought, just the two of them. Arthur puttered around the flat with his notebook and a pen, crossing things out and scribbling other things down in their place, occasionally looking up to watch Merlin watching him.

"Here," said Arthur finally. "Take a look at this, it's not working for me." He poked Merlin until Merlin sat up, and then sat down where Merlin's head had been. Merlin shuffled around a bit until he was comfortable again, and then lay back with his head on Arthur's lap. He held the notebook above him.

Arthur frowned in concentration. It was very attractive. "I can't make this line work. What can I rhyme with  _ Avalon _ ?"

Merlin looked at the words Arthur had already written and hummed the melody.  _ I want to stay with you in Avalon _ .

" _ London _ , maybe?"

"Hmm," Arthur stared at his Moleskine. All of Merlin's notebooks had been from Tesco's value range. " _ But we'll make do with London _ ", he sang softly. "I like it." He ran his free hand through Merlin's hair. 

Merlin hummed and closed his eyes. His hand slipped up and stroked the skin over Arthur's hipbone, unprotected where his shirt had ridden up slightly.

_ Guilty pleasure,  _ he thought again, and then an idea came to him. He smiled contentedly. He could start rehearsing it tomorrow. For now, however – he sat up and Arthur looked away from his notebook.

“Come here,” said Merlin, taking Arthur's notebook away with one hand and placing the other on the back of Arthur's neck. He drew Arthur's head forward towards his and Arthur came willingly. 

Arthur's lips were soft and perfect, and Merlin never wanted to leave them alone. He could spend the rest of his life here quite happily, just him and Arthur and kisses and fluttering touches. He would never get bored of touching Arthur. He pulled himself up and moved so that he was straddling Arthur, never breaking the seal of their mouths. Eventually he detached himself, and, chuckling at the expression on Arthur's face, began to get up. Arthur reached out, quick as anything, and grabbed his wrist.

“Where do you think you're going?” He raised an eyebrow. Merlin smirked at him before pressing one last kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

“Not very far.”

He dropped to his knees in front of Arthur, whose legs widened to give him access. Merlin looked up into Arthur's surprised face even as he began slowly unbuckling Arthur's belt and undoing his trousers. He felt Arthur's hand card carefully through his hair, the fingers of his other hand touch his cheek, then his mouth.

“You don't have to,” Arthur said, and Merlin rested his head on Arthur's knee and pouted up at him. 

“But what if I want to?” He pulled down Arthur's briefs, finally revealing his cock, which wasn't fully erect yet, but was most definitely interested in the proceedings. Merlin felt his mouth begin to water. He glanced back up at Arthur. “You wouldn't deny me, would you?”

“Fuck,” groaned Arthur. He tugged at Merlin's hair a bit harder. “You're going to be the death of me.”

“Probably,” Merlin agreed cheerfully, and then whatever remark Arthur was going to say back was swallowed up by a long moan as Merlin kissed his way down Arthur's shaft and back up again. He licked the head of Arthur's cock slowly, teasingly, seeing what noises he could draw out of Arthur and loving them all. He felt himself straining at his own jeans and reached down with one hand to adjust himself, the other still holding Arthur against his face as he became fully erect. The skin on Arthur's cock was thin and soft when he stroked it, and it smelled so deliciously of Arthur that Merlin needed more of it. He pressed his face in as deep as he could to Arthur's crotch, before pulling back.

“You smell so good.”

Arthur's face was flushed, his pupils huge and black. “Merlin,” he whined. “Please...”

Merlin felt huge and powerful, there between Arthur's legs. He had Arthur in the palm of his hand, could do whatever he liked to him. He took pity on him, and finally,  _ finally _ , sucked Arthur's cock into his mouth. He went down as far as he could, then back, then forward again, Arthur making wordless sounds of pleasure above him. He pulled back so just the head was still on his tongue, and sucked as hard as he could. 

“Oh, _fuck,_ Merlin...”. Arthur's hands tightened in Merlin's hair further still, like he was restraining himself from pushing and pulling and moving Merlin's head himself. Merlin wanted him to, to lose control so badly he couldn't resist just taking over. He tried to start up a rhythm, up and down with his tongue swirling to touch and taste as much of Arthur as he possibly could. He was so hard in his own trousers, but his hands had migrated to Arthur's legs, holding him down, and he didn't want to move them. 

He pulled back and off, and Arthur looked down, shocked at the sudden loss.

“What-”

“Fuck my mouth. Go on, I know you want to, please-”

Arthur closed his eyes tightly and then opened them again, as if to check that Merlin was really there and that he wasn't dreaming.

“Please,” Merlin said again, and then his mouth was back on Arthur's length, his jaw slack. He felt Arthur's hands grasp his hair tightly once again and tentatively move his head back and forth. Merlin moaned in encouragement, and Arthur started moving faster, fucking himself into Merlin's willing mouth. Merlin hummed as best he could with Arthur's cock halfway down his throat and listened to Arthur's reaction. Desperate now, he lifted his hands from Arthur (who barely noticed) and undid his jeans, taking himself in hand and pumping furiously. 

“I'm gonna-” was all the warning Merlin got before Arthur was coming. He swallowed what he could, because he wanted every little part of Arthur that he could possibly have, and only a few seconds later his own orgasm hit him. 

Merlin waited for Arthur to catch his breath before moving back up his body and kissing him again. Arthur was more passionate this time, desperate to draw every last taste of himself out of Merlin's mouth. He pressed his lips to Merlin's chin, his forehead, his jaw.

“I should go,” Merlin whispered eventually into the join of Arthur's shoulder and neck. His voice was hoarse. “It's getting late.”

Arthur sighed and Merlin could feel that there were words on the tip of his tongue. He waited, but Arthur swallowed them back down. He knew what Arthur wanted to say; he wanted to suggest it himself. That he stay the night, and that they wake up in the morning in bed, twined together. But it would be far too risky not to go back to the house. He would be missed if he didn't sleep in his own bed and he didn't want anybody to ask questions that he couldn't answer.

“I'll leave you back,” said Arthur. He paused. “In a minute.”

Arthur hardly saw Merlin on Thursday and Friday. He had missed so much practice time earlier in the week that Gaius had him working constantly, and Arthur himself was spending so much time instructing KnightVision that he hardly had time to seek Merlin out himself. They still exchanged text messages, but it didn't seem like nearly enough now. The events of Tuesday had cemented in Arthur's head the fact that he needed Merlin around; that without him the entire world felt off-kilter. It was less than two weeks until the show finished for the year, and Arthur didn't know if he was looking forward to the (slightly) relaxed media attention or the fact that he didn't know when he would be able to see Merlin again over Christmas.

Instead of dwelling on questions he didn't know the answers to, every spare minute he had he spent working on his own music. Here, too, Merlin had made himself known even when he wasn't there to distract Arthur physically. Arthur often asked Merlin for his opinion on lyrics or chords or whatever else he was working on, knowing he would be honest with him or suggest solutions to Arthur's problems that he wouldn't have thought of himself.

The rest of the week passed quickly, and in what felt like the blink of an eye it was Saturday night again and Arthur was back beside Morgana behind the massive screen in the centre of the stage, waiting for his cue.

“Thank God this week's nearly over,” he muttered to her. She raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow at him curiously.

“It's been a rough week,” she agreed. “For Merlin in particular. I do hope it doesn't affect his performance tonight.”

“I doubt it will,” said Arthur. “He's been working very hard. Everybody has.”

“Of course,” she said, but she gave him an odd look out of the corner of her eye and she fiddled with her black jumpsuit. It was relatively plain, for her, but the neckline cut down in a sharp V to her stomach and she'd paired it with neon-yellow high heels. The overall effect reminded Arthur of a giant highlighter pen.

“Thirty seconds until broadcast!” The director shouted from behind them somewhere. “That's thirty seconds! Everybody in position!”

“Have you seen his performances yet?” Morgana asked mildly.

Arthur shook his head. “I haven't had the chance. I don't even know what his guilty pleasure song is.”

Morgana smirked and Arthur looked at her strangely.

“I think you'll like it,” she said.

Arthur wanted to ask what she meant, but there came a shout behind him of “Ten seconds!” so ignored her remark.

The all too familiar theme music started once more and Arthur watched the opening credits play on his little screen. The giant X crashed its way into London, the lights went up, and Kilgarragh went on stage.

“Welcome,” he roared, “to the X-Factor semi-finals!”

The audience screamed back.

“This, ladies and gentlemen, is a very special week. This is the first week that there will be _no sing-off_! As of now, the judges have no more say in who stays and who goes. That means,” he raised a finger into the air, “that is is _even more_ important to vote this week. Every vote counts!”

It was less than a minute until the screen in front of Arthur moved out of the way, the smoke machines spat smoke out, and the judges made their way on to the stage.

Gwen was on first. Her 'guilty pleasure' song was Shania Twain's  _ Man! I Feel Like A Woman!  _ and Morgana had thoroughly outdone herself on the staging. Gwen was in a far shorter dress than she'd ever been put in before (as part of the show, anyway) and a small microphone clipped to it meant both of her arms were free. There was a flock of shirtless male dancers behind her, and Valiant had choreographed one hell of a dance routine to accompany her. She was extraordinary, not a note or foot wrong throughout the entire thing, and Arthur felt fully justified in joining the rest of the room in giving her a standing ovation when it was over. 

“Gwen,” Morgana declared. “That was downright _sexy_.”

(Indeed, in the green room Lancelot's eyes had nearly fallen out of his head while Merlin looked on with alarm. “Lance, are you alright? Breathe, mate!”)

Nimueh agreed. “That was utterly fantastic. And I loved the staging. You are one lucky woman!”

“That was supremely entertaining,” said Gaius. “It was so much fun! Great song choice, I loved it.”

“Gwen,” said Arthur, when they at last came to him. “That. Was. Flawless. I enjoyed every second of it. Gaius was right, it was so much fun.”

Gwen left the stage to rapturous applause.

There was an ad break after her, and Arthur took the opportunity to check his phone. No text messages. He tried not to feel disappointed.

KnightVision were on immediately after the break. Arthur had been looking forward to this immensely. The little clip didn't really give a hint of what was to come.

“We couldn't decide on a song for this,” Gwaine laughed onscreen.

“Yeah,” agreed Elyan, “It was really difficult. We all had our own ideas and favourite songs.”

“We did manage to come to a decision eventually, though.” Leon shrugged goodnaturedly.

The clip ended without giving anything more away. The lights came up and the four men were suddenly onstage, dressed in animal costumes and grinning like maniacs.

_Dog goes woof_  
 _Cat goes meow_  
 _Bird goes tweet_  
 _And mouse goes squeak_  


The audience started cheering as soon as they realised what the song was. They all knew it and sang along. Arthur hid a smile.

_But there's one sound_  
 _That no one knows_  
 _What does the fox say?_  


The music changed suddenly into something else very familiar, and Arthur could hear people in the audience gasp as they suddenly caught on.

_Never gonna give you up,_  
 _Never gonna let you down,_  
 _Never gonna turn around and desert you._  


And with that, KnightVision managed to RickRoll the millions of people watching. Arthur turned his head to see the reactions of his fellow judges – he and the band had worked hard to keep the twist a secret from everybody who didn't need to know about it to make it work. Arthur had done the arrangements himself – and it had been hellish to sort out. Gaius looked utterly bewildered, Nimueh had her hands over her mouth and was shaking with laughter, and Morgana had covered her face entirely.

“I can't believe you just did that,” she muttered to Arthur, as KnightVision switched back to Ylvis for the second verse. Arthur shrugged.

“It was their idea. I couldn't really say no.”

KnightVision finished the song to more wild applause and screams. When they finally fell quiet, everybody turned to look at Gaius.

Gaius opened his mouth then paused and closed it again. He swallowed. Eventually he said, “I am... utterly speechless at that.” The men on stage laughed. “That was madness,” said Gaius. “Utter madness, and possibly utter brilliance too.”

“I'm going to have to agree with Gaius,” said Nimueh. “It was bonkers, and it was brilliant. That will be hard to top, boys.”

“I can't believe you managed to keep that secret!” Morgana honestly sounded offended that she hadn't been let in on the joke. “You must have arranged it all yourselves, because it's not like Arthur to have a sense of humour.”

“Oi!” said Arthur, pretending to be offended, before he turned his attention back to his band. “I do wish to tell everyone listening, however, that it was indeed all their idea. The four of you really bring some adventure and light-heartedness to this competition, and I know you're capable of so much, and I really hope the public vote for you tonight so you can go on showing people just how good you are.”

KnightVision walked offstage to the screaming of their fans, and Kilgarragh came back on to introduce Lancelot. Lance had chosen Carly Rae Jepsen's  _ Call Me Maybe _ , and it was great to hear him do something a bit more fun and upbeat, because he hadn't done that in a while. He was very good at it, and received uniformly positive comments from all the judges, but Arthur wasn't sure he would stand out enough tonight.

There was another ad break before Merlin. Arthur checked his phone again. There were still no new texts. He knew rationally that he shouldn't have expected any, and that Merlin was probably running around frantically backstage with more than enough to be getting on with, never mind sending any text messages, but he still felt a pang of sadness when nothing appeared on his screen.

It was only a few minutes until the lights went down again and Kilgarragh came back onstage to introduce Merlin's clip. It noticeably contrasted in tone from everybody else's. The other acts had been focused on getting through to the final, how much it would mean to them. Merlin's addressed the issues he'd faced during the week. It started with a brief summary of what had happened, avoiding too many specifics. Merlin appeared in it with red eyes, like he'd been crying.

“I feel... betrayed.” His voice echoed throughout the room, everyone paying rapt attention. This would be the first time Merlin had said anything about the entire affair publicly, apart from the brief statement released on his behalf. “It sucks to have someone you consider a friend break your trust so badly, it really does.” 

Uther had sent a small crew to Merlin's little Welsh village to interview his mother. Hunith appeared, sitting in a cosy little kitchen.

“It was a shock,” she said, haltingly. “It still is, a bit. But I love Merlin, and I'll always be proud of him. He's done so well, and he's going to keep going, I know he is.”

Merlin flashed up again at the end.

“I am who I am,” he said. “And there's no changing that. And, well, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. This week has been challenging, yeah, but I've come out of this a stronger person.” He looked straight into the camera, and his face was determined.

When the lights came up on stage a few seconds later, Merlin was right there, holding his guitar, and he was smiling.

_I thought love was only true in fairytales,_  
 _Meant for someone else but not for me._  
 _Oh, love was out to get me_  
 _That's the way it seemed._  
 _Disappointment haunted all my dreams._  
 _Then I saw his face-_  
 _Now I'm a believer._  


Arthur caught the small change Merlin had made to the song. It was subtle, but it made a statement. Merlin caught Arthur's eye and winked. Arthur's grin spread slowly across his face.

_Not a trace_  
 _Of doubt in my mind,_ _I'm in love_

_I'm a believer_  
 _I couldn't leave_ him _if I tried._  


The audience really realised the pronoun change in the chorus, as it interrupted the rhyme structure of the song noticeably. There was a muttering, before everybody began cheering him on. Merlin didn't acknowledge the reaction he got from the audience beyond a slight turning up of his lips. Arthur couldn't stop smiling at him.

_I thought love was more or less a given thing_  
 _Seems the more I gave the less I got._  
 _What's the use in trying?_  
 _All you get is pain._  
 _When I needed sunshine I got rain._  


_Then I saw his face_  
 _Now I'm a believer_  
 _Not a trace of doubt in my mind_  
 _I'm in love._  
 _I'm a believer,_  
 _I couldn't leave him if I tried._  


Arthur had to wipe tears from his eyes (when he sincerely hoped no cameras were focused in on him, because crying at a Monkees song would be incredibly embarrassing) as Merlin finished. Merlin got the second standing ovation of the night, and the applause seemed to go on forever. He stood there with a disbelieving grin at the reaction he was getting. He made eye contact with Arthur again, and he raised his eyebrows.  _ Well?  _ Pride and happiness and other emotions filled Arthur's chest until he felt like he might explode from the glorious feeling of it.

The applause eventually ended, and Nimueh went first.

“Oh, Merlin,” she said, “Merlin, Merlin, Merlin – you have had such a tough week. Good on you for coming out here tonight, and you were just fantastic. I don't think you're leaving us this week, Merlin, not if you keep singing like that.”

Morgana spoke next. “You,” she pointed a manicured finger at Merlin, “are easily the bravest and strongest young man I've ever seen. Your mother should be very proud of you.” Merlin turned bright red. It was adorable. “And that performance was wonderful. I'm really looking forward to your next one later this evening.”

Gaius went third. His eyes were suspiciously wet as he regarded Merlin. “My boy, I am so proud of you,” he said. “You have an amazing voice, and an amazing work ethic, and amazing strength of character. I would be very, very surprised if you were to go home this weekend.”

And then it was Arthur's turn. He had tried, while the others were speaking, to think of what he could possibly say to Merlin now. He was sure that his emotions were showing on his face, making what he felt towards Merlin obvious to anyone to with eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

“Merlin,” he said eventually. “it took an awful lot of courage for you to come out here tonight at all, and I have to say,” he smiled up at him, “it just blew me away.”

Merlin's smile lit up the entire room.

Merlin had to rush backstage once he had finished. He wanted to take a few minutes to himself, but he had another song to prepare for first, and a very quick wardrobe change to complete. He quickly changed in the dressing room, and then ran back to the stage area again, just in time to catch Gwen coming off and KnightVision going back on (now sans animal costumes).

She grabbed him in a hug as soon as she caught sight of him.

“Oh, _Merlin_ , that was so wonderful. It was just lovely. You're definitely into the final now!” She poked him playfully. “Stop making the competition harder for the rest of us!”

He poked her back. “I was watching you during your performance, you know. There were at least twenty men on that stage with you. How on earth did you swing that?”

She laughed. “It was Morgana's idea,” she said, but she blushed. He raised his eyebrows at her.

“Uh-huh. I'm sure it was all Morgana's fault.”

She turned redder still. “Shh!” she giggled. “Go listen to the boys. They're really good at this one.”

She disappeared off, and Merlin watched KnightVision from one of the nearby screens while a makeup artist came over to fix where he'd smudged it changing.

The band had apparently unanimously agreed on The Beatles as their musical idols, so they were all on stage now, sat on tall stools, singing  _ Let it Be. _ Merlin knew Arthur would have wanted something as different as possible from their first song, and this one really showcased their voices. Eventually they finished (got great comments, again), and Lance was back on, this time with a piano.

 

_She can kill with a smile,_  
 _She can wound with her eyes,_  
 _She can ruin your faith with her casual lies._  
 _And she only reveals what she wants you to see._  
 _She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me._  


Merlin watched Lance's fingers dance across the keys. He was such a talented pianist, he thought. His voice suited the song, too. Gaius had wanted him to sing  _ Piano Man  _ once more when Lance had told him his idol was Billy Joel, but Lance had insisted on  _ She's Always a Woman _ . It was his favourite song, and it showed in the practised way he performed it. Even Morgana's eyes looked a little watery by the end. Merlin couldn't pay enough attention to listen to what the judges had to say to him, though – he was too focused on his second song. 

The lights went down again and Lancelot was rushed by him on the way backstage, only able to give Merlin a quick pat on the shoulder and a shout of “Good Luck!” before Merlin was back on the stage once more. He had no guitar for this song. It was just him and the microphone and the music. The lights dawned on him, and Merlin began.

_When you're weary, feeling small,_  
 _When tears are in your eyes._  
 _I will dry them all_  
 _Oh, I'm on your side_  
 _Oh, when times get rough_  
 _and friends just can't be found_  
 _Like a bridge over troubled water,_  
 _I will lay me down._  
 _Like a bridge over troubled water,_  
 _I will lay me down._  


There had been no competition when it had come down to choosing a  _ musical idols  _ song. It had been obvious to him as soon as he had given it any real thought. Simon and Garfunkel had gotten him through to the judges' house stage, and hopefully they would get him through to the final. He received great comments again, and then Kilgarragh was back on stage to end the show.

Merlin and the others watched him from the green room as the recap of all their performances played. Merlin couldn't believe how confident he had looked during  _ I'm a Believer _ – because he hadn't felt that confident going on. It was only when he started that the nerves knocking his knees together finally faded. He forgot he was making a statement, he forgot that he was finally announcing to the world at large that  _ this was who he was _ – and he just sang. Every word of it had been true – he was in love, with Arthur.

Aithusa came round and perkily interviewed them all, and then they were free to go home.

The atmosphere in the house that night was bittersweet. Normally a few of them would go out somewhere, to a pub or the cinema or a nightclub, but that night the seven of them stayed in, with takeaway pizza and beer Gwaine and Leon had treated them to from the off-license and a DVD, and they tried not to think about how this would be their last night together.

They were back in the studio early Sunday morning to practice their group performance – this week it was  _ Summer of '69 _ . It was the first Sunday in weeks that there was some free time left over, as they didn't have to prepare for the sing-off and were well used to working together by then, so Arthur had somehow convinced Uther to spring for a nice dinner out before the show. 

Arthur had taken the seat beside Merlin and spent most of the meal apparently ignoring him and arguing with Morgana instead, but Merlin could feel the weight of his knee pressing against his own and knew that Arthur didn't need words to make his feelings known.

It all felt so  _ final _ to Merlin, despite not being the actual final quite yet. Every moment they spent together seemed tinged with the knowledge that this would be the last weekend where the bizarre routine they had settled into remained the same. He couldn't help but look at everybody, at all of these people that he had never met until a few months ago, and know that he would miss all of them. It was silly, he told himself, because they were friends now, and friends saw each other all the time, but the lack of certainty bothered him. Arthur seemed to pick up on his mood. 

“Are you alright?” he asked quietly, when Morgana had turned to argue with Gaius instead and Gwen, beside Merlin, was deep in conversation with Lance. 

“Yeah,” said Merlin, and he slipped his hand under the table and squeezed Arthur's leg gently. 

They had to hurry back to the studio afterwards and head right into makeup, then wardrobe, and all of a sudden it was eight and they were all on stage again, belting out Bryan Adams as best they could.

The special guest that evening was Rihanna, who sang several of her well-known songs along with a new single, but Merlin was too anxious to be star-struck, or even to pay much attention to her. Though, he did listen to the short interview Kilgarragh gave her after her performance.

“Who do you want to see win?” he asked her.

“Well, I think everybody's great,” she said. “But I've been following all the stuff that happened during the week on twitter, and I gotta say, I'm rooting for Merlin now.”

“I'm sure he'll be delighted to hear that,” Kilgarragh grinned menacingly. “And your new album is out when, again?”

Merlin entirely missed her answer because he was too busy having Gwen make high-pitched noises of happiness at him, but he promised himself he'd buy her album in thanks anyway, whenever it came out.

Long after the votes had closed and there had been several more ad breaks, it was finally time to find out who was going through to the final.

“The first act through to next week is...” Kilgarragh took a deep breath, and then another, and then, “Merlin Emrys!”

Merlin had been told several times, by nearly everyone, that he was going to get through, but hearing his name was still a complete surprise to him. He squeezed Gaius and Lance tight, accepted their congratulations, and walked offstage in a state of shock.

He watched on one of the screens backstage as Kilgarragh called out Gwen's name next, and she soon joined him, one hand clutching his and the other pressed tight to her mouth. It was down to either KnightVision or Lance.

“The final act through to the X-Factor final,” said Kilgarragh, “is... _KnightVision!_ ” 

Gwen's face crumpled, even as Arthur and his band celebrated on stage. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve as she tried to pretend she wasn't upset.

“It's not that I'm not happy for them,” she whispered to Merlin as KnightVision made their way offstage. “It's just, it'll be so odd now, without Lance-”

Merlin wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her tight. “Hush,” he said, “it's not as if he'll disappear on us now. He'll be around for the final next week, everybody will. And besides, he'll have a record contract within the month. We probably all will, one way or the other.”

“You're right,” she sniffled, “I'm being silly.”

“No, you're not. It will be odd. But there's only a week left.”

“Yeah,” she said, and stood up straight and wiped her face. She smiled at him. “Isn't it so strange to think that this will all be over in a week?”

Merlin couldn't really bring himself to smile back.

 


	12. Final

Merlin's first night alone in the bedroom felt peculiar. He was fairly certain Lance hadn't actually left the house that night (not least because he was up and eating breakfast with them the next morning), but instead had slept in Gwen's room with her.

When they got to the studio, the three remaining mentors met them in one of the rehearsal rooms.

“There's not really any point doing anything separately any more,” Arthur said to them. “It'll just waste time, and believe me when I say we have more than enough to do. Each of you will be preparing five performances, including a group performance with everybody who got through to the live finals-”

“Everybody?” Merlin interrupted Arthur, brow furrowed. 

“Everybody minus one,” Arthur clarified. “You also need to record winner's singles during the week – we're deciding on those today, and you'll be in a recording studio tomorrow to record them. Wednesday everybody will be travelling to their hometowns with their mentor for a reception and performance. So, that only really leaves us with today, Thursday, Friday, and possibly Saturday morning to get everything ready.” He looked up at them. “Good luck.”

“Our performances,” Gwen said, “what are they going to be?”

“Good question.” Gaius answered instead of Arthur. “Saturday you'll be doing two performances each. One's going to be with a special guest-”

“Ooh, who?” Gwaine interrupted. Arthur glared at him. 

“We'll get to that in a minute,” Gaius replied. “After that, you'll be doing a Christmas-themed song. On Saturday night one of you will be eliminated, and the last two will sing two more songs on Sunday – your winner's single, and your favourite song of the series so far.”

Merlin very briefly made eye contact with Arthur, who coloured very slightly and looked away. He knew what  _ his _ favourite performance of the series had been.

“Our winner's singles,” said Merlin. “Are we not all going to have the same one, then?”

“No,” said Arthur. “Uther decided that you're all different enough musicians that you'll need different winner's singles. Unfortunately, you don't actually get any say in what yours is. He's picking.”

“Now,” Morgana continued where Gaius had left off. “Your special guests have been arranged. Guys,” she addressed KnightVision, “you're going to be singing with Take That-”

“Not bad!” said Elyan, and Morgana gave him a dangerous look for interrupting her, until he apologised. 

“Gwen, you'll be singing a duet with Beyoncé.” Gwen made a high-pitched noise and clapped her hands over her mouth. 

“And Merlin.” Morgana finally turned to him. “You're going to be singing with Bruce Springsteen.”

“What?!” Merlin's voice also came out alarmingly high-pitched. Arthur snickered at him, and Gwaine reached over and gave him an appreciative thump on the back. 

“The Boss! Nice one!”

“You won't be able to work on those until Friday at the earliest,” said Arthur firmly. “And we've got lots of work to do between now and then. First things first – favourite Christmas songs?”

“Fairytale of New York!” Merlin and Gwen both said at the same time, before giving each other surprised looks.

“You can do it, Gwen, I don't mind-”

“Don't be silly, you'd probably be better at it anyway!”

“It _is_ a duet,” Morgana said to Arthur, who looked speculative.

“That could work,” he said. “I'd have to run it by Uther first, but I don't really see any problems.”

Gwen turned to Merlin. “Oh, we'll finally get to sing together!” Merlin couldn't help but smile back at her.

Arthur turned to his band. “What about you lot?”

“You know, I've always been a fan of _Have A Cheeky Christmas_ -”

“No, Gwaine. Any other suggestions?”

After a brief discussion of the merits of Slade vs. Wizzard, they decided on  _ Merry Christmas Everybody _ . 

Arthur glanced at his watch. “Right, favourite performances you've done so far?”

“What about-”

“No Rick Astley.” Morgana cut off Gwaine before he could even suggest it, and his grin turned into a pout.

“You're no fun.” Morgana glared at him. She was very scary when she was annoyed, and Gwaine paled. “I take it back!”

Eventually KnightVision decided on  _ We Will Rock You _ , Gwen on  _ Somewhere Over The Rainbow _ , and when Morgana finally turned to Merlin, well, there was really no competition. 

“I'll do _Hey Hey, My My_ ,” he said. 

“Have you got the winner's singles finalised yet?” Arthur asked as he walked through the doors of Uther's office. “I want to get them ready as soon-”

“Sit down, Arthur.” Arthur looked at him, confused, but he sat in the chair opposite his father. On the desk between them was an open laptop. Uther passed him a piece of paper. Arthur scanned it, one song in particular jumping out at him.

“You've given Merlin an Elton John song? He won't like that very much-”

“You would know what Merlin likes, wouldn't you?”

Arthur looked up, bewildered. “What do you mean?”

The look Uther gave him in return made the hairs on the back of his neck rise and an involuntary shiver run down his spine. Surely Uther couldn't mean-?

Uther leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk and interlacing his fingers together. “I mean that you have not been as discreet as you think.”

Arthur felt the blood drain from his face. _No, no, no_ , he thought. _He can't know. How can he know?!_ They had been so careful about how they appeared in public, only ever daring to be themselves in private. It had been so difficult to not treat Merlin like any of his past relationships, but it had been worth it. And now – Uther knew. It felt like the floor has disappeared from underneath him.

“I cannot _believe_ you would be so careless!” Uther did not shout, but his tone was dangerous. “The scandal you would cause – whatever affair you're carrying on with Emrys – it ends now.”

Arthur finally found his voice. “No.”

“No?” Uther raised an eyebrow at him. “I was not asking.”

“And I'm telling you no.” Arthur stood his ground. It didn't matter what Uther said, he wasn't going to leave Merlin. 

“I'm going to offer you a deal,” he said, his face cold and stern. “I suggest you strongly consider it.”

It was an hour later that Gaius came to Merlin with the song he'd be releasing if he won. He stared at Gaius in shock.

“Elton John?! You do remember how well that went before, right?”

“Different song. This one is a much better fit for you – frankly, we should have thought of it earlier.”

_ Electricity _ . Merlin knew the song well, he'd always liked  _ Billy Elliot _ , but he'd never attempted to sing it before. 

“Have some faith in yourself, Merlin. And in Uther Pendragon. He does actually know what he's doing, you know.”

“And you're absolutely certain I get no say in this?”

“None at all.”

Merlin sighed. “I'd better go see Mary.”

After a few hours with the vocal coach, Merlin was starting to see the wisdom in Uther's choice. He still didn't like it – it didn't feel like it  _ fit _ him, but there was nothing that could be done about it. And, he told himself, odds were that he wouldn't win to release it as a single anyway. He recorded it in a few hours the next day, and spent the rest of the afternoon going over  _ Hey Hey _ . 

It was a  _ very  _ early start for him, Gaius, and several crew members the next morning.

“My dear boy,” said Gaius, “could you not possibly have lived somewhere closer? Or possibly nearer a motorway?”

“It could be worse,” Merlin shrugged. “I could have been Scottish.”

“True.”

“Or you could be Arthur.” Arthur had had to travel to Dublin with Gwaine the evening before and have his town performance then. He was flying back that morning to Birmingham to film with Percival, before heading to Cambridge in the afternoon for Leon. Elyan and Gwen got to stay in London with Morgana, who was dealing with both of them. 

When they did arrive in Ealdor nearly four hours later, Merlin was blown away by the welcome back he received. Nearly every inch of the small town had been plastered in posters of his face, and every shop window had some variation of “Vote for Merlin!” painted across it. There had been a stage set up for him in the village square, and practically every single person in the village turned up to hear him. He sang his original audition song for them, because it seemed appropriate to remind himself and them of where he'd started out, and then tearfully thanked everybody for their support. 

He got to spend a few hours at home and see his Mum and Will for the first time in months. After spending so long in London, Ealdor felt strange – like there was suddenly too much sky above him, the buildings too small to cover much of it. He didn't realise just how much he had missed home until he was back in his little bedroom, a fraction of the size of the one he'd shared in the Kensington house. It was full of reminders of his childhood, and of the person that he used to be. He hadn't known just how much the X-Factor had changed him until he sat on the little bed and looked up at the posters he had on the wall – one was, hilariously, of Arthur as he was just before he released his first album. He had been so much younger looking then, compared to now. He smiled at the poster. Some things definitely got better with age. 

He had a tearful goodbye with his Mum and Will before he and Gaius started the long journey back to London.

“I'll see you on Saturday!” he said. She hugged him so tightly it took his breath away. 

“I love you, _cariad_ ,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes. “I'm so proud of you.”

Will, thankfully, didn't cry quite as much. He did give him another tight squeeze, though.

“I'll see you on Saturday, yeah? Good Luck!”

And then Merlin and Gaius were away.

He finally saw Arthur again on Thursday morning, when he went as usual to Arthur's dressing room before anybody else got in. They hadn't exchanged any texts in a few days, which was out of the ordinary for them, but Merlin just put it down to them being too busy. That was until he saw Arthur's expression. He was sitting on his couch, staring out the window like he wasn't seeing anything at all.

“What's wrong?” he asked, shutting the door carefully behind him. Arthur looked pale and drawn and tired. “Long day yesterday?”

Arthur only nodded, and that got Merlin worried. He sat down next to him. It was a few minutes until Arthur spoke.

“Uther knows.”

Merlin looked at him, baffled. “Uther knows what?”

“About this. About _us.”_

_ Shit, _ thought Merlin. Then, “How?”

“There's no security cameras in here,” said Arthur, “but there are in the corridor.”

Uther had shown Arthur the videos, he said – there was nothing explicitly odd about Merlin coming to see him once or twice, but the frequency that they'd met in the dressing room – twice a day, nearly every day – the implication had been obvious. Fuck, they had been so foolish.

“What did he say?” Merlin was nearly afraid to ask.

“He said we need to end it,” Arthur said, looking sick.

“Or?”

Arthur swallowed. Merlin watched the bob of his Adam's apple. He didn't say anything.

“He can't out us, can he? He doesn't actually have any proof.”

“He wouldn't need proof, really. Just a few phone calls to the right people. But that's not what he threatened, anyway.”

“What did he threaten, then?”

“Our careers,” Arthur said. “My record contract's with him, and if you win, yours will be, too.”

Merlin scrubbed a hand across his face. “What do we do, then?”

Arthur was silent.

“No, Arthur- we can't just _let_ him-!”

“I have no intention of letting him do anything!” Arthur raised his voice for the first time, then realised where they were and spoke quietly again. His voice wavered. “I can't give you up, Merlin.”

Merlin reached out to touch him, and Arthur came in close. They sat facing each other, and Merlin raised his hand to brush a few strands of Arthur's hair back behind his ear.

“Good,” he said, “because I don't have the slightest intention of being given up.”

The corner of Arthur's mouth twitched in an almost-smile, and Merlin couldn't resist. He leaned forwards just that bit more and kissed the corner of Arthur's mouth. Arthur moved his head just so, and suddenly he was kissing back, fierce and determined.

Merlin pulled back.

“I love you,” he said. 

Arthur stared at him, then smirked.  
  


“I know.”

Merlin hit him. “You bastard!” he said. “You are not  _ nearly _ as cool as Han Solo. You don't get to say that line.”

Arthur burst out laughing.

“You really are an asshole,” said Merlin, but he couldn't keep a straight face either and started to giggle. 

“Yep,” agreed Arthur. And then: “I love you too, idiot.”

Merlin smiled and rested his head on Arthur's shoulder, because it was there, and he knew from experience it was comfortable.

“What are we going to do?”

Arthur pulled Merlin closer to him. “I have an idea.”

This week, Saturday came slowly. Every day dragged on and on, despite the fact Merlin was busier than he had ever been.

Eventually, the final came. The show opened at eight with the group performance on the Saturday this time – and featured the return of everybody except Mordred, who had been banned from anything even vaguely associated with the X-Factor for life. It had been lovely to see everybody again, especially Freya, who had been delighted that he'd gotten to the final.

Gwen performed her duet with Beyoncé first, looking like all her dreams had come true at once. They sang  _ Halo _ , and Merlin was so impressed with Gwen. After all, not everybody could hold their own on stage with  _ Beyoncé. _

Merlin had been on next.

_In the day we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream_  
 _At night we ride through the mansions of glory in suicide machines_  
 _Sprung from cages on highway nine,_  
 _Chrome wheeled, fuel injected ,and steppin' out over the line-_  
 _Oh, Baby this town rips the bones from your back._  
 _It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap._  
 _We gotta get out while we're young_  
 _`Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run._  


And then he turned to the audience and said a sentence that he never thought would ever come out of his mouth - “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage  _ Bruce Springsteen! _ ” He spent the rest of the song fairly sure that he was making the exact same expression that Gwen had made. It ended far too soon, and when Kilgarragh came out onto the stage when they had finished, Merlin was pretty sure that no moment in his life would ever top this. 

“Merlin is an incredibly talented young man,”  _ Bruce Springsteen _ had said about him, “And I'm sure I'm gonna hear a lot more from him in the future.” And then when they got offstage he had given Merlin a  _ hug _ and  _ wished him luck _ and nope, it was never going to get better than this. He sent Arthur a text message consisting solely of about twenty exclamation marks during the next ad break and heard Arthur's snort of laughter from backstage before he ran to get ready for the next performance. 

KnightVision seemed to cope better with Gary Barlow than Merlin had with Springsteen, and their version of  _ Back For Good _ went down very well.

After that, Merlin and Gwen were on together for the first of the Christmas songs. Merlin had been so surprised to realise that it was only two weeks until Christmas, and it hadn't felt like Advent until he and Gwen had started practising their song.  _ Fairytale of New York  _ was always so fun to sing anyway that singing it with Gwen, who had become so good a friend to him was one of his favourite performances of the entire series (although second of course to  _ Bruce Springsteen! _ He really was never going to get over that). They finished hand in hand to a standing ovation, and through the happiness he felt his heart clench at the thought that that could have been his very last performance on the X-Factor stage. 

After KnightVision had performed their Christmas song (complete in matching Santa hats), another special guest (OneRepublic) and several more ad breaks, it was time to find out who would be going through to the next night. The six of them stood together as a group instead of separately with their mentors, and Kilgarragh slowly revealed that KnightVision had received the fewest votes of the night.

They didn't look too disappointed in the decision and hugged and congratulated Merlin and Gwen (Gwaine particularly enthusiastically), and it took a long minute for Merlin to realise that  _ he was through to the final night.  _

The house was buzzing that night. Nearly all of the contestants had come back to it, including Freya, who he hadn't seen for several weeks until the rehearsals for the group performance that morning. She hugged him close. 

“I told you that you would do well! You should have listened to me!” She grinned up at him and poked him playfully.

Merlin laughed. “I'll not make that mistake again.”

She took a step back and surveyed him. “You look good,” she said. “Freer, or something. After all that happened you, you look happy. It suits you.”

He grinned at her, but they didn't get to talk for much longer. Merlin was swept away by Gwaine and Freya by Elena and Gwen. 

He spent most of Sunday with his Mum and Will, showing them around the studio and his dressing room and introducing them to Arthur after they ran into him in a corridor. Arthur was a perfect gentleman to them and Hunith was a bit starstruck, but Will spent their entire time together glaring at him.

Merlin received a text a few minutes after they'd left Arthur.

_I don't think your friend likes me very much._

Merlin quickly texted back before his Mum could notice and complain.

_Nobody does :P._

_Love you too, idiot._

All too soon, he had to leave his Mum and Will with one of the PA's about the place who would show them to their seats, and head backstage to get ready.  _  
_

He was on first with his  _ favourite song of the series _ , and while he wasn't dressed the same as he was on Halloween, he did insist on eyeliner. 

His performance went better than it had the first time he sang Neil Young in October, if only because he could look at Arthur right in front of him and know  _ exactly _ the effect the song had on him. 

After Gwen had dazzled everybody with  _ Somewhere Over the Rainbow _ and an ad break, it was time for the first of that night's special guests. Merlin watched Lady Gaga sing  _ Born This Way  _ from the green room with a cup of tea, and reflected quietly to himself that his life was both absolutely brilliant and totally bizarre.

Then it was time for the potential winner's singles to be revealed. Merlin was on first again, singing Elton John once more, but he was far more confident this time around. 

_I can't really explain it, I haven't got the words_  
 _It's a feeling that you can't control._  
 _I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are,_  
 _And at the same time something makes you whole._  
 _It's like that there's a music playing in your ear,_  
 _And I'm listening and I'm listening and then I disappear._  
 _And then I feel a change, like a fire deep inside._  
 _Something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide_  
 _And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird_  
 _Like electricity, electricity_  
 _Sparks inside of me and I'm free, I am free._  


From the stage, Merlin watched Arthur watch him, took in the expression on his face, and his heart swelled. He mightn't win this, but he would always have Arthur.

“The winner of the X-Factor is...” 

Merlin grasped Gaius' hand tightly. He couldn't actually believe he was here, that he had somehow managed to get this far, that the journey would finally end now. He caught Gwen's eye on the other side of the stage and sent her a small smile. She smiled nervously back.

Merlin looked away from her. His eyes caught Arthur, still at the judge's table, watching Merlin intently. Merlin forced his gaze past him, to the part of the audience were he knew his Mum and Will were sitting. He couldn't see them past all the lights, the audience were just a blur, but he knew they were out there. He could picture the expression on his mother's face, how tightly she must be clutching Will's hand. His eyes flicked back to Kilgarragh, who was drawing out the pause as much as he possibly could. Merlin took a deep breath.

“Gwen Smith!”

Merlin heard Gwen's scream of shock before what Kilgarragh had said really registered with him. As soon as it sank in, he let go of Gaius and pulled Gwen into a massive hug.

“Congratulations,” he whispered into her ear. “Nobody deserves it more than you do,” and he was surprised to discover that he really meant it. 

Later that night, Arthur went to Uther's office. He was still in, as Arthur knew he would be.

“Well?” said Uther. “Have you come to a decision?”

“Yes,” said Arthur. “I'm leaving the record company.”

“You'll regret this.”

“No,” said Arthur, “I really don't think I will.”

 


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally at the end! If you want to listen to the songs that Merlin and Gwen sang, you can find their respective playlists on spotify [here](https://play.spotify.com/user/ayemque/playlist/3qTZY5izLemN5zMauENw2c) and [here](https://play.spotify.com/user/ayemque/playlist/2cQQ6NJS5qQ8EDYWD0l3We). 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Nothing at all had changed in the studios since Merlin had left nearly two years ago. Everything was the same, from the colourful pictures in the cafeteria to the carpet in Arthur's dressing room to the excitement of the audience as they shuffled in for the results show. Merlin was already in his seat in the audience, in the VIP section directly behind the judges. Gwen sat next to him. She was tearing the label off a water bottle and shredding it into tiny little pieces.

“Stop that,” said Merlin. 

“I can't help it,” Gwen whispered fiercely. 

“It's not as if he's never been up there before.” Merlin rolled his eyes at her.

“I _know_ that,” she glared at him but her expression softened nearly immediately. “It's just, he was so nervous earlier. It's not like him, and it got me worried too.”

Merlin couldn't tell her that the reason for Lancelot's uncharacteristic nervousness actually had very little to do with the fact he was performing his new single live on the X-Factor stage for the first time, as the special guest for the show that night. Merlin was probably more nervous about that fact that Lance was - after all, Merlin had written the song for him, and this was the very first time anybody outside Round Table Records would hear it. It hadn't even leaked online yet.

The audience were finally all seated at a quarter to eight and the familiar nervous hum of energy brought Merlin back to all the time he had spent here. It felt so long ago now, and he had come so far since then. He'd released an album with Arthur's new record label and it had done very well. Arthur's newest album, on which Merlin had written two of the songs and co-written three others with Arthur, had done even better and was about to go double-platinum.

The lights went down and the audience buzz rose, before sharply cutting off when the theme music began to play. The opening credits played over all the screens on stage and Merlin felt the anticipation rise within him.

The massive screen in the centre of the stage split in two and Kilgarragh strolled out through them. He hadn't changed at all either, another fixed point in the universe that time just seemed to flow around.

Merlin had never actually watched it all from this vantage point before – it had always been from either backstage or from a screen, and the way Kilgarragh could hypnotise the crowd didn't translate well to either of those viewing points. He had the complete attention of everybody in the room.

Kilgarragh paused once he reached the very centre of the stage.

“Welcome, everybody, to the X-Factor semi-final results show!”

Merlin was slightly insulated from the rest of the audience but the atmosphere still reached them in their little section. He grinned at Gwen, who couldn't help but smile back. The excitement was contagious.

Kilgarragh continued, “We have an amazing show for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen. We have a group song from all of our exceptionally talented semi-finalists coming up very shortly, followed by an exclusive and  _ very special _ performance from one of our past contestants – who's excited for  _ Lancelot DuLac?! _ ”

The audience cheered again and Gwen applauded madly. Kilgarragh silenced them all after a few moments with a raised hand.

“But first,” he growled, “welcome back the scariest people on TV – the _X-Factor judges!_ ”

The screen that Kilgarragh had emerged from opened again, and four people stepped out. The distinctive opening notes of Led Zeppelin's  _ Kashmir _ played as they made their way to the middle of the stage. Merlin's eyes, as always, were drawn to Arthur first. He looked very nearly the same as he had two years ago, but Merlin knew just how much had changed. He could see what nobody else could – how Arthur stood straighter and smiled brighter now. 

Gaius too looked unchanged. He waved pleasantly at the audience.

Morgana, next to Arthur, looked fiercer than ever. Her dress tonight was white and pastel pink, demure in colour but not in the cut or shape.

Nimueh had left after only two years on the show, and her replacement was Catrina, an older, no-nonsense lady who had managed several of the biggest rock bands of the last few decades, and married and divorced the lead singers of most of them.

They took their seats and Merlin had such a wonderful view of Arthur's profile from where he was sitting he quite missed Kilgarragh's plea for votes and the recap of the previous night's performances. Halfway through them, Arthur turned his head slightly to catch Merlin's eye. He noticed him staring and gave him a wink before looking back. Merlin bit his lip trying not to smile.

Gwen elbowed him. “Stop being adorable and pay attention.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows. “You're one to talk,” he whispered, and stifled a laugh as she ducked her head and blushed.

“Hush,” she said. “Look, they're about to start.”

Merlin surveyed the four acts remaining in the competition as they sang. Arthur's group this year was the girls, and there was two of them left. They were both good, but neither of them were even half the singer Gwen was. Along with them were one group and one of the boys. They all looked so young to Merlin.

Eventually they finished their (not too bad, actually) cover of  _ Video Killed the Radio Star  _ to wild applause, and walked off stage.

Kilgarragh rambled some more about votes, and then went to an ad break. Merlin's eyes immediately went back to Arthur, who raised his eyebrows at him.  _ Well? _

Merlin tried to make an  _ I'm not impressed _ face back, complete with a half-shrug of indifference, but the overall effect was ruined by the fact he couldn't keep a straight face. Arthur rolled his eyes in reply and Merlin could read the thoughts on his mind as easily if he'd said them out loud.  _ Why do I put up with you? _

Gwen nudged him again. “Stop messing around – it's nearly time! Look!”

The lights went down again on the audience and Kilgarragh came back on stage.

“We have a very special guest tonight,” he said, and cast a brief but very knowing glance down to where Merlin and Gwen were sitting. “With the first-ever live performance of his new single, we welcome back to the X-Factor stage _Lancelot DuLac!_ ”

The audience roared, and a video began to play on screen while people in black ran about the stage, preparing Lance's piano and the microphones and everything else. The video wasn't long, but it showed the highlights of Lance's time on the X-Factor and his successes since- and it was quite an impressive, if short, list. His first album had made it to the top five, and all three of the singles from it had made the top twenty – his last single going to number one. They had all done well (KnightVision especially, who were currently touring with One Direction), but Merlin was particularly proud of Lance.

The video ended, and Lance started to play. His voice was soft, soulful, and full of emotion.

_I think that you're unconquerable,_  
 _and I love you because it's final_  
 _And we're bound together for the test of time._  
 _So in this song I write my memories_  
 _So if I forget to say, you'll still see_  
 _that my love for you is always in its prime._  


_I may make mistakes sometimes_  
 _Mess up my rhythm and my rhymes_  
 _But I've got enough love for all my life_  
 _and I hope I'll spend all of it with you_  
 _Because even if I do or not,_  
 _I'll always be the one who caught_  
 _Your eye, over everybody else._  


_And if it all goes awry,_  
 _And our love one day does come and die_  
 _You can look back on these words_  
 _And know that it was real._  
 _And like a sword,_  
 _So they can hurt, but they can heal._  
 _And with them, we will be unconquerable._  
 _Together, we will be unconquerable._  


Merlin felt his eyes well up, and he tried his best to wipe them subtly. This was his song, his words, and nobody else could have done them justice as well as Lancelot just had. Merlin knew that Lance was singing to Gwen, but Merlin had written it for Arthur.

The song ended, but the musicians behind Lancelot kept going. Lance stood up and walked towards the judges' table, taking his microphone with him.

“What is he doing?!” Gwen muttered, staring at him. “Where is he going?” She looked around wildly and her gaze landed on Merlin, who was watching her and trying not to smile. He was failing, of course. He never could keep a straight face. 

Lancelot came around the table, every eye in the room following him. He stopped in front of Gwen, who was staring at him like she'd never seen him before. The spotlights focused in on them as he held his hand out to her. Gwen, shaking, took it, and he pulled her up onto the stage with him, the music still playing.

Then Lancelot got down on one knee and pulled a small box out of his pocket. Gwen's gasp was audible as she finally figured out what was going on. She covered her mouth with both hands.

Lancelot smiled up at her. “Gwen Smith, will you marry me?”

Gwen gave a little squeak. Everyone in the room leaned forwards as one, waiting on her answer.

She started nodding, and then suddenly the words burst forth like she just couldn't keep them inside anymore. “Yes, yes, oh my god, Lance, yes yes yes I will Yes!”

The room burst into applause as Lancelot slipped the ring onto her finger, and then swept her into an embrace. Merlin looked past them to Arthur, who met Merlin's gaze with an open, happy smile. Merlin fingered the ring on his own left hand and smiled back. Lancelot dragged Gwen back up onto the main part of the stage to sing the last line of the song once more.

 

_Together, we will be unconquerable._

 


End file.
